Live Without Friends During School Years

If you don't have friends in middle school, high school, or college, it’s easy to feel discouraged and sad, especially if you’re surrounded by outgoing people with busy social lives. While living without friends can be tough sometimes, you don’t need to have a big social circle to be happy and productive. You can make it through your school years without friends by developing satisfying hobbies, finding other ways to meet your social needs, and taking care of your emotional health.

Steps

Caring for Your Emotional Health

  1. Consider the reasons why you do not have friendships. Not having friends may be from a variety of different causes. Take some time to consider your reasons. Also, keep in mind that you can choose to change your situation and seek out friends if you want. Some questions you might ask yourself to determine the reason why you don’t have friends at the moment include:
    • Have you undergone a significant change recently? Going away to college or moving to a new city can be part of the reason why you may not yet have friends. Likewise, having a falling out with friends can lead to isolation. Did you recently lose a friend or group of friends for some reason?
    • Are you naturally introverted? If you tend to prefer your alone time to spending time with other people, then you might be an introvert. If this is the case, then not having friends may be due to a preference for solitude. However, you can still have friends and maintain your solitude.
    • Have you been struggling with emotional turmoil lately? If you have been feeling down for a while and unable to motivate yourself to go out and seek friendship, then this could also be part of the reason why you don’t have friends. If so, it is important to seek help. Talk to your school counselor, someone in the counseling center at your college, or a trusted adult, such as a parent, teacher, or religious leader.
  2. Accept yourself the way you are. It is important to accept yourself for who you are right now. Realize that there’s nothing wrong with you for being shy, different, or just not very social. Your worth as a person isn’t determined by how many friends you have, so don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself.[1]
    • If your peers try to make fun of you, stand up for yourself. Don’t get into a physical fight, but do let people know you aren’t a pushover.
    • If you want to make more friends in the future, accepting yourself as you are now is an important first step.
  3. Decide if you even want to be more social or not. Despite what society and other people might tell you, it’s perfectly okay to prefer spending time by yourself. There is nothing wrong with being quiet, introverted, and reserved. If you decide you don’t mind not having close friends, don’t let anyone tell you your preference is wrong.[2]
    • However, keep in mind that being alone all of the time is not healthy either. You may not want to be as social as other people, but having some degree of socialization is healthy.
  4. Consider whether you might have social anxiety or another condition. If being around people makes you nervous, ask yourself whether social anxiety could be holding you back from making friends. Other conditions like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, ADHD, and autism can also make it difficult to befriend others.[3]
    • If you think you have a mental health disorder, ask your parents to take you to a doctor or therapist.
  5. See a counselor or therapist. If you feel persistently sad or hopeless, talk to your school counselor or a therapist. They can help you get to the bottom of your feelings and develop some strategies for coping socially.[4]

Cultivating Hobbies

  1. Be creative. Use your free time to develop a creative skill, such as drawing, writing, sewing, or sculpting. If you’re more into tech than art, try editing pictures in Photoshop or coding your own video games. Creativity gives you an outlet for your emotions, and your skills could even help you get a job someday.[5]
  2. Get some exercise. Working out is a great solitary hobby that improves your mood and self-esteem, as well as your health. If you don’t want to join a sports team, try running, biking, or swimming. You can also get a gym membership and lift weights or use the cardio machines.[6]
    • If you want to work out with a buddy, you could ask a family member to play soccer or tennis with you, or take your dog for a long walk.
    • Joining a sports team might feel intimidating, but it can be a great way to meet new people.
  3. Explore your town. You don’t need a group of friends to get out of the house and enjoy yourself. If there’s a museum in town you’ve never visited or a new restaurant you’re dying to try, treat yourself to a solo day out. You can also go to the movies, shop at your favorite store, or just stroll through a park on a nice day.[7]
    • If you can, consider getting a change of scenery by taking a bus or train to a different city for a day.
  4. Learn a new skill. Keep yourself busy by mastering something you’ve always wanted to learn. Consider studying a new language, working on your cooking skills, or taking a free online course on a subject that interests you. You’ll feel good about yourself when you make progress, and your skill might come in handy in the future, too.[8]

Surviving Socially

  1. Be polite and thoughtful. You don’t have to become close friends with anyone, but it’s smart to stay on good terms with your peers and teachers. Use good manners in your day-to-day life, and treat other people the way you want them to treat you.[9]
    • When you treat other people well, your peers won’t have anything to use against you, and you’ll have an easier time making friends in the future if you want to.
  2. Join a club or group for something that interests you. High school and college provide plenty of opportunities to get involved in interesting activities. Look for programs offered by your school or community center. Participating in a club or group can be a good way to stay connected to other people without having to become close friends with them.[10]
    • For instance, you could join a science club, a book discussion group, or a sports team.
    • You can also check out Meetup.com to find people who will share your interests.
  3. Spend time with a pet. Animals can be wonderful companions, especially dogs. Some people even find that animals are better friends than people. If you don’t already have a pet, ask your parents about adopting one.[11]
    • Consider adopting a shelter dog or cat. These animals often have a hard time finding good homes, but they can make very loyal pets.
    • Having a dog may also help you to break the ice when you are out walking with your dog. For example, someone might compliment your dog, and this could be a good opportunity to strike up a conversation, such as by saying, “Thank you! Do you have a dog?”
    • Having a dog or cat might also provide you with something to chat about with neighbors or new acquaintances. For example, if someone brings up their pet, then you could say, “Oh, I just adopted a cat/dog myself. I really enjoy the companionship.” Then, you could show a picture of your pet and talk with the person about your pets.
  4. Work or volunteer. Search job boards and volunteer sites on the internet for positions that interest you. Working and volunteering are good ways to get involved with your community and interact with other people regularly.[12]
    • Start small. Even a job at McDonald’s or Starbucks will help you save money for the future.
    • Volunteering for a cause you care about will make you feel good, and the experience will give you a leg up when you search for jobs or apply to college.
  5. Practice your social skills. If you’re not spending time with friends often, your social skills might be rusty. Look for opportunities to practice introducing yourself to people, keeping a conversation going, and making people feel comfortable around you.[13]
    • If you aren’t sure why you don’t have friends and you know your social skills are a bit rusty, then this could be a potential explanation. However, keep in mind that having rusty social skills is often indicative of a deeper problem, such as a fear of rejection. Talk with an adult you trust, like a parent or a teacher, to talk about why you might be having some issues with social interactions.

Choosing to Seek Out Friends

  1. Act interested. If you want to make friends, there are a few tips you can follow to increase your chances of success. In general, people like to talk about themselves. So, as a rule-of-thumb, you can connect with others by asking them their stories.
    • Opt for open-ended questions or statements that allow the person to share as much as they like as opposed to questions which lead to simple "yes" or "no" answers. You might ask at an event, "So, how do you know the host?" or "What kinds of things do you do for fun?"[14]
  2. Be an active listener. In addition to being able to strike up the conversation and get people talking, you also need to be an active listener. Make occasional eye contact, nod in agreement, and use sounds to prompt the person to continue talking.[15]
    • Engaged listeners make great friends because many people often want to vent their problems or share their points of view. Practice being fully engaged while you are listening and be ready to respond with a statement that summarizes what you just heard.
    • For example, you might say, "It sounds like you had a really rough day" to sum it up after the speaker is done talking.
  3. Disclose something personal. Vulnerability is a necessary and truly beautiful ingredient in a friendship. Self-disclosure is one of the many things that distinguish friends from acquaintances. You might tell your friend about your parent's divorce, but you may not share that info with a random person. Make a minor self-disclosure to show the person that you trust them.[16]
    • Think of something small you can share with the other person about yourself like "I had a pretty rough term last school year. My parents got divorced." Then, see how they handle it to determine if the friendship goes any further.
  4. Risk being rejected. If you're ready to take your connection with someone to the friendship stage, you'll have to be willing to take a risk. If you and a potential friend have been hanging out in a group setting, invite the person to a one-on-one outing. This shows that you would like to get to know them beyond the group.
    • Say, "Hey, you seem really cool. Would you like to catch a movie together this Saturday?"[17]

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/overcoming-loneliness-and-shyness.htm#tackling
  2. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/okaytobelesssocial
  3. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-roots-of-loneliness/
  4. ↑ https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/treatments-approaches/treatment-options/treatment-options-for-social-skills-issues
  5. ↑ http://www.makeuseof.com/tag/creative-hobbies-will-make-happier-person/
  6. ↑ http://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2014/10/01/the-case-for-exercising-alone
  7. ↑ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sponsored/why-not/11691572/sightseeing-bus-tours.html
  8. ↑ http://www.thesimpledollar.com/the-frugal-introvert-fifty-ways-to-have-fun-by-yourself-on-the-cheap/
  9. ↑ http://www.embracepossibility.com/blog/how-to-get-along-with-anyone/
  10. ↑ https://nobullying.com/i-have-no-friends/
  11. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/emotional-health/the-health-benefits-of-pets.htm
  12. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/meetpeople
  13. ↑ http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/what-to-do-if-you-have-no-friends.html
  14. ↑ http://liveboldandbloom.com/10/mindfulness/questions-to-ask-people
  15. ↑ http://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/active_listening
  16. ↑ http://www.spring.org.uk/2015/03/make-someone-open.php
  17. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/sociallife
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