Pretend to be Working at Work

Work isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sure, it puts food on the table, clothes on the back and pays the roof over your head but you probably wish it weren't so boring, exhausting or just plain repetitive. There may be times when you feel under the weather, distracted or just plain out of the mood for applying yourself but you want to make it look as if you care and you're still working hard at it. It's those times when you need a little subterfuge. Just don't resort to any of these tricks too often, as you'll probably a) get caught, b) get way behind in your work and c) feel like a loafer (especially when you start thinking of all those people who are quite likely to want to take your place).

Steps

Being the serious worker

  1. Always be in the office during working hours. By turning up, and by being on time, half the battle is already won. There are those who place great store in the on-timers, whether or not it's productive behavior.
  2. Always appear to be working and deeply entrenched in your work matter. This means that when you actually aren't, the pose isn't really that different but people assume you're at work.
  3. Keep a serious, intrigued and focused facial expression. This will help it seem that you are concentrating on work.
  4. Hide behind the messy desk. Don't keep your desk too clean. Keep your office space, such as your desk surface, in order, but yet give the illusion of hard work by containing papers, documents, open binders, dictionaries, workbooks, assignment reports, etc. Of course, watch out for the naysayers who insist that a messy desk is a sign of a messy mind; they may be onto your tactics.

Make like you're busy

  1. Do busy like nobody else. Move about a lot, don't sit idle a lot. Shift around from time to time to look like you're thinking.
  2. Be the person who seems to be always off talking to someone or dealing with difficult issues on the phone. Remember, busyness does not equate with getting things done; busy activity just looks so urgent and productive people make assumptions that it is. And a busy person has an excuse to be in the cafe several floors down... doing something but who knows what.
  3. Be in the right place at the right time. Ask hard work-related questions so that people actively seek to avoid you. This will end up buying you space as people deliberately veer away from you.
    • Think up a few important-sounding questions to ask your boss or colleagues concerning your work. Keep this up until they make excuses when they see you coming.
  4. Act burdened by your workload. When hanging out, keep a sad face so that people will know you have problems with that heavy pile of work stuff that you're trudging through tragically. Twitching your eyebrows regularly may help.
  5. Pick up the pace. If a colleague who isn't trustworthy comes visiting your lab, start working more vigorously. If you can't manage that, drop something quickly and start clearing it up.

Making only the right noises

  1. Shift a pile of files, flick open a filing cabinet noisily, drop a whole lot of papers on the floor and moan about "all that work I have to pick up".
  2. Make keyboard typing sounds from time to time so it sounds as if you're working. You could even use an app to make the sounds for you.
    • Watch for mouse scrolling sounds that may blow your cover.
  3. Wear headphones if you plan to listen to watch videos or play games. This will make it look like you're listening to music while you work and motivating yourself.
  4. Take deep breaths. Inhale deeply and loudly and exhale with the same volume, it shows the stress that you're enduring.

Be everyone's pal

  1. Stay relevant. Always socialize with your colleagues and coworkers, making it seem as if you're part of the team. In a worst case scenario, they will not denounce you if they think you're one of them. Give them the chance to chill at work occasionally too; simply don't notice the snores or the glazed eyes, and smile and nod, saying "Good work, Alice, keep it up."

Keeping the computer busier than you

  1. Keep your screen private. Position your monitor in such position that only you can see its content or in a position that gives you just enough time to close what you are doing and continue working, when someone passes by or enters your office space.
  2. Use programs that can quickly restore work documents should someone sneak up on you.

Making the most of many breaks

  1. Take regular breaks. You wouldn't skip breaks if you were actually working, so don't skip them when you are pretending to work.
  2. Do the Houdini. Bring an additional coat or jacket with you to work. Hang the second coat/jacket over your chair, so that when you are out of the building having that much needed extended lunch, it appears as if you are still in the building, but looks as if you have simply stepped away from your desk.
  3. Use fire escapes when transiting in and out of the building. Be sure to never be seen in the lobby.
  4. Be sure that you remove you sunglasses and other similar items from your head when returning from out of office adventures. These are dead giveaways that you were away from your place of work. However, if your workplace happens to have offices in other buildings, then you have a majorly good excuse.

Tips

  • When you leave for your break, switch the desktop back to your work or email, just in case anyone sees or you boss checks what you've been doing!
  • Wear reading glasses to make you look not suspicious. Make a poker face to make you look serious on your work.
  • Rig a mirror in your cubicle that lets you see who might be sneaking up behind you. Check out its position with someone you can trust and do likewise for their cubicle.
  • Be aware of the schedules of your boss and nearby colleagues. This will allow you to plan your deception more effectively, for example, if you know your supervisor will walk by your desk at a given time, you can take appropriate measures to be hard at work at that moment.
  • Hide out in the toilet when you really need a break from it all. If possible, choose the one on another floor; that way if anyone bumps into you leaving, they won't know or care who you are.

Warnings

  • Remember the consequences of not doing your work. If you fail to turn in an important assignment, you will be reprimanded, demoted, or even fired!
  • If your company monitors your computer or Internet usage, your deception will not go unnoticed for long if it includes wasting time on games, Internet surfing or similar time-wasting pursuits. Copy huge swathes of text to cut and paste and cut again in your text document. It will at least give the impression of a draft gone really wrong.
  • If you find yourself trying to pretend you're working more than you're working, get a new job or reduce your hours to part-time. There is yet to be a part-timer who wants to waste time at work because, frankly, such a person doesn't have the luxury of time.

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  • Ask a Colleague to Stop Making So Much Noise
  • Prevent Long Term Paperwork Build Up
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