Reset Your Life

When you get to the point where you've done everything you know how to do and your life still isn't working out, it might be time to "hit the reset button." To reset your life, quit reliving patterns of past behavior and rationalization. Instead, try something new.

Steps

Letting Go of the Past

1. Recognize where you are now. Consider your life, including your relationships, your job, your financial security and your health. If these things aren't what you want them to be, it's time to admit it to yourself. To do a reset on your life won't be easy, but it starts by accepting your current situation for what it is.
   • Many times, solutions come only when problems are recognized.
   • Let go of value judgments during this phase. The most important thing is clear recognition, not blaming yourself or anyone else.
2. Let the past be the past. Whether you find yourself rehashing bitter experiences, or remembering the "good old days," your life is what it is today. To continue to dwell on past experiences blocks your path as you reset your life.
   • Letting go of past hurts requires a decision on our part. We're unlikely to let go without a firm decision to let go.
   • Even good times can keep us feeling "stuck" if our lives don't live up to our expectations.
3. Release everything that doesn't bring you joy. Look at your life, considering each element one by one. Write it down on a small piece of paper if you like. Does it bring you joy? If the answer is no, you should let it go.
   • Things, situations, and people who once brought considerable joy may no longer serve that purpose.
   • If you don't use something, let it go. Clothes you don't wear, appliances you don't use, books you'll never read – give them away. Cleaning house will lighten your load both metaphorically and physically.
   • If something needs repair, set aside some time to do that. If it doesn't work, then give it away.
   • Let Go of Thoughts and Feelings that leave you feeling depleted and overwhelmed. When you notice these thoughts and feelings arising, remind yourself that they're only your thinking mind. Return your attention to something more productive.
4. Decide to break your bad habits. If you've been trying to Break a Habit that doesn't improve the quality of your life, a reset is the perfect time to do it. Start with becoming aware of what the habits are, when you engage in them, and with what you'd like to replace them. For example, if you want to stop biting your nails, start tracking the number of times you bite them, and what you're doing when this behavior occurs. Think about what you're feeling when you bite your nails, and consider possible alternatives to nail-biting.
   • Choose a substitute for your bad habit. In the case of nail biting, a possible substitute might be chewing sugar-free gum or eating celery or carrot sticks.
   • Get a partner for support. Enlist your friends and family to help you change your bad habit. Is there a local support group for your habit? Working together with others helps you be more accountable and provides encouragement to change bad habits.
   • If you can imagine yourself successfully changing your habit, you'll be more likely to succeed. Envision yourself in your new life. This is an important step in making it happen.
   • Don't quit just because you slip up. Habits are hard to break. Remember that every day is a new beginning to get it right. Be persistent.
5. Remember that endings aren't always bad. A reset is a chance to clean up overloaded agendas. Your time is valuable. To do what you want to do, let go of things, people and situations that no longer serve you.
   • If you are happier and more satisfied in your life, you'll be more present for the people and situations you choose to keep in your life.
   • Continue to keep this process free of fear and judgment. This isn't a question of what is good or bad.

Learning to Live in the Present

1. Reconsider your core values. Core values are the beliefs and convictions that guide our thoughts and behaviors throughout out lives. Most people have about five to seven core values.These values change slowly, but they do change. If you're doing a reset on your life, it might be time to reconsider your values.
   • To determine what your core values are, think about a time in your life that was fully satisfying. Think about what values were present in that moment, and select the one that calls to you the most strongly.
   • Consider what that value really means to you, in all aspects of your life. Is this a core value? If so, write it down.
   • Repeat this process, until you've identified at least five core values.
   • Going forward, every time you have decision to make, check out your list of core values. Does the decision align with core values? A strong, authentic life will be consistent with your core values.
2. Forgive yourself and others. Holding onto resentments towards yourself or others drains your energy without good purpose. If you've been holding a grudge, a reset means examining your part of that resentment and letting it go. Being the victim of other people's past actions means putting your happiness into another person's hands, whether they know it or not.
   • It can help to talk to another person about your resentments. Sometimes another person can offer insights that you can't see on your own.
   • Guilt over past mistakes is a heavy emotion. Everyone has regrets, large and small. Try to learn from these mistakes, and notice what you have learned about yourself in the process. Every past mistake is an opportunity to learn new information about yourself.
   • Forgiveness is a sign of strength, not weakness. Refusing to forgive another person's past behavior doesn't make you a stronger person. Instead, it erodes your ability to move forward.
3. Play more. People who play are more able to live without fear, in the present, and think creatively about the future. As adults, we often forget to play. Research shows that lack of play results in cognitive rigidity – the last thing you need if you're trying to reset your life. Including play as a regular activity in your life will further your creative instincts and help you identify more effective solutions.
   • There are many ways to play. Blowing bubbles, playing board games, taking an art class, or joining a improv class are all ways that people like to play. Find play that is fun and accessible for you.
   • Ask your friends and family to join you. Playing together with your loved ones means it's more likely that you'll stick with it, and play will become a natural extension of your everyday life.
4. Face your fears. Doing things that are just beyond your comfort zone will help bring you new confidence. Adrenaline helps fuel the creative juices. As long as fears prevent you from changing your life, you'll remain stuck in old patterns of behavior.
   • Break down large challenges into smaller steps. For example, if you fear scuba diving, start by taking classes at your local pool or gym. If you fear going to a restaurant alone, start by sitting at the bar or getting take-out.
   • Consider why you have the fear. When was the first time you remember experiencing this fear? How has it served you? Learning more about yourself and your fears is an essential part of resetting your life.
5. Learn alternatives to unhealthy behaviors. Most of us are aware of our own unhealthy behaviors. Smoking, drinking to excess, overeating, and not getting enough exercise are all behaviors that can undermine a reset. The way to address these is through positive behavior change, rather than through guilt, fear, or regret.
   • Setting manageable, specific goals will be more productive. For example, rather than feeling guilty about not exercising more, decide to include 20 minutes of walking four days per week.
   • Making a plan for how you want to reach your goal is critical. Simply wanting to stop smoking will be less effective than employing a smoking cessation plan. Ask for help from your medical provider or a trusted friend.
   • Inviting another person to be involved in your plan will help you be accountable for your actions. It will be more enjoyable with another person involved, and you'll be less likely to relapse into your old ways of being.

Practicing Gratitude

1. Keep a gratitude journal. Expressing gratitude for concrete elements of our lives can help reset our priorities, and see our situation in a fresh way. A journal is one way to remember to do this on a daily basis.
   • A gratitude journal doesn't have to be fancy or complicated. Write down one or more things every day that you are grateful for.
   • Research shows that people who use gratitude journals experience significant benefits regardless of other life circumstances.
2. Turn a negative into a positive. If you notice yourself having a negative thought about a person, place or thing, turn that thought around. You can't change your first thought, but you can consciously learn to change your second thought. Follow the negative thought with a positive observation about the same person, place or thing.
   • For example, if you're going to visit your mother-in-law, rather than attending to the fact that her cooking is always lousy, remember that you'll be able to spend time in her lovely garden.
   • If you find yourself in a bad situation, try to find the good in it. Remember that every situation has something of value in it, and offers something to learn.
3. Compliment others. Give at least one compliment a day, no matter how trivial. Gratitude comes from noticing what others are doing well, not what they're doing poorly. In addition, others will enjoy being around you more if you're not harping on their mistakes.
   • Compliments should always be genuine. Learning to be attentive to what other people do well is an active process.
   • Those who give compliments to others actually become happier people themselves.
   • Giving compliments in difficult situations can build your self-esteem.
4. Give back to your community. Studies show a correlation between volunteering and improved self-esteem and physical health. People who volunteer also have stronger nervous systems and show more resilient immune systems.
   • There are many ways to give back. Different volunteer opportunities include: working with children, helping build a house, volunteering to go shopping for someone with a disability, providing childcare for a working parent, or answering the phones for an organization.
   • Getting involved with an organization that works on a project that you care about will help bring your life energy and purpose. This is an invaluable part of resetting your life.
5. Stop gossiping. Gossiping, criticizing, or complaining about others drains your energy. If you can learn to avoid saying negative things about another person, you'll feel better. Instead, take a moment to think about what might be really bothering you.
   • At first, you might not notice when you're gossiping or complaining because it's so natural. Start to notice when this behavior shows itself, and try to eliminate it.
   • You might set a goal for yourself. For example, make a plan to engage in no gossip for a week. At the end of every day, evaluate yourself. If you've gossiped or criticized, start over. Repeat until you've gone for seven days in row without gossiping.
   • If you find yourself getting drawn into gossip or part of a group that has begun to gossip, try changing the subject. You can even tell them outright that you're trying not to gossip.

Setting Yourself Up For Success

1. Limit the number of goals you set. If you have too many different goals that you're working on, you'll be less likely to succeed in any of them. Instead, prioritize the goals you have towards a healthier lifestyle.
   • Start by replacing the behaviors that are making the most negative influence in your life. For example, if your drinking is causing problems in your relationship, home or work, you might want to make changes in drinking before addressing other problems, such as lack of exercise.
   • Check with your medical provider before making any big changes in your daily habits. She might be able to offer suggestions, supports or other practical advice.
   • Include incentives and rewards for yourself for making changes. For example, if you are quitting smoking, take the money you used to spend on cigarettes and treat yourself to a new blouse, a nice outing, or dinner with a friend.
2. Envision the life you want. If you can see the way you'd like your new life to be, you'll be more likely to get there. Be as specific as you can about what you want, but don't be afraid to change your vision if you find yourself pulled in new direction.
   • Start by taking a look at the way your life might already have these qualities. What can you do to enhance these aspects of your life?
   • If you need to make some changes, prepare yourself. For example, if you realize that your new life needs a new career, this will likely mean taking some time to go back to school. Small steps will make these changes possible.
   • Spend time every day strengthening your vision of your new life, both metaphorically and practically. Cut out pictures of what you'd like to include in your life. Brainstorm possibilities. This is a chance to be creative and ambitious.
3. Keep learning. The human brain is wired for curiosity. If we don't provide ourselves with opportunities to be curious, we'll end up bored, depressed, and stuck. Research shows that taking classes to learn new things slows down the brain's aging process. In other words, if we practice being more engaged, agile and focused, we're more likely to be able to stay that way.
   • Learning doesn't have to mean academic degrees. It can mean learning ballroom dancing, how to make sushi, playing a new game, or joining a knitting club.
   • Learning new things physically changes the brain, helps new brain cells grow, and increases your creative flexibility.

Related Articles

• Recreate Your Life
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• Fix Your Life

Sources and Citations

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