Resolve Conflict in Marriage
A marriage, millions of people dream of the day they will get married. But do they dream of the conflict that might come with that marriage? Absolutely not. Take this as a simple guide to how to resolve the conflict that comes with marriage.
Contents
Steps
- When talking to the spouse, don't point fingers. The moment you point the finger, (even if it is not pointing back in the same direction it is still connected to you), that's the moment conflict starts. Ex: "Honey, you never take out the recycling bin." Said the wife. "I took it out last week." Says the husband. Fire lit. The right thing for the wife to say is "Honey, I'm tired, can you please take out the recycling bin for me today?" Normal answer from the husband should be "yes." The wife should say "Thank you!". This way the husband feels appreciated and will do it more often and the wife has more time to something else in return for him or clean up.
- Fight eye to eye. If the fighting has already started, sit down, and discuss it eye to eye. If your spouse is not willing to sit down, be the 'bigger person' in the conversation and ask them nicely to sit down.
- Do not pick at the other for little things. For example, your husband might move some of the pillows on to the other chair when he comes home from work everyday and everyday you put them back. Make it a habit! Do not pick at your husband for doing that. Also, if your wife likes to rearrange your mail, give it to her to put in order so that both of you are happy. Nagging at what the other does, doesn't help one bit.
- Appreciate one another. A thank you for something nice here and there didn't hurt someone. Also, saying sorry to someone, even if they made the mistake, can make a big difference.
- Let the other make mistakes. No one is perfect, people make mistakes. Do not hold down the other when you wouldn't want to be held down for a mistake.
- Try not to always plan to annoy, because the only one who is to be annoyed is you more. Okay, we all have our evil days but make sure the spouse is not having a bad day before hand.
- Spend quality time together. What was the real reason you married the person? To have kids and that's it? I highly doubt that's why most people marry. The person you married is for a companion many people long to have but sometimes never get. Someone who's your best friend when your best friend isn't around. Back to reality, when spending quality time with your significant other it doesn't mean going shopping for 5 hours or going to a baseball game which only one might enjoy. It means take the time out to enjoy the weather to talk, to play, to take a stroll down a country road or even speed race each other at the go-carts.
- Understand one another. Listen to what the other is saying. for example, women exaggerate. Men, on the other hand, sometimes only say things up front but with out the drama and sometimes only half of what they want to say. Sometimes it can even be the reverse but listen and observe their body language. If they look at you when they are saying it, then they know what they want. But if they tend to look away, they are more likely embarrassed or too shy to say it than not knowing what to say. Do not accuse them of hiding anything because sometimes things are hard to put into real words.
- Do not snoop in the other's past life. The moment you have tied the knot is the moment you start a new life. Snooping in their past will lead to miss conceptions. To tell you the truth, they were human once too. They grew up in a different world then you did, but you both came together to make a new world. Why try to bring back the old when the new has much more to see?
- Let it go! The bravest thing one can do is forgive the other person and move on like nothing happened. It may be hard but if you do forgive them, the world will look like a better place to you and you will feel much better.
- Do not keep an Idle mind. Yes, spending time alone once in a while alone is good but too much time by yourself, is not good. When you are by yourself and thinking of what the other 'has done me wrong', the anger inside tends to pent up and you could blow. So best thing to do is invite or go out with some friends and release some of the tension. You and your buddies will both find relief and laughter.
- Stay clear from the people who try to control your marriage. These people will destroy it. It's okay to get tips on how to avoid problems and how to get out set in stains but when someone says "Oh, My wife always keeps busy in the kitchen making food all day! Women should always be in the kitchen!" This is a sign that person (best friend or not) is not a good person. You can be very venerable to listening to this and go home and do this. Also, when a person might say "Oh, my husband buys me this and that" it is a signal to make one jealous and question their own husband 'why don't you provide for me?' (this provide is not the shelter and food provide but of worldly material). If you do not want to stay clear of these people then change the subject. Stay in control of your marriage. No "okay, you can test drive it!"
- Keep the green eye monster away. Like the last two steps, Jealousy and the idle mind go hand in hand. Plus do not jump to conclusions. Reason being, many marriages break up because of jealousy and people jumping to conclusions with out listing. If you see them cheating on you or they themselves have said they have, it's your call. But if you just see them talking to some random stranger, you never know it might be for directions or a special gift for someone. Always think positive. If they love you, they probably wouldn't do anything to hurt you...just test you.
- Be honest with each other. If there is something you disagree on with other other, politely say "I do not agree with you on that. The reason being..."
- Here is the big one: CHOOSE HAPPINESS OVER BEING RIGHT! Okay, we all want to be right but sometimes being right at the wrong moment can destroy a relationship. Let the other person get away with being wrong and thinking they are right half the time. Don't worry, there are 4 benefits: happiness, learning to compromise, knowing that you were right when they realize they were wrong and come to say sorry, and you'll get a laugh out of it. But all in all, being right all the time is not good. Let some mistakes happen.
- When fighting, do not drag others in. It is a conflict between you and your spouse. Not you, your spouse and best friend/mother/father/child/etc. They probably do not know the whole story anyway.
Tips
- Smile at each other, hug one another, love together!
- try every way possible to save the marriage before choosing the last option.
- Keep others out of your conflicts
- Do not play the blame game. It will only make things worse.
- Be the bigger person when the other is really stubborn. Say "I am sorry", first.
- Agree on sitting down somewhere to talk when there is a subject at matter and stick with it!
- Solve problems on a FULL STOMACH
- If your conflicts are not resolved, go to a marriage counselor, that is what they are there for.
- Do not put in past events because the current event and past are 2 different events.
- Forgive and forget.
Warnings
- Do not copy what you watch on TV. Their marriage is fake, yours is real.
- Do not throw things
- Do not give into gossip.
- Do not drag in other people because that shows you are too weak to defend yourself, and it affects the minds of children when dragged in.
- Do not bring subject of matters up when the person just got home and /or they are hungry.
- Do not let stories of your home out unless if they are good stories.
- Do not bring up past problems.
- Do NOT pester the other so much about personal things that you do not have. Appreciate the things you do have. (ex: jewelry , top notch clothing & shoes, coach handbags etc...)
- DO NOT yell at the other person if they are not responding. On their half, they can hear you but they are trying their hardest not to blurt out to you and also to ignore you. It is a coping style.
- Do not get physical
