Show Affection to Someone Who Needs It

Human connection can be a comforting thing whether you are upset or just going on about your daily life. Knowing that someone cares has a big impact, and showing someone affection feels good both for you and the other person. For some people it comes very naturally, but others might need a little help or advice when it comes to showing someone affection. This is due, at least in part, to the fact that different people have different ideas of what affection means and how or when you should give it.

Steps

Showing Affection to Your Significant Other

  1. Reach out and touch your partner often. Kissing your partner is among clearest signs of affection.[1] You also want to include more subtle physical contact, too ― especially in public places. Holding hands and giving hugs are a less restricted in public than kissing your partner. [2]
    • If your partner has had a particularly stressful day and needs extra affection, offering her a back massage can be a great way to show your love, too.
    • Even small gestures like sitting close to your partner while watching TV can let her know that you care.
  2. Use kind words to connect with your partner. Communication is extremely important to a healthy relationship. Show your partner affection by complementing the things that he does well,[3] and telling him how much you care about him. It also never hurts to slip him a note or send a text just to show that you are thinking about him even when he isn't there.[2] If your partner is struggling with something in his personal life or at work, these kind words will let him know that you support him.
    • This could be as simple as telling your partner that you missed him as soon as he comes home from a trip.
  3. Give your partner a gift. This can be during a holiday, but doesn’t have to be. If your partner needs a pick-me-up, you can give her a gift whenever you want! Make sure that your gift is thoughtful and really tailored to your partner. Even a generic item, such as a CD that your partner really wants, could be spiced up with a letter or picture to make it more personal.[3]
    • Making your partner a gift is a great way to show affection. Not only does it show that you know your partner well enough to choose a great gift, it also shows the dedication to spend your own time crafting something that she will love.[2]
  4. Spend quality time with your partner. This means putting away cell phones and other distractions and giving your partner all of your attention for a while. Be sure to make regular dates with your partner, but if you notice that he is going through something difficult (e.g. transitioning to a new neighborhood after a recent move) then you should amp this up even more. You will be showing your partner affection by simply giving him your time and energy, and this will make your bond stronger.[2]
    • A date night can certainly be out in town, but if your partner needs a quiet evening, you can always stay in and watch a movie together.
  5. Make your interactions meaningful. In the high speed world of text and email, we are “connected” all the time. The problem is that we often forget to make these types of connections personal. When your partner is in need of true personal connection, you should be aware of it and make sure you’re providing that connection. Instead of sending abbreviated texts like “omw,” you could say something like “I’m excited to see you. I’ll be there soon.” While this is saying essentially the same thing, the first is very dry and impersonal, but the second shows that you actually care that your are on your way to see this person.[4]
    • Thank your partner when she does something thoughtful, or for the everyday things she does that she may think go unnoticed (like taking out the trash).
    • Give compliments that are tailored to your partner to make them even more meaningful. Instead of saying "You're beautiful," try something more specific, like "You have the most amazing smile." Call attention to the specific things that make your partner who she is. Try, "You always have such an interesting take on things. I love talking with you," or, "You make me laugh harder than anyone else."
  6. Do a chore for your partner. We all have a chore or two that we like to do. Aside from that, the rest are just chores that need done. When you’re stressed out about something like whether or not you are getting that big promotion, doing these chores can sometimes be daunting. Helping your partner wrap up a few chores so that he can go on with his day is a great way to show that you care.[2]
    • This could be as small as doing the dishes, or you could help him paint the house.

Showing Affection to Family and Friends

  1. Offer affectionate contact. All families are different, and they will show affection in different ways. Some parents expect a hug from their children, while others are more comfortable with a handshake. Friendships also have a wide range of expression, but no matter what the gesture, it will show a family member or friend that you are there for them.[2]
    • Children will often seek even more contact, and sometimes require it. Holding a child’s hand while crossing the street, or picking them up when they are too tired to walk any more sends a clear message that you are there for them.
    • For adult family and friends, it might be appropriate to place your hand on the person's shoulder or squeeze her hand to let her know that you are there for her and you are concerned.
  2. Tell your loved ones how you feel. People often forget the importance of openness as they age. Many times family members will stop telling each other that they care, and this can create a distance between them. Be open and honest with your family and friends, especially when they are struggling. [2]
    • For example, you might wrap your best friend in a long heartfelt hug before he moves out of town for a new job.
    • When it comes to children, they need your feedback. Be sure that you tell them you love them and care about them no matter what. Don’t fall into the trap of only being affectionate when they do something good or get hurt. This will lead them to think that those are the only times you care.
  3. Give gifts freely. This doesn’t mean that you have to spend all of your money or time delivering gifts to friends and family members. Just be sure that when you do give a gift, it is a gift that your family member will like. It could be as simple as picking up the tab for lunch, or buying your kid’s first car.[3]
    • Do not underestimate the gift of time. Spending time with those you care about can be difficult when life gets busy, but they will appreciate the effort if you come see them in their moment of need. [2]
  4. Help friends and family members in need. Whether you help your mom clean up her house or help your best friend move cities, it will be appreciated. Big or small chores can add up and overwhelm anyone, and helping a loved one get on top of things is a clear sign of affection. Even something as simple as dropping by to cook her dinner after she's had a baby can make an impact.[2]

Understanding the Ins and Outs of Affection

  1. Learn about the five love languages. This is a concept that is often used to discuss the different ways that different people give and receive affection. Affectionate acts are grouped into five categories, or languages, as follows: physical touch, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, acts of service, and quality time. You should use these “languages” to understand how those you care about give and receive affection.[5]
    • Some people are surprised to learn that their partner speaks a different love language than they do. If you wish to really understand what types of affection your partner needs, you’ll have to talk to him about it and actively listen. There are also tests and quizzes that you can take that will tell you and your partner what love language works best for you.
  2. Know what kind of relationship you have with the person you care about. When it comes to significant others, and even most family members, you usually know what level your relationship is on. Friends can be more complicated sometimes. Long time friends are often shown affection as if they are part of the family, while newer or less known friends might be uncomfortable with that.
    • With friends and colleagues you would still apply the same five principles, but you should adjust the actions to be appropriate. For example, if a friend from work thrives off of positive words, you might say something like, “I like your new haircut,” instead of something that might be deemed inappropriate such as, “Your legs look nice in that dress.”
  3. Do not force affection. Any time a person seems to be uncomfortable with your affection you should stop. She may give you an explanation as to why your affection is making her uncomfortable, but she does not have to. It is up to each individual person to decide from whom they do or do not accept affection.

Tips

  • Do not expect immediate reciprocation of affection. Especially if the person you care about is upset.
  • Surprising someone with one of these things can really show them that you care.
  • Do not take it personally if the person doesn’t like your gift, can’t meet with you that day, etc. People are often very busy, and if you make an effort to be affectionate, they will likely see and appreciate that.

Warnings

  • Be sure that your interactions are appropriate. You would interact differently with you five year old son than you would your fifteen year old daughter.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5010_qa.html
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 2.5 2.6 2.7 2.8 http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/9989306/The-five-types-of-affection-which-one-do-you-prefer.html
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 3.2 http://the-orbit.net/brutereason/2014/12/25/how-to-show-affection-when-showing-affection-is-hard/
  4. ↑ http://www.canadianliving.com/relationships/love_and_romance/relationship_advice_how_to_be_a_more_affectionate_partner.php
  5. ↑ http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/communication-and-conflict/learn-to-speak-your-spouses-love-language/understanding-the-five-love-languages
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