Stand up to Your Mother in a Respectful Manner
Having a mutually-respectful and fulfilling relationship with your Mom as you get older is not always easy. However, if you can build a solid relationship with your mother, you will find that it will be rewarding to talk and get closer with her. The most important thing you must do is agree to disagree. Nothing comes of senseless, circular arguments.
Contents
Steps
Showing politeness and gratitude
- Hold your tongue. Do not say rude things that are unnecessary, whether they are true or false. Saying things that will further agitate a situation will do nothing to improve your relationship with your mother.
- Agree to disagree. No matter what, Mom will always think she knows what's best for her baby, and you will always be her baby. Tell her that she is entitled to her opinion, but that you feel differently. Include a statement like "Thank you for your advice, Mom, but I have decided that having children does not fit into my life plan." Expressing your opinion in a calm fashion will make her feel like you aren't attacking her.ship with your Mother.
- Be appreciative of the things your Mom (or parents) do for you. They took the time to raise you and provide for you. Be sure to thank them when they do something nice for you. This will let your Mom know that you appreciate her.
Keeping your world separate
- Do not share your entire world with Mom. If you know that she sorely objects to the amount of money you spend on your car, do not bring it up in conversation. Understand that she will likely never understand your view on certain subjects and avoid them in conversation. This does not pertain to subjects that must be discussed, like children, spouses, abuse or other serious family matters.
- If you decide to keep certain matters private from your Mom, stick to it. Even if she needles you to discuss a private subject, politely tell her that you do not want to talk about it. If you stick to your guns, she may be frustrated at first but soon learn that her meddling is to no avail.
- Take your space when you need it. If you know your Mom needs a few days to recover from an argument, don't pressure her to talk about it too soon. Doing so may cause tensions to continue to rise.
Choosing your battles wisely
- Know when to step away from a conversation that could turn toxic. If you sense that tensions are rising, say that you are aware of her opinion and simply walk away. Be sure to physically separate yourself from tension; take a walk, a bike ride, or go into your room and listen to music. Take deep breaths to calm yourself.
- Don't let your mother insult you, even in an argument. It is not okay for someone to say cruel things to you, even if she is your mother. Certain boundaries should never be permeated. Show your mother the same respect and refrain from insulting her or cussing at her.
- If you feel like counseling services, conversations with your mother, or other methods of learning to get along better are no longer working, try to find alternative living situations as soon as possible. This can be either temporary or permanent. Keep in mind that if you leave home, you may not be permitted to move back in at a later stage.
Post disputes
- Try the silent treatment. After an argument, go into a private place. Continue with your daily life but just refrain from talking to your mother. Keep it up. Do not cave in or let her win. Let her come to you. She will. When she finally gives in, welcome her with open arms. She'll be happy you're interacting with her again, and peace will reign.
Tips
- Give each other personal space.
- Walk away if your mother gets hostile! The best for solution for many arguments (but not all!) is personal space.
- Don't fight unnecessarily. If you do fight try to resolve immediately. Don't let the fight go on forever.
- Be cool, calm and collected. You will not say things you regret when you keep a cool head during an argument. Take a deep breath, and convey your thoughts in a mature fashion.
- Keep in mind that it hurts her when things don't go her way but she will always forgive you.
- Make treats for her, buy her gifts. This will help her show that you love her. Maybe in return she will do good to you.
- If you and your mom don't always agree, make sure to find out what you don't agree on so you don't bring it up when you are talking.
- If you can't confront her, write her a letter explaining how her actions effected you. Also, write that you love her but she needs to stop.
- Be mindful of your mother's upbringing and realize that we all have different perspectives. Don't belittle her experiences, but don't let her make you feel like your experiences aren't relevant.
Warnings
- You can't push a rope. Be aware that your Mom may be set in her ways (and quite stubborn).
- Seek professional help if you feel your relationship with your mother is not positively changed using the information provided. Many colleges and universities offer free or low-cost counseling services.
