Start a Conversation with New Friends

You’re out and about, minding your own pleasure, and you see someone you’ve recently met or a stranger of particular interest. Whether you had enjoyed meeting them before or observed them do something that made you realize they would probably make a great friend, you want to have a solid conversation to see whether you hit things off. Knowing how to start and maintain an interesting, genuine conversation with a new friend can help ensure you get along smashingly.

Steps

Getting the Conversation Going

  1. Say hello! Approach people you’re interested in conversing with and simply say hello. Offer your name, and ask theirs. While it may feel awkward to start a conversation without an explicit reason for doing so, people are usually happy to be approached in a friendly manner.[1]
    • Alternatively, if you’re standing or sitting in a group and hoping to speak with one person in particular, don’t feel rushed to do so. Simply sitting, listening, and enjoying one another’s company is actually an incredibly effective way to become comfortable around other people.
    • Wait for a moment to introduce yourself unobtrusively. Remember, silence is a form of communication. Even in social settings, a comfortable silence indicates confidence and contentment that people will respond to positively.
    • In a group setting, be sure to ask each person that you haven’t already met what their name is. This indicates a general friendliness that is a key component of conveying to others that you are social and accessible.
  2. Inquire about the person you’re curious about. People like to talk about what they’re interested in, and questions that are geared accordingly can be great conversation starters. There are plenty of specific options.[2]
    • Ask the person you’re curious about what they do for fun. Not only does this get a conversation going, it indicates that you’re curious about what they’re interested in and how they spend their time.
    • Ask them what they do with their life. Don’t ask about employment explicitly. Say something like, “So what do you do with your days?” This allows people to answer however they want, which gives them the chance to talk about something they want to talk about.
    • If you’re looking for a particularly interesting question, try asking them about a recent quote they came across that changed how they viewed the world.
  3. Hold off on the heavy-hitting conversations. Refrain from talking about your radical political or religious beliefs as soon as you meet someone. Deeply personal topics should also be avoided, as well as private information.[3]
    • Even if it seems like you might share a certain point of view with another person, you don’t need to immediately re-iterate your shared belief.
    • Hold off on having conversations about worldviews or beliefs that you may share to allow for a deeper conversation on that topic later on.
  4. Speak with respect. Watch your word choice and put effort into being courteous until you know a bit about the other person’s sense of humor or any particular sensitivities. There are a few conversational manners to always remember.[4]
    • Never cut another person off while they are speaking. This is harder than it sounds. Instead of thinking about what you’re going to say next, focus on what the other person is saying!
    • Don’t raise your voice. Though it may simply be the effect of excitement, speaking loudly may intimidate some people, or make you seem overzealous.
    • Concentrate on speaking clearly. Not only do you want to make sure you are not misunderstood, it’s much easier to listen to someone who is enunciating well.
    • A good concept to keep in mind is that you’re not competing for space within a conversation, you’re sharing it!

Maintaining an Interesting Dialogue

  1. Respond thoughtfully. Give a detailed answer when your new friend asks you a question. If you are unsure of how to respond to something, ask for clarity – especially if they had asked a question. The most important thing is to respond genuinely, as this will convey that you value the conversation, as well as the other person’s attention.[2]
    • Elaborate on your responses to questions. When someone asks what your favorite part of a movie was, instead of just answering, "Definitely the ending!," answer with something like, "The ending sequence, when the minions were caught and mostly destroyed, but one survived in the pile of its fallen brethren. I like to think it still roams the Earth today."
    • Say what you actually think, not what you think they want to hear. You shouldn’t assume you know what other people admire or expect. More importantly, people admire individuality, especially if you can spin some quirky positivity into your statements.
  2. Listen actively. One of the most important steps in being both a good conversationalist and a good friend: Be a good listener. At it’s most simply, active listening is simply paying attention to what the other person is saying. But to truly actively listen is to give them the time and space to speak openly, to actively learn about another person, and to give yourself the opportunity to fully consider what they have to say.[5]
    • Be sure to look your friend in the eye throughout the conversation. Don’t literally stare into the other person’s eyes, but maintain eye contact most of the time, especially when one of you are saying something particularly meaningful or interesting.
    • Recognize that many people simply wait for their turn to speak in conversation, and don’t actively listen to what their conversational partner is saying.
    • Push your own thoughts out of way while the other person is speaking. Focus on their points, and allow a few moments of silence when they finish speaking, both to make sure they are done speaking, and to allow yourself to consider a thoughtful response.
  3. Limit your use of Stop Speech Habits. These include "um," "like," and "you know".[2] While these words are entirely appropriate to use occasionally, if you say them too often, it will seem as though you are distracted or uninterested in explaining yourself clearly.
  4. Know that people think differently about things. Even people you expect to get along with or immediately admire may have significantly different points of view. Differences of opinion can actually enrich a friendship, and can help both of your individual minds to grow.[2]
    • Whenever you do not agree with your friend's opinion, and want to share this disagreement, be sure you have a reason. If you choose to do so, share your disagreement politely.
    • If you don't agree about a minor thing, consider the universal truth that you could always simply let it be.
  5. Know how to end the conversation. A friendly, positive conclusion to a conversation will leave you both feeling glad to have met one another, and hoping to meet again. A great way to conclude is recall a point in the conversation you just had that you both resonated with. There are lots of options; the key is positivity.[6]
    • Say something clever or insightful you had thought of and wanted to say earlier, but had forgotten.
    • Inquire about your friend’s plans for the rest of the day and wish them well on the endeavor. For instance, say something along the lines of, “Well, I’m off to ______ in a minute here. What’s the rest of your day look like?”
    • Default to humor. If all else fails, tease yourself for not wanting to leave the conversation, while explaining you hope to meet again. Try, “Hey, it’s been great speaking with you and I wish we I could chat with you all day – but I have to run.”
    • Use a friendly parting gesture as an opportunity to offer an open-ended invitation to spend further time together by saying something like, “When might I see you again?”

Conversing with Friends You’ve Just Met

  1. Make and keep plans to meet again. If you’re interested in spending more time around one another, make plans to do so! This will usually be rather apparent, but even it’s not, feel free to make the offer.[7]
    • One of the easiest and safest ways to invite a new friend to meet up again is by inviting them to a group event sometime in the upcoming week.
    • If you know you’ll be attending an event at a certain place and time, and others are welcome, mention it and encourage them to attend as well.
  2. Always have an interesting conversation topic in mind. If you recently met someone that you get along with and made plans to see each other again, have something in mind to talk about. There are few dependable ways to think of your own conversation topics.[8]
    • Think about what might be relevant to your plans. If you’re going to a comedy show, watch videos of your favorite comic to be able to reference parts of skits you’ve enjoyed. At the show, ask if they have a comedian or style of humor they particularly enjoy.
    • Similarly, if you’ve planned to go to a sporting event (as either participants or observers), read the pertinent professional sports headlines for some reliably light conversation fodder.
    • Reflect on recent major events, both local or global. News can be interesting to talk about because people’s different worldviews often provide colorful interpretations about things that have happened elsewhere in the world.
    • Bring up the discovery of a new archeological finding or new species discovery, and conversations about where each other have traveled (or would like to travel!) will likely follow.
    • Think about seasonally-relevant conversation topics. If Halloween is coming up, ask your new friend what they plan to dress up as, or what their best-ever costume was.
    • Try an old standby: “What’s the next thing you’re looking forward to?”
  3. Appreciate others’ individuality. If you admire someone, there’s likely a good reason for these positive sentiments. These are likely the reasons you may come to appreciate a person’s presence in your life. However, whomever they are, they will certainly be different than you first expect. This is partly why it’s so fun to get to know new people.[9]
    • Recognize that every new person you meet will shape your understanding of people in general. No one is exactly like anybody else, and nor should they be!
    • Resist the inclination to compare new friends to other friends you have had in the past. Focus on the attributes that each of your friends have that make them who they are, and appreciate how their individuality contributes to your understanding of the world.
  4. Remember and recall previous conversations. It is incredibly meaningful when we recall the conversations we have with one another and are able to pick up right where we left off – both literally, and metaphorically, in terms of developing a new friendship.
    • If you know that you may be talking to your friend in the future, make a mental note of the topics you spoke about, particularly things they had conveyed interest in that you were unfamiliar with.[2]#*Check out something they had mentioned, such as a certain band or a particular article, and contemplate what you might agree with or add to the observations they had shared with you.
    • Indicate that you’re excited to see them again by recalling a positive moment from your earlier conversation – especially if there had been a shared moment of humor. Reminding one another that you had enjoyed each other’s company before will be a great way to begin enjoying one another next time to you see each other.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.smallfuel.com/blog/entry/how-to-introduce-yourself-to-someone-youve-never-met/
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 http://www.alleventsadviser.com/plan/planning/making-friends-and-great-conversation/
  3. ↑ http://www.nicknotas.com/blog/conversation-tips-new-people/
  4. ↑ http://www.letsreachsuccess.com/2013/10/20/how-to-speak-successfully-and-get-attention-and-respect/
  5. ↑ http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace/treatment/activel.htm
  6. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/endconversations
  7. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/plans
  8. ↑ https://www.themuse.com/advice/30-brilliant-networking-conversation-starters
  9. ↑ https://hbr.org/2012/01/why-appreciation-matters-so-mu.html
Retrieved from "https://kipkis.com/index.php?title=Start_a_Conversation_with_New_Friends&oldid=320827"