Make Friends

Friendship is a valuable gift, but good friends are often hard to find. Acquiring friends requires making yourself seem attractive to new people, initiating conversations, and being mindful of the needs of others. Meeting new people and making friends can seem like an overwhelming task. But with a little effort and willingness to step outside of your comfort zone, you can easily make friends.

Steps

Finding Places to Make New Friends

  1. Join an organization or club. This is a great way to find other people who have common interests. You don't necessarily need to have a lot of common interests with people in order to make friends with them. In fact, some of the most rewarding friendships are between two people who don't have much in common at all. However, if you like a specific topic, try searching for a location where you can meet people who share that interest.[1]
    • A church, Mosque, temple or other house of worship is a great place to start since you at least have a religious faith in common. However, if you do enter a religious building, remember to be respectful in the house of their God.
    • In addition to church activities, you can join the science club at school, the marching band, a knitting group, or any other shared-interest activity.
    • If you play instruments or sing, try joining a band or choir.
  2. Join a sports team. A common misconception about this is that you have to be really good at playing a particular sport in order to make friends with others on the team. But not all teams are so competitive. As long as you enjoy the sport and support your teammates, joining a local team with a laid-back attitude could be a great way to make new friends.[2]
    • Spending time together at practices and games is a great way to bond with others and make new friends.
  3. Volunteer. Volunteering is also a good way for people of all ages to meet others. By working together, you build bonds with people. You may also meet others who have a passion for changing things the way you do (a common cause).[3]
    • Donate your time at a local nursing home, a hospital, or at a non-profit organization.
  4. Make yourself available. If you want to make friends, you first need to put yourself out there somehow in order to meet people. If you just sit alone, friends might come to you – but that's not likely. If you're still in school, sit somewhere with other people. It doesn't have to be a crowded table, but one with at least two other people.
    • Remember, friends seldom come knocking on your door while you sit at home playing on your laptop.

Making the First Move

  1. Talk to people. You can join a club, go to school, or go to church, but you still won't make friends if you don't actually talk to people. By the same token, you don't have to be involved with an organization to be social. Any time you talk to someone, you have a chance at making a lasting friend. Most conversations may be a dead-end of sorts, and you may never talk to that person again, or you just remain acquaintances – but once in a while you'll actually make a friend.[4]
    • You can talk to anybody: the clerk at the video store, the person sitting next to you on the bus, or the person in front of you in the lunch line. Don't be too picky.
  2. Make eye contact and smile. If you have an unfriendly countenance, people are less likely to be receptive to your friendship. Look people directly in the eye when they are speaking to you (or when you are speaking to them) and offer them a warm, friendly smile.[5]
    • Try not squinting, looking bored, frowning, or appearing blankly deadpan, folding your arms (this practically screams "don't talk to me") or hanging out in a corner; such habits may make you look troubled or disinterested.
  3. Start a conversation. Once you find a person you’re interested in becoming friends with, you need to initiate a conversation with that person. This will help you connect to that person and start forming a friendship.[6]
    • Try making a comment about your immediate environment. The weather is a classic: "At least it's not raining like last week!"
    • Make a request for help: "Can you help me carry a few boxes, if you have a minute?" or "Can you help me decide which one of these is a better gift for my mom?"
    • Give a compliment: "That's a nice car." or "I love your shoes."
    • Follow up immediately with a related question: Do you like this warm weather? What kinds of gifts do you normally buy for your mom? Where did you get shoes like that?
  4. Make small talk. Keep the 30% talking/70% listening, ratio in mind during small talk when possible. Keep in mind that this is only a general rule, and it can change from situation to situation as needed.[7]
    • People enjoy talking about themselves. So, listening more than you talk will make you seem like a desirable friend.
  5. Introduce yourself at the end of the conversation. It can be as simple as saying "Oh, by the way, my name is..." Once you introduce yourself, the other person will typically do the same.[8]
    • Remember his or her name. If you show that you remembered things from your past conversation(s) with the person, not only will you look intelligent but he or she will see that you were paying attention and are willing to be a true friend.
  6. Ask them out for lunch or coffee. That will give you a better opportunity to talk and get to know each other a little bit better. Invite them to join you for coffee sometime and give them your email address or phone number. This gives the person the opportunity to contact you; they may or may not give you their information in return, but that's fine.[9]
    • A good way to extend yourself is to say: "Hey, well, I've got to go, but if you ever want to talk over lunch or coffee or anything like that, let me give you my number/e-mail address."
    • Maybe they don't have time for new friends – don't take it personally. Just offer your contact information to whoever seems to be potentially a good friend, and eventually somebody will get in touch.
  7. Initiate a get-together. You can chat your heart out but it won't get you a friend if you don't open up the opportunity for another conversation or meeting. This is especially important if you meet someone who you aren't otherwise likely to meet again.[10]
    • Tell some new people that you’re having people over to watch a football game or for a fun dinner party. Or suggest going out to the movies or to a bar as a group.
  8. Pursue common interests. If you've discovered that the person you're talking to has a common interest, ask them more about it and, if appropriate, whether they get together with others (in a club, for example) to pursue this interest. If so, this is a perfect opportunity to ask about joining them. If you clearly express interest (when? where? can anyone come?) they'll probably invite you.
    • If you have a club, band, church, etc. that you think they might enjoy, take the opportunity to give them your number or email address and invite them to join you.

Maintaining Friendships

  1. Be loyal to a friend. You've probably heard of fair-weather friends. They're the ones who are happy to be around you when things are going well, but are nowhere to be found when you really need them. Being a loyal friend will attract other people to you who value that quality. This is a good way to put your money where your mouth is and attract the kind of friends you want in your life.[11]
    • Part of being a friend is being prepared to make sacrifices of your time and energy in order to help out your friends.
    • If a friend needs help with an unpleasant chore, or if he or she just needs a shoulder to cry on, be there for them. If your friends make a joke, laugh with them.
  2. Be a good friend. Once you've started spending time with potential friends, remember to do your part. If you want to have good friends in your life, you need to be a good friend yourself. No one will want to be your friend if they can see that you won’t return the sentiment.[12]
    • This means initiating some of the activities, remembering birthdays, asking how the other person is feeling, etc. If you don’t do these things, the friendship will become unbalanced and an uneasiness or distance is likely to arise.
  3. Be reliable. When you say you'll do something, do it. Be someone that people know that they can count on. If you embody these qualities in your treatment of others, it will attract others who appreciate reliability and who will be reliable in return.[13]
    • If you and your friend agree to meet somewhere, don't be late, and do not stand them up.
    • If you're not going to make it on time or make it at all, call them as soon as you realize it. Apologize and ask to reschedule.
    • Don't make them wait for you unexpectedly; it's rude, and it is certainly not a good way to launch a potential friendship.
  4. Be a good listener. Many people think that in order to be seen as "friend material" they have to appear very interesting. Far more important than this, however, is the ability to show that you're interested in others. Listen carefully to what people say, remember important details about them (their names, their likes and dislikes), ask questions about their interests, and just take the time to learn more about them.[14]
    • You don't want to be the guy or girl that always has a better story than anyone else, or that changes the subject abruptly instead of continuing the flow of conversation. These people appear too wrapped up in themselves.
  5. Be trustworthy. One of the best things about having a friend is that you have someone to whom you can talk about anything, even secrets that you hide from the rest of the world. Before people even feel comfortable opening up to you, however, you need to build trust.
    • The key to being a good confidante is the ability to keep secrets. It's no secret that you shouldn't tell other people things that were told to you in confidence.
  6. Emphasize your good qualities. Project the good, unique qualities about yourself. Show others what makes you stand apart from the crowd. Talk about your interests and hobbies. Share a little bit about your background with new friends. Everyone has interesting stories to tell – don’t be afraid to share yours. If you are a unique person, then show it.[15]
    • A little humor always keeps conversation light and happy. People love to be around someone who makes them laugh.
    • If you have a quirky, different style of humor then make sure you let them know that the things you say are in fact a joke. This way you don't just come across as simply weird. It will also help them understand a bit more about you too, which could potentially spark their interest.
  7. Keep in Keep-In-Touch-with-Friends. Many people often times lose contact with their friends because they're either too busy, or just don't value their friends enough. When you lose connection with a friend, the friendship may fizzle out. And when you do try to contact them again, it can be hard to rekindle the friendship.[16]
    • Maintaining friendship is hard work. Make time and share your life with them. Be respectful of their decisions and share yours with him. Strive to keep in contact over time.
  8. Choose your friends wisely. As you befriend more people, you may find that some are easier to get along with than others. While you should always give people the benefit of the doubt, sometimes you may realize that certain friendships are unhealthy, such as if a person is obsessively needy or controlling towards you, constantly critical, or introducing dangers or threats into your life. If this is the case, ease your way out of the friendship as gracefully as possible. Cherish those friends you make who are a positive influence in your life, and do your best to be a positive influence in theirs.[17]
    • If you have to leave a friend because they aren’t good for you, try to preoccupy yourself with other things, such as a new volunteer opportunity, so that you can honestly say that you don't have enough time in your schedule to spend time with them (but don't substitute their time for time with other friends; they may notice and become jealous, and more drama will ensue).

Tips

  • Try to make friends with someone sitting near you or with someone who looks lonely. They might really be able to use some help.
  • Be there for them when they need it. Friends are the people you can rely on when the going gets tough.
  • You don't have to be a superstar to be fun. Try to be positive and friendly so that people feel good and appreciated when they're around you.
  • Get to know that person's other friends. That way you'll not only be friends to them, but friends with his/her friends too.
  • Think about what you say, before you say it. Close friends may become hurt or offended when you speak recklessly.
  • Be helpful to them. Behave in such a manner that they will like to spend time with you.
  • Treat your friends like you want to be treated.

Warnings

  • Never abandon an old friend because you like someone else more.
  • Don't talk behind your friend’s back.
  • Don't be cocky about making new friends. You could easily lose them with this attitude.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/sociallife
  2. ↑ https://www.universitylanguage.com/blog/20/joining-a-sports-team/
  3. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/work-career/volunteering-and-its-surprising-benefits.htm
  4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201107/10-tips-talk-about-anything-anyone
  5. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/eyecontact
  6. ↑ http://techtimeout.com/10-ways-start-maintain-conversation/
  7. ↑ http://www.forbes.com/sites/christinapark/2015/03/30/an-introverts-guide-to-small-talk-eight-painless-tips/#6f44789e5564
  8. ↑ http://uk.businessinsider.com/the-best-way-to-introduce-yourself-2015-10?r=US&IR=T
  9. ↑ http://life-longlearner.com/the-art-of-asking-someone-to-meet-for-coffee/
  10. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/invitefirst
  11. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/how-to-make-friends.htm
  12. ↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-become-a-magnet-for-friends-7-mindful-tips/
  13. ↑ http://www.school-for-champions.com/character/reliable.htm#.WJy5EfkrLIU
  14. ↑ http://au.reachout.com/listening-skills-worth-having
  15. ↑ http://www.mtstcil.org/skills/image-3.html
  16. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/keeping-in-touch-with-friends/
  17. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-hyder-zahed/choose-your-friends-wisel_b_6613164.html
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