Start an Interesting Conversation

Ever tried to have a conversation with someone who completely bores you? Or noticed the glazed-over look in the eyes of the someone you were talking to? Starting an interesting conversation means being approachable and friendly. Keep the conversation focused on the other person and use follow-up questions to show you’re engaged. Start each conversation with an open mind and treat it as a chance to learn something new in order to keep your conversations interesting.

Steps

Opening the Conversation

1. Tell an interesting story. Your stories could be humorous or serious. In either case, ensure your story has a logical beginning, middle, and end. Your goal is to make people interested, not to assault them with facts. Sliding in a joke or making a sarcastic comment makes you seem more approachable, and the people will be more comfortable speaking to you.
   • You could tell a story about a weird day at work. You might begin by saying, “I had a weird day at work. This balloon-selling clown came into the office and was trying to sell balloons to everyone. Soon we all had balloons. I even bought one myself!”
   • Whatever your topic is, ensure it can be understood by your audience. If it has to do with a particular episode in your line of work, explain industry terms and situations that might not be apparent to your conversation partner. Instead of saying, “We had to switch from the scanning electron microscope to the X-ray interferometer,” explain that “The initial type of scan we used didn’t work, so we tried another.”
   • Keep your story short. Try to keep it from 30 seconds to 2 minutes. Anything longer might make the person uninterested.
2. Express an emotional opinion. Ask yourself how you feel about a range of different topics. These could be very mundane topics like starting a new job, or very significant topics like the state of race relations in modern society. Whatever the topic, create a simple sentence linking the topic to your feelings on it.
   • For instance, you might express to a conversation partner, “I feel so angry about what the Presidential front-runner said yesterday.”
   • After expressing yourself, ask how the other person feels about the topic. For instance, using the prior example, you might give a few reasons as to why you were so upset by what the candidate said, then ask, “What about you? How do you feel about the Presidential front-runner?”
   • By inviting the other person to share their thoughts with you in the form of an emotional opinion, you are likely to have a spirited and interesting exchange.
3. Mention something enjoyable. If you’re at a wedding, for instance, you might mention to the other wedding guests, “This cake is terrific,” or “The ceremony was so lovely.” Saying something positive will inspire others to reply with their own opinion on the subject. You can use this good feeling as a springboard into more interesting aspects of the event or venue in which you’re conversing.
   • For instance, you might say, “This is such a great city.” Your conversation partner could agree, then ask, “Have you lived here long?” Use the invitation to talk more about your life in the city and experiences within it.
   • Avoid saying anything negative about other guests, the host, or the social situation you’re in. Doing so runs the risk of alienating the person you’re talking to. For instance, if you say something like “This party is really lame,” and it turns out that the person you’re talking to was the party planner, you will hurt your chances of starting an interesting conversation with them.
4. Steer the conversation toward the other person. If you know a bit about your conversation partner, use this information to dig deeper into their life and interests. For instance, if they skateboard, ask them if they’ve learned any new tricks lately. If you know nothing about the other person, ask them broad, general questions such as “What do you do for work?” or “How long have you lived here?”
5. Compliment your conversation partner. Talking about the weather is cliche and not very interesting, but there are many equally mundane things you could talk about that make for interesting conversation. For instance, you could ask your conversation partner about his or her wardrobe. “Where did you get that dress?” or “That’s a fine suit. Who is your tailor?” are good questions that can lead to an interesting conversation.
   • You can also compliment your conversation partner’s depth of knowledge. For instance, you might tell someone who is explaining evolution to you, “Wow, you know a lot about evolution!” Giving praise makes people more interested in continuing the conversation.
6. Don’t try to brag or show how great you are. The best conversation starters are often stories that reveal your vulnerabilities and shortcomings. For instance, you might tell a story about how you were so nervous about giving a presentation that you forgot to bring the flash drive containing the presentation with you when it was finally time to deliver.

Listening to Your Conversation Partner

1. Don’t rush into your next thought. Even if you have something really interesting to say, keep it to yourself until you’ve finished hearing what the other party has to say. Perhaps they will address the comment you intended to make, or have additional information that would render what you wanted to say moot.
2. Admit ignorance. If the person is talking to you about something you’re uninformed about, let them know and ask for a primer. Usually, the person will be happy to oblige, and the conversation will become interesting both for you and for the other person, who is given the opportunity to share their knowledge of something they are quite familiar with and -- presumably -- passionate about.
   • For instance, if your conversation partner says, “I recently heard a new planet was discovered near Earth,” you might say, “Oh, really? I hadn’t heard. Tell me more about it.”
3. Ask follow-up questions. Whenever your conversation partner answers your questions, ask another question about the answer. For example, if your conversation partner says she works in the makeup industry, ask, “Do you like it?” If she replies that she does, because she gets free makeup all the time, ask her what type of makeup, or how much she is able to get for free. Linking the questions and answers in a continuous chain will give the conversation a natural flow and keep things interesting for you and the other person.
   • Don’t make your exchange seem like an interrogation. Before asking follow-up questions, for instance, insert information about your own opinion or experience (or lack thereof) regarding whatever the other person is talking about.
4. Try to learn something. No matter who you’re talking to or what you’re talking about, try to look at the conversation as an opportunity to expand your own horizons. If you can start a conversation with this attitude, the discussion will become more interesting for you, and the more interested you are, the more interesting it will be for the person who you’re talking to.
5. Encourage your conversation partner through interested body language. If you don’t show interest in what the other person has to say, you might never get to the stage where the conversation is actually interesting. Or, even worse, you might prematurely end a conversation that was just starting to get interesting. Show your interest by maintaining eye contact, nodding your head a few times intermittently while they speak, and interject words of acknowledgment like “Right” or “Yeah.”
6. Don’t force an interesting conversation. If, after a few minutes, you’ve found that the person you’re talking to is uninteresting, or you sense that he or she is uninterested in you, depart from the conversation. If, for instance, they are looking around, giving one-word answers to your questions, staring blankly, or crossing their arms over their chest, they are probably not interested in the conversation.
   • If the conversation is uninteresting to one of you, it will quickly become uninteresting to both of you.
   • Don’t waste your time by trying to make the conversation interesting.
   • Don’t take it personally if the person you’re talking to is uninterested in conversing with you.
7. Pay attention to your conversation partner's pace and tone. You might notice that the person you are talking to has a distinct style of talking and gesturing. Allow your tone and pace to match up with your partner's tone and pace. For example, if your partner speaks in a low voice, then lower your voice a bit. If your partner speaks in a slow, intentional way, then try to do the same. This can enhance the conversation.
   • You might even be matching your partner's tone and pace without noticing it. For example, if your partner speaks rapidly and uses a lot of hand movements while speaking, then you might find that you are doing the same.
   • Make sure that you do not try to mimic or copy your conversational partner in an obvious way. This may insult the person.

Preparing to Start an Interesting Conversation

1. Seek out interesting people. One way to increase the chances of having a good conversation is to find people who are interesting to you. Try to find people who you have something in common with. This will make it easier to get a conversation going and keep it lively.
   • For example, if you notice that someone is wearing the jersey for your favorite football team, then there is a good chance that you will have lots to discuss. Or, if you meet someone at an art show that you are attending, then you probably share a love of art that could make for an interesting conversation.
2. Have more interesting experiences. The more unique, crazy, or uncommon experiences you have, the more interesting things you’ll be able to share in conversation. Go skydiving, jet-skiing, and mountain climbing. Take up an unusual hobby like writing letters to prisoners or sword swallowing. Then, the next time someone asks you what you like to do in your spare time, you’ll be ready to shock them, and an interesting conversation will unfold.
3. Present yourself as non-threatening. People will not want to approach you if you seem haughty or unfriendly. Smile or tell a joke so that people see you as approachable and interested in conversation.
4. Make a note of interesting things that happen to you. When something weird or wonderful happens, you can use it to start an interesting conversation. You could make either a mental or a physical note. To make a mental note, try to take a snapshot of the scene. Remember where you were, what you were doing, and what the weird or wonderful thing that happened was. If you had a clever response, you should remember it, as well. If you want to make a physical note, write a brief description of the event on a piece of paper and put it in your pocket with a note at the end reading, “That was very odd,” or “It was quite strange!” Events that you might want to remember to start your conversation include:
   • somebody using a weird word (“Yesterday I heard someone use the word defenestrate. I didn’t even know that was a word!”)
   • somebody doing something odd (“Yesterday I saw somebody running around in his underwear in the subway!”)
   • having a weird thought that might amuse or interest others (“You know, yesterday I realized how much plastic we use.”)
5. Stay current with news and events. Current events are likely to be on everyone’s mind. Watch the news regularly. Get your news from a variety of news sources. Subscribe to reliable news sources like the BBC, NPR, and CNN on Twitter and other social media to stay up-to-date. You could also pick up a newspaper or news periodical to get the news of the day.
   • Talking to your conversation partner about recent political, social, and economic developments can provide an interesting start to your conversation.
   • For instance, you might say, "Have you heard about the strike at the meat-packing plant? It seems really serious."
6. Stay up-to-date with pop culture. Popular topics for interesting conversation include the latest TV shows, movies, internet memes, and songs or musical artists. Listen to the radio whenever you can, and check out movies that you think seem interesting either at home or at the theater. Use apps like The Soup to stay informed about the latest in popular culture news, and follow your favorite bands, celebrities, musicians, and actors on Twitter.
   • If there’s a new band, app, movie, or show you really like, use it to start an interesting conversation. For instance, you could say to your conversation partner, “Have you seen the new Ultra Man movie? It’s really great.”
   • Even if you don’t know every new film, song, or TV show, you can always ask questions to learn more from someone who does seem when it comes time to talk about pop culture. For instance if someone asks, “Have you seen that new movie Ultra Man?” you might reply, “No, is it any good? What’s it about?”
7. Prepare for bad conversation. Even with the best intentions, you’re likely to have some very uninteresting conversations. If your conversation goes south, just excuse yourself politely and try to strike up another conversation with someone else.
   • Sometimes other people are just not interested in starting an interesting conversation.
   • If you decide it’s time to bail on a conversation partner, excuse yourself to get a refill on a drink, make a call, or say that you need to help the host of the party in the kitchen.
   • Tell your conversation partner, “It was nice talking to you,” before departing.

Tips

• Enjoy yourself.
• If you change the subject too much or too suddenly, it will be regarded as rude. If someone is really boring you, try changing the subject slightly. If the subject is golf, for example, try changing it to the Olympics.
• Keep your responses short. Don't give detail after detail about how you studied for five hours (or whatever).
• Be polite in conversation.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Make Conversation in a Meeting
• Keep the Conversation Flowing with a Girl (for Guys)
• Ask Someone if They're Okay
• Spot Your Conversational Blind Spots
• Talk About Yourself
• Talk to Your Barber
• Give Good Feedback
• Start a Conversation When You Have Nothing to Talk About
• Have a Great Conversation
• Validate Someone's Feelings

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