Stop Getting Discouraged

Setbacks are an inevitable part of life. However, sometimes these obstacles can make you feel discouraged and depressed. Focusing on the positives and learning to view setbacks as learning opportunities can help you avoid feeling discouraged when life throws you a curveball.

Steps

Choosing Your Outlook

  1. Visualize accomplishing your goals. Envision how happy you'll be when you earn that promotion at work or meet your weight loss goal. Focus on the positive outcome of accomplishing your goals, rather than becoming discouraged about how far away that goal might seem.[1]
    • For example, if you want to save up for a vacation, decide how much money you'll need for the trip and brainstorm how you can reach your goal. Don't get overwhelmed if it feels daunting at first. Maybe you'll skip your morning latte or get rid of cable for a year to save up. Envision how happy you'll be as you progress toward having enough money to take your vacation.
  2. Focus on your successes. Avoid focusing on past failures or struggles, which can be very discouraging.[2] Instead, focus on your successes and the actions you can take moving forward to achieve your goals.
    • If you've been trying to lose weight and you have a bad weekend where you overeat and forget to workout, don't beat yourself up over it. Instead, focus on what you did right, such as getting right back on track on Monday morning or giving your body and mind a break for the week. Focusing on what you did right instead of focusing on your mistakes helps keep you encouraged and in a happier mindset.
  3. View setbacks as learning opportunities. Everyone has failed at something at some point. Remember that just because you experience a setback does not mean that you are a failure. Setbacks are just opportunities to learn what did and didn't work for next time.
    • If you experience a setback, try not to dwell on the negative. Dwelling on your setbacks is discouraging and unproductive, so try to look for the opportunities in the setback instead.
    • For example, losing a job could be an opportunity to find a more fulfilling one or to go back to school. The end of a relationship might be a chance to focus more on loving yourself and cultivating your friendships.[2]
  4. Set realistic goals. Unrealistic goals set you up for discouragement, so be sure that the goals you hope to accomplish are realistic and can be completed in a reasonable amount of time. Remember that progress takes time, and for most personal goals, results will not happen overnight.
    • Be sure to break up large goals into smaller steps so you feel better able to conquer them. For example, instead of making a goal of running a marathon this year, work your way up to that goal by making your first goal to complete a 5K run.
  5. Document your progress. Seeing physical proof of your accomplishments is important. Having visual proof of your progress will make you feel better and keep you encouraged to keep working toward your goals.[3]
    • For example, you might chart weight loss in a journal, jot down when you pay off a credit card, or keep a tally of your growing savings account. Every little bit counts, and documenting your progress will help you see how far you've come.

Changing Your Attitude

  1. Choose optimism. To overcome discouragement, you have to choose optimism and positivity. Even though this might feel forced or like you’re “faking it” at first, eventually your efforts will pay off. Rather than thinking you will fail at achieving your goal before you even start, believing that you can achieve it if you go slowly and work hard will help you accomplish your goal.[4]
    • If you have 50lbs to lose, for example, it can seem overwhelming. However, if you reframe your weight loss goal in a positive light and imagine that you only have to lose 5lbs ten times, then your goal seems more doable. Optimism and positive thinking are key to mentally framing your goals and subsequently achieving them.
  2. Let go of anger. Anger over past mistakes or injustices will discourage you and make you feel inadequate. Acknowledge your anger and remember that while it’s okay to feel that way, it isn’t beneficial for you. Move past your anger and focus on your goals.[5]
    • Anger is often a manifestation of other emotions like frustration, insecurity, injustice, or feeling hurt. Try to channel your anger constructively. Healthy ways to Control Anger include deep breathing and taking a time out, for example.[5]
    • Relaxing distractions like reading or journaling are also helpful outlets for venting frustrations.
  3. Let go of fear. Fear, just like anger, is toxic to encouragement and happiness. If you live in fear of failure or never accomplishing important goals, it can feel like your fears are paralyzing. Incorporating anxiety alleviating techniques is key to moving beyond your fears and avoiding discouragement and fear. It's important to address your fears so that you can adequately Deal With Anxiety.
    • For example, if you have to fly for work and you're afraid to fly, this can disrupt your plans to earn an excellent evaluation at work. Using exposure therapies and cognitive behavioral therapy helps you calm your fears and desensitizes you to the intimidating experience. Use Cognitive Behavioral Theory to help you face your fears and anxieties head-on.[6]
  4. Avoid comparing yourself to others. Comparing yourself to friends, family, or colleagues breeds anxiety and discouragement. You don’t know the struggles and discouragement those people went through to achieve what they have. You can only do your best, so focus inwardly on what you can do to achieve your goals. Avoid outward, surface-level comparisons to others, which only serve to discourage and distract you from accomplishing your goals.[1]

Practicing Positivity

  1. Squeeze in a workout. Exercise combats depression and elevates mood. If you find yourself feeling down or discouraged, make an effort to spend at least twenty minutes a day on exercise. If possible, go for a walk or jog outside in the fresh air and sunshine.[7]
  2. Find a mentor. If you are feeling discouraged at work, seek out the mentorship of a senior colleague. Your mentor should be someone who is positive and willing to work with you. Avoid trying to force a mentor relationship. Be sure to Find a Mentor with whom you think you will work well.
    • For example, if you are a new teacher and feel overwhelmed, ask a friendly colleague how they dealt with stress and discouragement when they were just starting out. Their wisdom and experience will be helpful, in addition to letting you know that you’re not alone in your feelings.
  3. Journal daily. Documenting goals, setbacks, and feelings will help keep you aware of how you’re progressing. Being aware of your feelings and how certain situations affect you is key to achieving balance and avoiding discouragement.
    • For example, did a setback at work make you especially discouraged this week? Did you ace a test that you studied hard for? Note good and bad feelings and experiences in your journal.
    • A gratitude journal is a great way to stave off discouragement. Start a Gratitude Journal and try to journal each day about something that went well for you or that you’re grateful for.
    • You can download journal and gratitude journal apps onto your phone, tablet, or computer, if you prefer. Otherwise, an old-fashioned notebook will work just as well.
  4. Treat yourself for accomplishments. When you work hard on something and you achieve a goal, celebrate it! Go out for a nice meal, get a pedicure, or simply plan alone time for yourself to relax at home. No matter how small the goal, if you set a goal and accomplished it, it’s important to reward yourself.[3]
  5. Spend time with like-minded friends. If you are trying to change your outlook from one of depression and discouragement, then you must surround yourself with others who express positivity and encouragement. Spend time with friends who support you and don’t question you for trying to change your outlook or accomplish your goals. Especially avoid those who belittle your goals and try to drag you down.[8]
  6. Talk to a therapist. Despite our best efforts, sometimes enlisting the help of a mental health professional is necessary to help us overcome feelings of discouragement and sadness. Therapists are trained to help you identify your stressors and can be invaluable for overcoming discouragement.
    • If you feel overwhelmed and discouraged and don’t think you are improving on your own, a licensed therapist will be able to encourage you and help you have a more positive outlook.[9]

Tips

  • It can be easy to spiral downward into depression if you repeatedly feel down and discouraged. If the tips presented here aren't helping you, then do not be shy about speaking with a mental health professional. They will be able to help you with therapies and medication, if appropriate.

Related Articles

Avoid Getting Discouraged

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/12-things-when-get-discouraged.html
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2015/02/28/transforming-failure/
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/4-ways-track-your-progress-toward-your-goals.html
  4. ↑ http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/stay-positive
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 http://www.helpguide.org/articles/emotional-health/anger-management.htm
  6. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/phobias-and-fears.htm
  7. ↑ http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/get-physically-active
  8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-heart/201304/stay-positive
  9. ↑ http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/get-professional-help-if-you-need-it
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