Stop Making Excuses

Accomplishing success in life, work, and relationships requires an understanding of how to stop making excuses. Psychology theories can help us understand why we make excuses and therefore how to stop making excuses and take responsibility for our actions.

Steps

Learning About Yourself and Your Excuses

  1. Understand locus of control. The first step to stopping making excuses is to examine how much you view life as being in your control. Excuses are often made to shift blame away to circumstances beyond our control. If you hear yourself saying that you cannot lose weight because your partner bakes too much, you are shifting the blame to someone external and you instead need to take personal responsibility.[1]
    • Internal locus of control is the extent to which you assume responsibility for your actions and believe you can control your life. Having an internal locus of control better focuses you for future success.[2]
    • External locus of control protects your self-image by blaming fate or others and escaping ownership of your mistakes or failures.
  2. Understand self-efficacy. Your belief in your ability to complete a task greatly influences the actual accomplishment of that task, whether it is a work, fitness, or personal goal. Self-efficacy is based on your past experiences with a task, seeing how others have experienced the same task, how people treat you related to performing that task, and your emotional cues related to the task.
    • If you have been successful at gaining muscle mass by lifting weights in the past, you see your friends doing the same, you hear people comment positively on your larger muscles, and you feel pride seeing yourself in the mirror, you will be more likely to again achieve an increase in muscle mass, instead of making excuses that you cannot do so.[3]
  3. Increase your sense of self-efficacy. There are many things you can do to start building up your confidence in yourself. Small changes allow you to quickly meet goals and start increasing your self-efficacy.[4]
    • Try making small changes to start. Instead of revamping your entire diet, start by increasing your water intake for a week, then move on to decreasing sugary treats the week after that.
    • Reflect on past successes. Remembering how you have previously accomplished goals will give you the support you need to accomplish the next one.
    • Visualize your success. See yourself in that smaller dress size.
    • Choose a role model. If you are trying to get fit, find a friend who has recently gone through that adjustment herself and look to her for inspiration and advice.
    • Allow some self-doubt. Don’t expect to be perfect because setbacks and pauses will occur in your journey – setting yourself up to be perfect will only lead to disappointment. Expect to have self-doubt and you can easier adjust and move forward.
  4. Examine your own excuses. Make a list of the excuses you make, consider why you make them, and decide which ones you want to work on stopping first.
    • Review the excuses you are making about your performance at work. If you find you complain about deadlines, for example, maybe you need to re-examine your workflow process.[5]
    • Consider what excuses you make about getting healthy.[6] One of the most common is that you don’t have enough time to exercise. That’s why doctors now suggest to get your exercise in ten minute increments – that’s just a brisk walk on a coffee break![7]
    • Think about the excuses you make about achieving your life goals. Make a list of what you want to accomplish in life and list off why you feel you aren’t achieving these goals, then try to problem solve ways to overcome any personal obstacles you find. Remember that nothing will change until you do.[8]

Taking Ownership of your Goals

  1. Examine your goals. In order to understand how you can better achieve your goals, you need to take a good hard look at them, determine if they are realistic and within your control and your ability, determine what scares you about them, and realize what underlying assumptions you might unconsciously have about them.[9]
    • For example, if you claim you want to be more successful at work, think about what the phrase “more successful” means to you. You might be unfairly comparing yourself to your parents’ expectations or to a co-worker who has been at your workplace for more years than you.
  2. Define your goals the SMART way. Make sure your goal is Specific, Measurable, Attainable and Achievable, Relevant and Realistic, and Timely. Once you set SMART goals, you are more likely to achieve them.[10]
    • Specific goals have a very focused target. Don’t just say you want to improve at work, say you want to gain 5 new clients this month. Thinking of the who, what, where, when, and why will help ensure your goal is specific.
    • Measurable goals make it easier to see your progress. Instead of saying you want to lose weight, specify that you want to lose 3 pounds this month.
    • Achievable goals ensure you do not suffer defeat at the hands of unrealistic expectations. You might want to earn more money but a goal of an extra $1000 in sales might be more more achievable than $10,000.
    • Relevant goals make sure that you aren’t wasting time doing something that might not actually help. If you want to be a more flexible dancer, sign up for a gymnastics class instead of joining a chess league this season.
    • Time bound goals give you a target date. Some people need the push of a deadline. Say you want to have 10,000 words written for your novel - by the end of the month.
  3. Start taking personal responsibility by shifting to an internal locus of control. Once you assume ownership for making your workplace more efficient, for example, you can be a more effective contributor. Managers and employees who are more confident, initiate action, take steps, and influence others are seen as more respected and feel more successful at work.[11]
    • Taking responsibility also means owning up to mistakes without making excuses for them. Everyone makes mistakes, but being honest and accountable makes both learning from mistakes and getting over mistakes easier.[12]
    • Remind yourself that you have the power to influence your situation and environment. You can change if you make the choice to do so.
  4. Become a high-self monitor. Self-monitoring is the ability to assess yourself in order to more easily adjust to a situation. Being able to accurately assess your skills, style, and goals in a particular situation affords you the ability to better adapt, and successful adaptation leads to success in goal achievement.[13]
    • If you can monitor and adapt your communication style at work depending on who you talk to, for example, you may become better friends with your co-workers and a better leader when working with multiple employees in different roles.

Overcoming Obstacles

  1. Develop your problem solving abilities. Write out what is bothering you, brainstorm how many different ways you can approach the problem, assess the pros and cons of each approach, implement an approach, and evaluate the outcome.
    • Writing out your problems then brainstorming solutions, no matter how far-fetched they may seem, is a sound way of taking steps to solve those problems. [14]
  2. Be resourceful. Resourcefulness is one of the key factors to overcoming any challenge.
    • Being resourceful includes asking for help so don’t be afraid to turn to your family, friends, or colleagues for assistance.[15]
  3. Self-evaluate. Whether it be how many sales you close at work or how often you cook dinner at home instead of ordering take-out, tracking and evaluating your activities is the best way to witness progress, see what’s working, and fix what’s not helpful. Once you can track and accomplish your goals, you can self-evaluate.
    • Be your own critic. Be objective and realistic when you self-evaluate, and remember, “if it is to be, it’s up to me.”[16]
  4. Revise your language. If you find yourself engaging in self-doubt, telling yourself you “can’t do it” or “if only…”, you are buying into an external locus of control and may feel stuck in your present situation. Instead, tell yourself, “I think I can.”[17]
    • Repeat positive mantras such as “I can do this” or “I’m getting better at this.”
    • Examine your “if only” statements and reword them positively. For example, “if only I had more time” can change to “I can find 10 minutes a day to do yoga.” Believing in yourself is half the battle.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://web.calstatela.edu/faculty/jshindl/cm/Excuse%20and%20Responsibility%20Psychology.htm
  2. ↑ https://www.boundless.com/definition/locus-of-control/
  3. ↑ http://nationalforum.com/Electronic%20Journal%20Volumes/Lunenburg,%20Fred%20C.%20Self-Efficacy%20in%20the%20Workplace%20IJMBA%20V14%20N1%202011.pdf
  4. ↑ Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy : the exercise of control. New York : W.H. Freeman, c1997.
  5. ↑ http://www.techrepublic.com/blog/10-things/10-excuses-your-boss-doesnt-want-to-hear/
  6. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chris-powell/weight-loss-tips_b_1776988.html
  7. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16506860
  8. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/emily-williams/one-sentence-to-help-you-finally-reach-your-goals_b_5565986.html
  9. ↑ http://www.forbes.com/sites/hennainam/2014/01/30/one-simple-exercise-to-meet-your-goals/
  10. ↑ http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0090261606000544
  11. ↑ http://workplacepsychology.net/2013/06/05/locus-of-control-stop-making-excuses-and-start-taking-responsibility/
  12. ↑ http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/232417
  13. ↑ http://www.washingtonpost.com/business/capitalbusiness/career-coach-a-little-self-monitoring-might-help-you-in-your-move-up-the-career-ladder/2012/03/07/gIQAf1lL5R_story.html
  14. ↑ http://www.kent.ac.uk/careers/sk/problem-solving-skills.htm
  15. ↑ http://www.amanet.org/training/articles/Climb-or-Blow-Up-Every-Mountain-Five-Steps-to-Overcoming-Obstacles.aspx
  16. ↑ http://www.eiu.edu/readctr/files/goalset.pdf
  17. ↑ Maddux, J. E. (2009). Self-efficacy: The power of believing you can. In Snyder, C. R., & Lopez, S. J. (Eds.),Oxford handbook of positive psychology, 2nd ed. New York: Oxford University Press.
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