Stop Premature Ejaculation
Premature ejaculation, or ejaculating before you or your partner wanted you to, is a common problem that strikes most men at some point in their lives. Several factors can influence when ejaculation occurs, but it can be controlled with some forethought or, in extreme cases, medical intervention. Here are some strategies to help you get over premature ejaculation and improve your sexual stamina.
Contents
Steps
Changes in the Bedroom
- Reduce anxiety. For many men anxiety and pressure to perform is a major contributor to premature ejaculation. Relax and remember that your partner probably cares about more than the timing of your orgasms, and that premature ejaculation doesn't mean you can't still be good in bed.
- Take climaxing out of your expectations. Instead of viewing intercourse only as a means of achieving orgasm, reframe it as relaxing, pleasurable time with your partner that you'll enjoy regardless of ejaculation. Discuss this new mindset with your partner, so that he or she can stop pressuring you, intentionally or not.
- Think nonsexual thoughts. If you notice yourself getting too excited, turn your thoughts to something distant, abstract and unsexy, such as math, rush hour traffic or baseball. Only dwell on it long enough to give yourself a short break from arousal, maybe 5 to 10 seconds, then refocus your attention on your partner. Avoid thinking of a topic that is going to make you stressed or cause you to lose your arousal entirely.
- Try edging. Edging, or orgasm control, is the practice of maintaining a high level of sexual arousal while delaying ejaculation. It takes practice, but it gets easier over time. Here are two methods recommended by the National Institutes of Health to stop premature ejaculation:
- Stop-and-start method: Have intercourse as usual until you feel yourself coming uncomfortably close to orgasm. Immediately and abruptly cease all stimulation for 30 seconds, then start again. Repeat this pattern until you're ready to ejaculate.
- Squeeze method: Have intercourse as usual until you feel like orgasm is seconds away. Abruptly stop other stimulation and gently squeeze your thumb and forefinger around the part of the penis where the glans meets the shaft (or your partner could do this). After squeezing for a few seconds, pause all stimulation for another 30 seconds before resuming intercourse. Repeat this pattern until you're ready to ejaculate.
- Change positions. Some intercourse positions put less pressure on the glans (or the most sensitive part of the penis). Here's what to do:
- Try "passive" positions. Lie beneath your female partner, or try a side-by-side (or spooning) position.
- Avoid "active" positions. Missionary and rear-entry positions place the most stimulation and friction on the glans, so consider taking them off the menu for now.
- Take it slow. Depending on your personal sensitivity, slowing your movements and opting for gentler, more teasing intercourse can help you hold off orgasm longer. If you find yourself getting too close to orgasm, slow down for a bit, change to a new position, or take a break to stimulate your partner in other ways.
- Focus on foreplay. Sometimes "premature" is a frame of mind. Even if your ejaculation comes quickly during intercourse, you can still give your partner a great sexual experience through more extended, intimate, attentive and generous foreplay. Stimulate your partner enough manually, orally or with toys, and they may not need or want a long bout of intercourse to finish happy.
Exercises and Training
- Do PC muscle exercises. Flexing and strengthening your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle can help you exert more control over ejaculation. (Note that these are also called Kegel exercises, which you might have heard about women doing. The muscle is the same in both sexes.)
- Locate your PC muscle. Put one or two fingers right behind your testicles. Pretend that you are urinating, then try to stop the flow with a quick muscle contraction. That muscle you just used to stop the flow from the bladder is your PC muscle.
- Flex the muscle regularly. Try to do 10 to 20 squeezes in a set, 2 or 3 times a day. Do a set whenever you're bored or stationary—like when you're sitting at your desk or in traffic. No one will be able to see that you're doing them.
- Squeeze your PC muscle when you feel ejaculation coming on. Once the muscle is strong enough, you should be able to hold it off just like stopping flow when urinating.
- Practice controlling your orgasm. When masturbating or with a patient partner, focus on improving your control over your climax. Stimulate yourself to the edge of climax and then stop. Do this several times before finishing. As you practice, learn to recognize the feeling of getting close to orgasm, and take note of how close you can get and still effectively stop, and when you've reached a "point of no return." During intercourse, use that knowledge to slow down or adjust your movements if you get too close too early.
Medical Intervention
- See a doctor. If you routinely ejaculate less than a minute and a half after beginning vaginal intercourse, and none of the above fixes have worked, it might be time to see a medical professional. You can visit a urologist, sex therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist for help.
- Know what treatment options to expect. The treatment that your doctor recommends will depend on your age, overall health and sexual history, but here's a rundown of the most common routes:
- A topical medication containing an anesthetic applied directly onto the penis which reduces penile sensitivity. A couple of topical over-the-counter medications are now available on the market in the US; a urologist can help you decide between the options.
- A short-acting SSRI: Researchers suspect serotonin has an effect on ejaculation, and have found a certain class of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors can help delay it.
- A mild oral analgesic.
- A tri-cyclic anti-depressant.
- Intracavernous vasodilator therapy: In extreme cases, your doctor might suggest injecting a vasodilator directly into your penis before intercourse. Though this is usually a successful option, it's not something to start lightly.
- Psychological sex therapy. If your doctor believes your PE is mental or emotional in origin, they may recommend therapy with a counselor to discuss, unravel and overcome your sexual anxieties or hangups.
Quick Fixes
- Wear a condom. It sounds too simple to be true, but it works for a lot of men. Condoms reduce stimulation for most men, which should prolong the time before ejaculation.
- Steer clear of condoms that are marketed as extra thin. You can always upgrade to a brand that allows more stimulation later.
- Some condoms are coated with a slight numbing gel on the inside. This can help you put off ejaculation for longer without causing numbness to your partner. (Just make sure you know which side is where when you put it on.)
- Use an analgesic cream or spray. There are two classes of these products. The first is the traditional "numbing" creams and sprays that have been on the market for some time. The upside is that you'll feel less sensation, which will delay ejaculation. The downside is your partner may suffer a loss of sensation as well—and of course less sensitive intercourse is not always an appealing notion, even in these circumstances.
- There is a new class of topical medications that absorb into the skin to deliver a mild anesthetic to the sensory nerves below the stratum corneum (top layer of skin) of the penis. This allows men to have ejaculatory control but with less loss of sexual sensation, and reduces the transference to their partners. Look for products that are compliant to FDA 21CFR 348.10 and have a "eutectic formula" which is the basis of the absorption technology.
- Apply strategic pressure. With a little anatomy knowledge, you can delay an oncoming ejaculation by applying pressure to one of two spots.
- Perineum pressure: Pressing on the perineum, a spot midway between your scrotum and your anus, will help to stop ejaculation because this spot reaches through to the prostate gland. It is the prostate that contracts and expands during orgasm and then expels the ejaculation fluid. Ask your partner to apply this loving pressure for you.
- Testes tug: When a man nears orgasm his scrotum rises up closer to his body. You can delay ejaculation by gently pulling your testes down and away from your body. Your partner can also do this for you.
Tips
- Keep in mind that erectile problems come and go, and this issue is most likely not permanent.
- Additionally, most men gain more control over ejaculating as they get older. If you're still young, try not to worry too much — you'll probably grow out of premature ejaculation, especially with more practice.
Warnings
- Do not let your anxiety about premature ejaculation stop you from having sex. Sex can be beneficial to people by lowering stress levels and has even been found to reduce the risks of prostate cancer in males. If you are concerned about your performance, focus on stimulating your partner in ways besides just intercourse.
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