Stop Telling Lies of Omission

Lying by omission means only telling parts of the truth without giving important details. Though you may feel that you are preventing harm to someone by omitting the truth from them, you are misleading them and discrediting your own integrity. Stop telling lies of omission by focusing on the whole truth, being honest, and fostering trust with others.

Steps

Telling the Whole Truth

1. Cut out the behavior that you feel you must lie about. Take some time to reflect on all of the lies of omission that you have told to others lately. Try making a list and seeing what connections you can make. Perhaps there is some negative behavior that you have allowed to have a stronghold in your life. Work to eradicate this behavior.
   • For instance, when your spouse asks about your day, you might neglect to mention that you have lunch daily with a coworker who you flirt with. Cease having lunches or alone time with this person so that you don’t have any bad information to omit to your partner.
2. Disclose anything that you would want to know. In taking some time to reflect on the things you have lied about to others, think about the things that you would like to know were you in their shoes. Perhaps you are having more than the one drink per day that you told your wife you have. Consider if you would want to know if she were drinking more heavily than you thought and use this as an incentive to be more honest.
3. Avoid abstractions. One other way to begin telling the full truth to others is to avoid speaking vaguely. Rather than using abstract language, answer questions fully without being overly detailed. For instance, if you were asked what you did that day, don’t just say that you went to work. Talk about how you got a promotion, had an argument with a coworker, or missed a project deadline.
   • Honesty will help bring you closer to others.
   • Know that you also don’t have to tell people things just because they ask. You can simply say “I prefer not to talk about it with you.”
4. Be honest about who you are. Allow people to get to know you, flaws and all. Know that many of the mistakes that you make, others make as well. Avoid protecting yourself with lies and give others an opportunity to be honest with you about themselves, as well.
   • For instance, perhaps your professor made an error on your exam costing you a few points and you tell people that you failed the course. If you neglect to tell however that you missed half of your classes that semester, you are lying by omission.
5. Be direct. Sometimes, you might lie by omission because you are spending too much time on minor details of an event rather than focusing on larger, more important things. Begin being more direct and avoid beating around the bush when disclosing something to someone. The more you delay the truth, the less likely you are to tell it.
   • For instance, if you got a traffic ticket that day and are avoiding telling your mom or partner, instead of chatting endlessly about other details of your day, address that first and admit to your guilt.

Practicing Honesty

1. Pause when you are thinking of omitting something. Work on deautomatizing your lies. Perhaps you have become so accustomed to omitting the truth that it has become almost second nature to you. When you are thinking of lying, take a few seconds to pause. Take as much time as you need to gather the courage to be fully honest.
   • Perhaps you will even need to excuse yourself for a few moments until you feel ready to be honest. Simply say “Hold on for one moment, I’ll be right back.”
2. Practice in the mirror. If you will soon have to discuss something that is uncomfortable for you with someone, try practicing in the mirror beforehand. This will help you become more comfortable with the truth and prepared to be honest.
   • Look in the mirror and practice saying something like “Jenny, I was fired today because I was late on several assignments. I was irresponsible with them and it cost me my job.”
3. Accept that the truth is less messy. Once you tell one lie by omission, you will typically always have to tell more. If you tell the truth, you will never have to try to remember what story you told or worry about others telling the truth for you. Be honest so that you don’t get caught up in a web of lies.
   • For instance, if you don’t tell your partner about hanging out with an ex, know that that doesn’t mean that your ex won’t tell someone or that someone didn’t see you. You run the risk of your partner finding out through someone else, which will make you look dishonest and untrustworthy.
4. Admit when you lie. Know that during this process of being more honest, you will not be perfect. You may slip up and neglect to tell important information or you may outright lie about some things. However, there are ways to rectify and correct your lies. Confess immediately once you omit something or lie. Though the person may be upset, at least they will know the truth.
   • Say something like “Hey babe, I know yesterday I told you that I went to the mall, and that was true, but I got a guy’s number when I was there. I already deleted it from my phone, but I wanted to apologize both for doing that and for not telling you sooner.”

Creating Openness and Trust

1. Pick the right time to talk. You can create an environment conducive to honesty by first choosing the right time to talk. Don’t want until very late at night or early in the morning to tell someone something that could upset them. Instead, tell them when you both have time to talk.
   • If this person is your spouse or parent, avoid doing so when they first arrive home. Give them some time to settle in before having a difficult conversation.
2. Find healthy and thoughtful ways to express yourself. Perhaps having a face to face conversation disclosing something bad that you did is a bit hard for you right now. This does not mean, however, that you should neglect to tell the truth. If you cannot have a face to face conversation, try writing a letter or sending an email until you can build up the courage.
3. Be calm when others tell you the truth. When others tell you uncomfortable truths, don’t blow up in anger with them for whatever wrong they have done. Approach the situation with calmness and patience. The same negative energy that you put in when you are honest is often what others will give back to you.
   • This does not mean that you don’t have the right to be angry, but avoid expressing that anger is harmful ways. Don’t yell, curse, or repeatedly bring the issue up.
4. Surround yourself with people who are understanding. Some people you will find may place impossible standards upon you. While this is still no reason to lie, know that many do not encourage the truth because their expectations are beyond reason. Avoid such people and find people who will love and respect you.
   • For instance, perhaps you have a coworker who you are strictly friends with and your partner does not like it because they are overly jealous. If you know there is no flirtation and has never been a relationship between the two of you, don’t feel the need to lose this friend because your partner cannot control themselves.
5. Keep your promises. In addition to letting go of lying by omission, you should also work to keep any and all promises that you make to others. Avoid making promises that you may be unable to keep. After you have lied to people, they will not have much trust in you, and in order to build that back up, keep your word to others.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Lie
• Detect Lies
• Tell Someone You Lied
• Spot a Shoplifter
• Spot a Pathological Liar
• Make Someone Tell the Truth
• Detect a Liar
• Tell if Someone Is Lying About Using Drugs
• Manipulate People
• Stop Lying

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