Take Care of Your Wife or Girlfriend During Pregnancy

You have just found out a baby is on the way! Whether it was a surprise or planned, you may be wondering what you can do to make her life easier for the next nine months, as well as demonstrate that you’re going to make a great parent. Don’t be daunted by pregnancy—you’ve got nine months to get used to the idea of having a new little one and show your wife or girlfriend that she’s not alone.

Steps

Taking Care of Her Physically

1. Go with her to doctor appointments. Depending on your wife or girlfriend’s health and age, she may be going to the doctor or midwife a lot. Going with her to as many appointments as you can is important. She may need help walking up the stairs, undressing for the appointment, and so on. Your presence at the appointments also demonstrates your role as a new parent, and shows support.
   • For a healthy pregnancy, she will go once a month until the third trimester, and if she is a high-risk pregnancy, she may go twice as often.
2. Help her sleep. As your wife or girlfriend progresses in her pregnancy, it will become more and more difficult to find a position on the bed in which she can fall asleep. Make her nighttime sleeping arrangements as comfortable as you can so that she has energy during the day with less cause to become irritable and moody from lack of sleep.
   • Buy her things for sleeping like a full body pillow and relaxing herbal tea, or try cuddling and massage.
3. Cook for her. Your wife or girlfriend's diet doesn’t necessarily have to change dramatically, but she does need to eat healthy, protein-rich meals and consume a variety of nutrient-rich vegetables and minerals. Learning what she can eat and adapting it so that it tastes good will make any pregnant woman feel cared for.
   • Prepare her salads with leafy greens, and meals with plenty of dairy, citrus, fatty fish, poultry, and dried beans.
   • Preparing healthy snacks is especially helpful since most pregnant women have to eat every few hours to prevent nausea.
4. Find morning sickness remedies. Morning sickness varies in intensity from mother to mother, and from pregnancy to pregnancy. The mother of your child may have morning sickness nonstop for the entire pregnancy, needing to vomit after each meal, or not at all. If she does have it, do things to ease her suffering.
   • You can supply her with at-home remedies like ginger ale, ginger tea, folic acid and vitamin B6 supplements, and saltine crackers.
     • Those who are pregnant should consult with their health-care provider before taking any herbs or dietary supplements. It's possible ginger can interact with certain medications or illnesses.
   • Be aware that smells can become nausea triggers, especially in the first trimester. Avoid strong-smelling foods like eggs and fish.
5. Help her shop for gear. When a new mom picks up baby gear at the store, it is often big ticket items like cribs, car seats, and changing tables. Go with her to pick up these items so that she is not carrying heavy objects on her own.
   • Your presence also shows that you support her.
6. Be flexible about love making. It is perfectly safe to have sex during pregnancy, but that doesn’t mean that your wife or girlfriend will be into it. Don’t pressure her to have sex when she doesn’t feel up to it. She will most likely have decreased desires for it during the first and last trimesters, and an increased desire for it in the second trimester.
   • Sex during pregnancy is only unsafe if the pregnancy has complications, like premature labor and unexplained vaginal bleeding. Also avoid sex if her water has broken.

Taking Care of Her Emotionally

1. Manage your emotions about the pregnancy announcement. If you weren’t planning on getting pregnant, the announcement can be quite a shock. Don’t let this shock prevent you from showing excitement. If you show that you are displeased, your wife or girlfriend may feel isolated and alone as well as insecure.
   • For example, even if you feel overwhelmed, avoid making a face that shows disgust or irritation.
   • You can say things like, “I am overwhelmed, and a little scared, but I also want you to know that I love you and I am with you every step of the way."
2. Be patient with her mood swings. Pregnancy means that your wife or girlfriend is experiencing an influx of hormones that, if she has never been pregnant before, can be overwhelming to her. These hormones often cause mood swings. Be aware of them and try to minimize your reaction to any irritability or tears that seem out of character.
   • These increased hormones include estrogen, progesterone, oxytocin, prolactin, and endorphins.
3. Have compassion for her discomforts. Pregnancy is a time of great physical changes, also triggered by hormones such as increased estrogen and progesterone. These changes can be very uncomfortable, even painful sometimes, so when she complains about them, show that you care by not dismissing what she says.
   • She may complain of back aches, pelvic pain, sciatic nerve pain, and many more aches and pains.
   • Do what you can to ease these symptoms, such as offer back rubs and finding extra pillows.
4. Give her compliments. When a woman is pregnant, she gains weight, and sometimes not just around her abdomen. No matter how your wife or girlfriend’s physical changes manifest, she will feel much larger—and perhaps not as pretty—as she used to. Telling her that she is beautiful and that you love her can mean the world to her.
5. Allow her to vent. Be available to let your wife talk about what she is going through. This can not only create a safe place for her emotions after the baby is born, but it helps her feel close to you and confident that you are there for her and her child. Knowing that you are available to talk about her experience being pregnant can bring you closer together as a couple and help you both feel confident about becoming parents.
6. Change your habits. During pregnancy, women have to give up things that they used to enjoy, such as alcohol and caffeine. Show your support by giving up these things along with her. Doing so not only shows her that you support her, but it helps you develop compassion for what she is experiencing, bringing you closer together.
   • For example, if you both love coffee, your wife may have to reduce her intake. If you do this with her, you may both suffer caffeine withdrawals together.
   • Pregnant women should not consume alcohol and must limit caffeine, as well as thoroughly cook all fish (which means no sushi).

Getting Informed About Pregnancy

1. Go to birthing classes. You want to learn just as much, or more, about pregnancy and giving birth as your partner. Many hospitals offer birthing classes to new moms, and usually a partner is required for learning breathing techniques and birthing positions. You are needed as a partner for these learning exercises so that you will be prepared when your wife or girlfriend is in labor.
2. Read pregnancy books. Reading books about pregnancy shows your wife or girlfriend that you care about what she is going through. This helps her to feel confident and secure. These books can also give you tips on how to make the pregnancy more enjoyable for her.
   • You can find pregnancy books online and in book stores, as well as by checking them out from the library.
3. Learn the fastest route to the hospital. Most pregnancy books and articles recommend that you and your partner have a plan for getting to the hospital in place long before labor starts. This is so that if there is an emergency, you aren’t having to think of all the details and risk a car accident or having the baby before you get there.
   • Study road maps to find the shortest route.
   • Study alternate routes to find the fastest one in case there is traffic.

Tips

• Buy flowers, help paint the baby room, or take a trip. The fourth and fifth months of pregnancy are usually deemed safe to travel.
• Don't panic if she feels sick or in pain. Ask the doctor or midwife for advice, or listen in birthing class about what to do during emergency situations.

Warnings

• The pregnancy may end in a miscarriage. If this occurs, she will need your help to grieve the loss. Be available for her to cry on your shoulder and talk about it as needed. You may even consider seeing a therapist if she shows signs of depression (loss of interest, constant sadness and tearfulness, etc.).
  • Remind her that miscarriages usually only occur because the fetus isn’t developing normally, which is not her fault.
• Anyone who is pregnant should consult their doctor and/or do research before taking any medicines, dietary supplements, herbs, or alternative therapies.
  • Although multiple studies have shown ginger to be safe to be used for morning sickness during pregnancy, it's not completely understood whether or not it's safe for those who are pregnant. There is some debate on what effects ginger may have on an unborn baby, such as whether it can affect fetal sex hormones.
  • Ginger may possibly be unsafe if the person using it is taking medications that lower blood pressure or prevent blood clotting, or people with diabetes who take insulin or medication, as ginger lowers blood sugar. It is usually recommended that ginger not be used in high doses when pregnant. Ginger may not be healthy for pregnant people with a history of miscarriage, heart problems, clotting or bleeding disorders, vaginal bleeding, or who often feel dizzy when pregnant.

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Sources and Citations

See also

• Exercise Safely During Pregnancy
• Tell Your Grandparents You're Pregnant
• Tell the Position of a Baby in the Uterus
• Manage Pregnancy Food Aversions
• Plan a Postpartum Beauty Routine
• Find Out Your Baby's Sex
• Tell Coworkers You're Pregnant
• Determine How Many Weeks Pregnant You Are
• Treat Post Traumatic Stress Disorder During Pregnancy
• Make Your Water Break

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