Teach Kids Patience

Children do not automatically know how to be patient. Teaching patience is an ongoing task, but isn’t as hard as you may think. To teach your child patience, practice it every day, explain why they have to wait, teach them ways to occupy themselves, and model patient behavior.

Steps

Introducing and Practicing Being Patient

1. Acknowledge the child’s struggle. Let your child know that patience isn’t easy and that what they are doing is difficult. You can even help them learn how to verbalize this difficulty and their frustrated emotions. This can help them understand that waiting is hard for everyone, not just them.
   • For example, you might say, “I understand that it is difficult to wait. I know you feel frustrated. You are doing a good job being patient.”
2. Explain why the child has to wait. Your child may be impatient because they don’t understand there are things that go on outside of what they want right that moment. Telling them to “stop” or “be quiet” when you are in the middle of something may not teach them patience. However, explaining why they need to be patient for a few minutes can help teach them that sometimes they have to wait.
   • You can tell your child, “I cannot get you a juice box right now. I am in the middle of a conversation. Sometimes, people have to finish what they are doing before they can help you. Wait until I am finished, and I will help you.”
3. Provide praise for patient behavior. When your child is patient, let them know that they have done something good. This is just as important when your child is being patient without having to be told told. Praising them for waiting calmly helps reinforce the behavior.
   • For example, if your child draws calmly while waiting for food at a restaurant or while sitting in a waiting room, let them know you are proud of their patient behavior.
4. Let children practice patience every day. Children are not going to naturally be good at patience. They have to practice it and get used to not getting what they want when they want it. You can help teach them patience by letting them practice the skill every day.
   • Every day, try saying “Wait” to your child when they ask for something. You can make them wait a few minutes at first, but then make them wait longer or for more things throughout the day as they learn patience.
5. Use a timer. A timer may be a good way to teach your young child about patience. You can use a sand or number timer, which gives your child something to watch as they wait. It helps them learn that there is an end to their waiting, which helps them understand that it doesn’t last forever.
   • Timers can also help them feel in control of their patience and waiting. It helps them understand that when the timer is finished, they will have their request addressed.
6. Choose the right time to practice patience. Sometimes, it is not the right time to make your child wait. Hungry, tired, and cranky toddlers may not be able to be distracted or practice their waiting skills. Try not to practice patience skills around nap or meal times.
7. Be reasonable with your expectations for waiting. The amount of time your child can wait may vary based on their age. Older children will probably have an easier time waiting than younger ones. Don’t expect your child to sit through long movies patiently. However, you can expect them to wait a few minutes for you to finish a conversation or task.
   • Most children can reasonably wait for a few seconds or minutes. The more they practice this and get used to waiting, the longer they will be able to wait.

Teaching the Child to Occupy Themselves

1. Teach the child how to distract themselves. Children won’t just sit there and wait for something to happen. Instead, they need to learn how to engage themselves in other ways while they wait. They may distract themselves by playing, singing a song, or dancing in a mirror.
   • You can help reinforce this habit by saying to your child, “We have to wait to do that. Why don’t you sing this song or play with your toys for now?”
2. Try doing tasks together that require patience. You can also teach patience through hands on activities. By having your small child go through the process of creating something before they get the end result, you can help teach them patience and how to wait for the results.
   • For example, try buying toys that you and your child can put together, like Legos or model cars. Not being able to play with the toy until they have put it together can help teach patience.
   • Baking is another way to make patience into an activity. Bake a cake with your child and let them help measure and mix ingredients.
3. Play games. You can teach toddlers how to be patient by playing games with them. It’s hard for toddlers to be patient because of their age, so games can help distract them and teach them how to deal with waiting.
   • Play physical games with them, like having them march in place, sway like a tree in the wind, or play patty cake.
   • Play knowledge games by giving them categories and having them give examples from that category.
4. Avoid using technology. Some parents just give their children tablets or video games to keep them distracted. This doesn’t teach children how to entertain themselves without technology or learn how to focus. Teaching patience without technology can help a child learn skills to cope with waiting in life.

Teaching Patience with Your Responses

1. Delay responding to your child’s requests. Another way to teach patience is by not responding to questions and requests immediately. Just like when your child is whining, you can wait to do something for them or answer them. This helps your child understand that they may also have to wait when they’re not upset. It also helps them realize they are not the center of everything.
   • If your child comes into the room and asks you to come see something, calmly say, “I will be there in a few moments.”
   • If you are cooking dinner and your child asks for something, nicely explain that when you and others are busy, they have to wait. Try saying, “I am cooking dinner right now, which means I cannot do that for you. I will help you with that as soon as I am finished.”
2. Refer to the sequence of events instead of time. Small children don’t really understand the concept of time, so saying “ten minutes” may not help them understand how long they need to wait. You can use sequences to help them understand the process of waiting.
   • For example, instead of saying “dinner is in 10 minutes,” try saying, “dinner will be ready after the chicken is finished cooking.”
   • You can also say, “We will go to the store, then have lunch, and then you can play.” This gives the child a sequence of events so they know what they are waiting for.
3. Attend to your child’s request after the waiting period. Having the request met after waiting is important for teaching your child patience. You want to teach them that being patient has positive rewards. This reinforces positive behaviors with your attention and help as their reward. If they don’t get any reward for their patience, it will teach that patience doesn’t result in anything.
   • For example, if your child plays patiently until you get off the phone, make sure you go see them and find out what they needed while you were on the phone. If you told them you would get them a juice box after you finished dinner, make sure you follow through.
4. Avoid giving into your child’s whining. Many parents will do something for their child if they start whining or complaining. This reinforces instant results instead of patience. Instead, try to avoid dropping everything when your child whines, interrupts you, or says that they are bored.
   • For example, if your child interrupts you when you are on the phone, don’t get off the phone or stop your conversation. Instead say, “I am on the phone. Wait until I get finished.”
5. Model patience. Kids learn by watching others. If you are patient, then they will pick up on your habits. Try not to snap at your children when you are impatient. Listen to your child when they talk and don’t get impatient and start doing other things. That models negative behaviors.
   • Try to be patient with your child when they are in the middle of doing something. If you can, let them finish an activity before requiring them to do something else. For example, you may allow your child to finish coloring a page they are almost finished with before they get ready for bed.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Deal with a Lazy Child
• Teach Kids About Compound Interest
• Help Children Learn
• Teach Your Teen to Be a Good Employee
• Do Spring Cleaning with Kids
• Help Autistic Children with Echolalia
• Teach a Child to Carry Numbers
• Improve Children's Perceptual Reasoning
• Make a Faerie Garden with Your Child
• Teach a Baby to Crawl

Read more ...