Understand Men

If you want to understand men, the first thing you have to know is that men and women really are from the same planet. Though scientific research has shown some differences between men and women, there are plenty of myths that make it seem that men and women are far more different than they really are. If you want to have a better understanding of men, then you should take the differences and similarities between men and women into account while remembering that every man is still an individual with his own hopes and needs.

Steps

Understanding the Differences Between Men and Women

1. Realize that men tend to be more competitive. Research has shown that men are more likely than women to take jobs in which pay is dependent on outperforming their peers, and you probably know from personal experience that men tend to be more interested in sports (playing or watching). A lot of men act this way because they thrive on competition, and take satisfaction in having skills or traits that dominate others. If you're playing against him in a game, don't be surprised if his mood suddenly turns intense and merciless if he starts losing. Accept it with good humor and move on.
   • Encourage his competitive hobbies. You'll notice that a lot of stereotypical men's activities - such as gaming, watching or playing sports, and extreme sporting - are focused on some element of competition. Because succeeding in competition can be more important to men, support the activities that can bring your guy this sort of satisfaction in a relatively safe way.
2. Be aware that men are more visually-driven. Eyesight is one of the strongest senses, and processing all the things you may see takes up a large portion of day-to-day cerebral processing. Men, however, are even more apt than women to respond to visual cues. As a result, you might find that men prefer to view a map to understand directions over hearing the directions read, or they might insist that they need to see a problem in order to fix it. Try not to be annoyed at this tendency, and accept it as an inborn trait he may not know how to control.
   • Don't be too offended if he looks at other women. Being more attentive to visual stimulus means that a guy might be more inclined to look - or even stare - at attractive people. But don't get bent out of shape - just because he looks at a woman in a low-cut shirt doesn't mean he automatically wants to sleep with her. These small glances are generally harmless, and are more of a reflex than an indication of a doomed relationship.
3. Learn that men and women don't value the same parts of a conversation. Research indicates that this difference begins in childhood, when little girls form bonds by sharing secrets and discussing problems while boys bond over shared activities and interests . If you expect your boyfriend or husband to be like your best female conversation partner, only better, you might be surprised - men tend not to build strong relationships through conversation, and they switch topics more frequently than women do. In addition to this, men also don't make as much eye contact when they're talking to someone. Instead, their gazes wander to other objects in the immediate area as they talk.
   • Instead of punishing him for this difference and complaining that he never listens to you, choose your battles. If you really want to discuss an important topic with a man, frame it in a way that doesn't leave him guessing. Say, "It's important to me that we talk about this, and it would mean a lot to me if you could listen closely." If he cares about you, he'll make the extra effort to up his participation to your level.
   • Expect to hear a solution. Another side effect to the way men have conversations is that they tend to focus on how to fix a problem. If you just want a man to offer you comfort and reassurance instead of instructing you on what to do, tell him that at the beginning of the conversation. Remember that he's trying to help you find a solution because he cares, and that's what he thinks caring people do in a conversation, not because he wants to boss you around.
4. Understand that men can't always identify emotions as quickly as women can. Think of the old stereotype of a husband who has no idea what he's done to enrage his wife. It's possible that he's not just being deliberately clueless - he might genuinely have no idea why she's upset, or whether she's upset at all. Because women have more developed limbic systems, they're better at classifying and reading emotions, a skill that was useful when women were primarily in charge of maintaining social connections in ancient cultures. Men, on the other hand, lag behind women in studies of how the sexes identify and control emotions.
   • Don't expect him to read your mind. If you're upset at a man, tell him in a way that's as calm and reasonable as possible. Once he's aware of how you feel, he can take measures to remedy the problem. If you don't tell him, though, you can't necessarily count on him to pick up your cues.
   • Give him space. Because men aren't accustomed to discussing their personal problems at length with a buddy, you might find that they tend to process such problems on their own. If a man shuts down when you try to discuss his personal issues, back off gracefully and give him space to get over it. Most men will let you know if they want to talk about it.
5. Know that it's harder for men to be "just friends" with women. Studies show that men in seemingly platonic relationships with women are more likely to be attracted to their female friends, and also more likely to have the misguided belief that the women harbor sexual feelings for them. Though women have also shown signs of having sexual feelings for their male friends, they are more likely to back off when they know the men are in relationships; men are less deterred when their female friends have boyfriends and still show signs of wanting to pursue them.
   • This doesn't mean, however, that every male friend you have really has a crush on you, deep down.
6. Understand that men and women can operate differently in the workplace. Though men and women may be completing the same task or inhabiting the same office, men and women take a different approach to getting work done. Men tend to be more focused on completing a specific task while women are more focused about the process used to get the job done; women tend to ask more questions while men have a harder time listening. Both sexes, however, do feel that the oppose sex is not as sensitive to their needs in the workplace.
   • Men and women tend to react differently in the workplace in terms of stress, too. While women may openly express concern about a failed project, men may retreat and seek solitude in the face of failure.
   • Women and men also seek appreciation differently. Women are happier when they are complimented on a group task, while men like to be singled out.

Avoiding Stereotypes

1. Don't think that all men want to sleep with all women. Though you may be convinced that your boyfriend, male friend, or male co-worker would want to sleep with every woman on the planet in an ideal world, that is not the case. Though men may look at the women around them and can have wandering eyes, they are still selective when the time comes to actually sleep with someone.
   • If you're convinced that your boyfriend really wants to sleep with all women, then why are you together? If this is really a problem in your relationship because of who he is, then it's one thing, but if it's because you think it's because he's a man, then you have to rethink your ideas.
   • Sure, you may have the occasional sleazy male friend. But remember that men may want to brag about how many women they like to sleep with to look tough; that doesn't mean they are interested in following through.
2. Don't think that men really hate chick flicks and "girly" dates. You may think that your boyfriend hates it when it's your turn to pick the location and event for date night, but that's not actually true. Sure, your boyfriend may moan and groan when you make him watch Love Actually for the tenth time, but the truth is, he likes doing what you want to do because, well, it's what makes you happy.
   • Remind yourself that if your boyfriend really didn't want to do something, he just wouldn't do it. And the same goes for you.
3. Don't think that men are completely insensitive. Think of Tony Soprano: a tough guy on the outside and a big, soft, sensitive bear on the inside. It's true that women may like to be more open with their feelings and to talk more, but that doesn't mean that men aren't sensitive, don't have the ability to get hurt, and don't know how to sympathize or empathize. Men may be more resistant to showing emotion, but that doesn't mean that they don't have feelings that are just as big as yours.
   • Men are not cavemen who are only obsessed with the basic necessities: food, sex, and sleep. Get this thought out of your mind.
4. Don't think that men are always thinking about sex. Sure, men may be more likely to think often about sex than women, especially if they're teenagers, but that doesn't mean that they only have one thing on their minds at all times. Just like anyone else, men spend time thinking about their friends, family, hopes and dreams, and career prospects. If a hot woman in heels walks by, then sure, they may be momentarily distracted, but that doesn't mean that the inside of his mind looks like the XXX section of your local video store.
5. Don't think that men only care about looks. When it comes to looks, men and women can both be superficial. You may think that men only care about what a girl's body looks like, adding bonus points if she actually has a nice face, but that is not the case when men get serious about a girl. Don't think that all you have to do to impress a man is to hit the gym, put on the eyeliner, and wear tight pants. You have to impress him with your charm, your brains, and your ability to have a good conversation.
   • Sure, some men are more obsessed with looks than they should be. But you can say the same for women.
6. Don't think that men are much more likely to be unfaithful than women. You may think that men are known for being cheaters; and who can forget the Tiger Woods scandal? However, both men and women are capable of cheating, even if women tend to look for more of an emotional connection while men look for the physical connection. Don't think that your guy is likely to cheat on you just because he's a guy; if he does, it's because he's looking for a connection outside the relationship.
   • That doesn't mean that there aren't some real scumbags out there. But women could be scumbags, too.
7. Don't think that men don't like to commit. You may think that any man you meet is terrified of commitment and wants to run for the hills as soon as you say the phrase, "I think you should meet my parents." In reality, men are just as likely to commit as women. You're just thinking of the 20% of men who are true commitment-phobes. Just remember that there are plenty of women who are equally afraid of getting serious with someone.
   • If your current love interest is afraid to commit to you, then don't tell yourself it's just because he's "a typical man." There are lots of other reasons for why a man may not want to commit, such as a lack of experience or the pain he suffered in a past relationship.
8. Don't think that men are intimidated by strong women. Sure, men might be intimidated by strong women -- if you're Michelle Obama or Oprah Winfrey. But in general, men are actually attracted to assertive women who know what they want and are comfortable with going after it. Don't try to act girly, clueless, or giggly just to impress a guy. If you want a man to take you seriously, then you have to show him your full potential.
   • Being strong means being confident. And everyone is attracted to confidence.

Gaining a Deeper Understanding of Men

1. Understand-the-Male-Ego. If you want to understand men on an even deeper level, then you should try to understand the male ego.
2. Give-Your-Boyfriend-Space. Mastering this process could improve your relationship in the long run.
3. Understand-Guys-Who-Want-Long-Term-Relationships. This can help you understand the thought process of a man who is in it for the long haul.
4. Help-a-Depressed-Boyfriend. This is a challenging aspect of understanding men.
5. Make-Your-Boyfriend-Love-You-More. If you have a better sense of how to improve your relationship with your boyfriend, you'll have a better understanding of men.

Tips

• Remember, the information in this article is based on generalizations. It might be that not all of it applies to the men you know.
• If your boyfriend is depressed, offer him a hug to comfort him. It will soothe him.
• If he does not talk to you for over 2-3 weeks, then ask him why he is not talking. Don't ask him after just one hour. Give him time.
• Men are not mind-readers. They won't get exactly what's on your mind unless you actually say it. Try to give your man some more clues and make more gestures about what you want him to do for you.

Related Articles

• Understand the Male Ego

Sources and Citations

See also

• Have an Exclusive, Long Term, Mature, Serious (and Healthy) Relationship
• Maintain Old Friendships
• Bond With Loved Ones
• Stop Self Doubt from Ruining a Relationship
• Build and Maintain Strong Relationships
• Be More Involved in Your Adult Child's Life
• Deal With a Non Committed Relationship
• Show Empathy
• Make a Platonic Relationship Work
• Improve Your Relationships

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