Understand Teen Boys

Boys go through a number of changes during their teenage years, which can make them behave in unusual ways. Whether you're a parent or a teen yourself, you may want to better understand teenage boys. Educate yourself about the changes boys are going through and try to be understanding. You can manage conflict through open conversation and asserting yourself and setting boundaries as needed.

Steps

Understanding Teen Boys as a Parent

  1. Put yourself in your teen's shoes. It can be easy to become frustrated with your teenager, especially if they are acting out or otherwise rebelling. Remember, teens are very insecure and self conscious. They are also striving to carve out an identity, which may explain bouts of rebellion or occasionally being difficult. On top of all that, your teen's brain is still developing, and he doesn't yet have an adult-sized capacity for things like impulse control and decision-making. If you're having trouble understanding your teen boy, pause and put yourself in his shoes. Try to remember your own teenage years.[1]
    • For example, if your teenager suddenly wants to stop an activity he once enjoyed, put yourself in his shoes. Maybe your teen was forced to play hockey during middle school. He may want to feel like more of an individual now that he's getting older and try something different. Think about times when you tried to explore or define your identity as a teen.
  2. Do research about teenagers. It's important to understand the changes your teen is going through as a parent. One of the best things you can do to understand teenage boys is to educate yourself about your teen.[1]
    • Read about teenagers. You can find reading online detailing the hormonal and mood changes teenagers undergo. This will refresh you on the changes people undergo during their teenage years.
    • In addition to reading books about the physical changes your teen will undergo, read young adult books targeted at teenage boys. Fiction books can help you remember the emotions teenagers undergo.
    • Keep in mind that this research may not describe your teen exactly. It's important to get to know your teenage boy, not just the boys described in literature. Take an interest in the things your teen is passionate about to connect and get to know him better.
  3. Allow your teenager some privacy. While it's important to know what your teen is doing and who he is with, remember teenage years are part of the transition into adulthood. It's important your teen feels he has some privacy in your home, so be respectful of his need for space and occasional alone time.[1]
    • There are some things you should know about your teen. It's reasonable to want to know where he's going and who he's with at all times. However, you should grant him some forms of privacy.
    • Understand teenage years are about identity. Your teen may feel he needs a certain amount of privacy to establish his identity. Things like text messages and phone calls should be private. You should also understand you will probably not know every detail of your teen's social life.
    • It may be a good idea to change some rules as your teenager ages. You can lessen up restrictions on things like time spent on the phone and computer, as these technologies are often how teens socialize and form an identity. Keep an open dialogue going about rules and expectations and allow your teen some say in his life. If your teen continually demonstrates he is unreliable, however, you may need to keep stricter rules in place for longer.
    • However, if your teenager violates your trust or demonstrates serious irresponsibility, you may need to take away their phone or remove other privileges. Your teen should understand that trust is earned, and that with your trust comes more privacy.
  4. Make sure your teen does not engage in reckless behavior. The teenage brain is not fully developed. As a parent, it's vital you understand teenage boys often have a limited understanding of consequences. This can result in engaging in risky behavior, so be sure to be vigilant. You should make sure your teen is not taking major risks, such as using drugs or alcohol.[2]
    • The teenager's developing brain does not give them a free pass for reckless behavior. While it is important to keep this fact in mind, do not give him a pass on misbehaving because he doesn't know any better. Consequences are how he learns to make good choices.
    • You are still the parent, so you should still have expectations and boundaries. Things like bed times and curfews should still be enforced during your son's teenage years and you should also know where he is at all times.[3]
  5. Be prepared for the effects of hormones. Teenagers undergo a lot of hormonal changes. This can lead to things like mood swings. Try to be patient if your teen seems aggravated or is easily angered. You should make sure your teen faces consequences for inappropriate or rude behavior, but try to be understanding. It will take a few years for your teen to adjust to hormonal changes.[4]
    • Have patience. Many parents feel the teenage years will never end, but your son should eventually grow out of mood swings and anger problems caused by puberty.
    • Once your teen has calmed down, you can have a discussion about his behavior. Try not to lecture — instead, focus on what he can do differently in the future. For instance, if he screamed something rude at you in a moment of anger, discuss how next time he can stop and take a couple of deep breaths before responding.
  6. Expect that he will start to think about sex. Odds are, your son will start thinking about sex during his teenage years and may even explore pornography. Recent research says the majority of adolescent males explore pornography websites.[5] While this is a normal part of growing up, it's important you talk to your son about sex and porn.
    • Talk to your son frequently about sex and sexuality and allow him to come to you with questions. It's important you present the facts. For example, it may be a good idea to explain to your son the differences between sex in pornography and sex in real life.[6] If he is extremely uncomfortable discussing the subject with you, try to find a trusted third party, like an uncle, to help.
    • Do not panic if your teen asks about sex. Asking about sex does not necessarily indicate your teenager is having sex, or even considering doing so. They may be curious, which is normal. Provide information about safe sex, such as condoms, STDs, and birth control. You can find age-appropriate reading material at a local library for your teen to browse. Remember that educating your child about safe sex does not make it more likely they will become sexually active.[7]
    • Leave any conversation you have about sex open ended. Say something to your teen like, "If you have any questions, it's always okay to come to me with them."

Understanding Teen Boys as a Teenage Girl

  1. Familiarize yourself with the changes teenage boys undergo. Just as you're going through changes as a teenager, boys in your grade are also experiencing changes. Try to familiarize yourself with changes boys undergo. You can ask your health teacher where to find reading information or ask your parents. If you have a slightly older male relative you trust, such as a male cousin who is in college, they may be willing to talk to you about changes boys undergo during puberty.[8]
    • You may notice some physical changes in the boys in your class. Their voices may get deeper and they may begin to grow hair on their faces and underarms.
    • Like you, boys will also undergo sexual changes. They will start to release testosterone and begin to experience erections. Be understanding that boys may be embarrassed of sexual changes, just like you may be initially embarrassed of your period.
  2. Remember teenage boys are insecure. While puberty is a normal part of growing up, it is normal to have some insecurity about puberty. Teenage boys in your grade may be embarrassed by physical and other changes they're undergoing, so be understanding of this.[9]
    • Boys often undergo changes in puberty that can be awkward or embarrassing. Teenage boys may experience erections without cause, for example, and their voices may squeak when they talk.
    • While it can be tempting to tease boys in your grade about puberty, be understanding. You are also undergoing changes and would not want to be teased. Refrain from teasing the boys in your grade about common issues associated with puberty.
  3. Look for common ground. While you may feel your experiences couldn't be more different than the experiences of teenage boys, there is actually a lot of common ground. You can better understand teenage boys if you identify areas where you're going through similar changes.[9]
    • Like you, boys are beginning to grow hair on the underarms and pubic region.
    • Boys also experience mood swings and feelings of anger and frustration due to changing hormones. Hormones can also cause quick changes in energy levels.
    • You may notice people respond to you differently as you grow. People see you more as an adult and may treat you differently. This happens to boys during puberty as well.
  4. Accept he may act differently around his friends. Boys sometimes treat you differently around their friends. Teenage boys are often embarrassed to be interested in girls for the first time. He may act standoffish towards you because he feels insecure. He may also want to make it clear to his friends they are his priority. Try to be understanding of this. If you are dating a teenage boy, allow him to have some friend time.[10]
    • However, you should not put up with disrespect. If a teenage boy is downright mean to you in front of his friends, you should tell him you will not accept that kind of treatment. Say something like, "I understand you want to act cool around your friends, but it isn't okay for you to make fun of me."
  5. Learn to make casual conversation. Often, the best way to understand someone is simply to talk to them. While talking to boys can be scary, it is often helpful to understanding them better. Learn to be brave and engage teenage boys in conversation.[11]
    • Ask specific questions. Ask about things like hobbies, family, and his favorite subjects in school. For example, "Are you close to your siblings?"
    • If you're unsure how to strike up a conversation, make an observation based on something around you or something that's recently happened. For example, "What did you think of yesterday's assembly?"

Managing Differences and Conflicts

  1. Find the right times to talk. If you need to communicate with your teenager, look for the right time. Pay attention to when your teen seems relaxed and receptive. Make a habit of talking regularly during those times to keep communication in your home open.[12]
    • It may take some trial and error to figure out when your teen is most talkative. Your teen may be more quiet when you pick him up from soccer practice, but get chattier after dinner. You could try engaging him in conversation then.
  2. Ask open-ended questions. Whether you're a parent or a teen yourself, remember teenage boys may be private about certain things. They may also be sensitive about some topics. Instead of asking questions directly, learn to ask open-ended questions. This will allow a teenage boy to share information at his own discretion.[12]
    • For example, do not ask, "Are you excited about the school dance?" Instead, ask something like, "How are you feeling about the dance? Do you think you feel comfortable going?"
    • If your questions are met with short responses, then this may not be a subject your teenager wishes to discuss. Try to determine what your teenager does enjoy talking about. Try talking about his hobbies and interests.
  3. Assert yourself when necessary. If you are a teenage girl, it's important you stand up for yourself when necessary. If a teenage boy is frequently teasing you to the point you feel uncomfortable, it is within your right to let him know his behavior is not acceptable.[13]
    • It is okay to express your emotions to boys. If a boy is making you feel uncomfortable, say so clearly. You may worry about a boy liking you, but you should not strive to be liked at the expense of your feelings.
    • Say something if a boy is bothering you, such as, "I don't like it when you comment on my body. It makes me feel uncomfortable." If teasing does not stop, you can ask an adult, such as a teacher, for help.
  4. Seek professional help in some cases. Teenagers may suffer from things like depression, anxiety, and other emotional issues. While a certain amount of mood swings are normal, if a teenager seems very unhappy or angry, you should seek the help of a therapist.[4] Warning signs of a mental health issue include:[14]
    • Difficulty concentrating
    • A sudden drop in grades
    • Weight loss or gain
    • Lack of motivation
    • Difficulty sleeping
    • Fatigue

Tips

  • Every teen is different. Each person matures at a different rate. Listen to your gut when it comes to issues.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/adolescence.html#
  2. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/news/2014/08/29/understanding-the-brain-of-teenage-boys/74259.html
  3. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/adolescence.html
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 https://www.helpguide.org/articles/teen-issues/helping-troubled-teens.htm
  5. ↑ http://www.lifamilies.com/article/being-able-to-understand-your-teenage-son-1228.html
  6. ↑ http://www.pamf.org/parenting-teens/sexuality/talking-about-sex/sex-talk.html
  7. ↑ http://www.siecus.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=Feature.showFeature&featureID=1041
  8. ↑ http://yourselfseries.com/teens/topic/reproduction/puberty-the-gender-differences/
  9. ↑ 9.0 9.1 http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetailsKids.aspx?p=335&np=289&id=1774
  10. ↑ http://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/advice/a11250/why-do-guys-advice/
  11. ↑ http://www.debrafine.com/articles/teenage-chit-chat-small-talk-skills/
  12. ↑ 12.0 12.1 http://www.cnn.com/2014/02/19/living/talking-to-teens-communication-parents/
  13. ↑ http://mashable.com/2015/12/18/things-to-teach-your-daughter/#vS2Jp1AJDsqn
  14. ↑ https://familydoctor.org/understanding-your-teens-emotional-health/
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