Wait Patiently

Everyone has to wait in queues, for deliveries, for exam results and for all sorts of other things. Feeling impatient is a perfectly normal response to a situation, but you shouldn’t allow that impatience to escalate to anxiety and stress. Learning to be wait patiently will help you deal with everyday life and be more comfortable taking long and unexpected waits in your stride.

Steps

Helping the Time Pass

  1. Occupy your time. One of the best ways to avoid become anxious during a long wait, is to do something else at the same time to occupy you. One of the most frustrating aspects of waiting can be the sense that you are losing valuable time, so you can tackle this by filling this time with another activity to help the time pass more quickly.[1] This won’t always be practical, depending on the situation, but here are some examples to keep in mind:
    • If you are being kept on-hold on the phone, use the time to answer some emails.
    • If you are waiting for an appointment, read a book or newspaper, or play a game on your phone.
    • If you are stuck in traffic, don’t sit there and stew, put on some music or a language tape and try to make the most of it.[2]
  2. Don’t try too hard. Finding ways to distract yourself is a tried and tested way of keeping impatience at bay and helping time pass. Research has suggested, however, that this technique can backfire if you are trying very hard to consciously distract yourself from the wait. Trying to force yourself not to feel anxious can prompt even greater anxiety.[3]
    • Accept that you will have to wait and there is nothing you can do about it.
    • Take a minute to relax before you find something that will occupy you for a while.
  3. Wait with other people. There is evidence which suggests that waiting for something with other people can help the time pass quicker. For this to work, it’s important that the people are engaging with each other, talking about what they are waiting for and sharing their excitement in a positive way. For example, a group of fans waiting to get a newly released video game might have a fun time in the queue together.[4]
    • Being stuck in a long silent queue will not work in the same way.
    • Equally, being stuck in a waiting room with people being angry and impatient will not make the time go faster.
    • Look for a more positive engagement with other people.
  4. Break up a long wait. If you have a very long wait for something, it can help to break it up into smaller chunks. Identifying short term goals and focussing on achieving these rather than the final end goal can help you to avoid becoming impatient. Setting small goals that you can achieve can help you to feel like you are taking control of your life, while also distracting you from the long wait that you cannot do anything to shorten.[5]
    • For example, if you are growing impatient to find out whether or not you have been accepted to your first choice college you can give yourself small goals to reach each week in the meantime.
    • This could be anything from learning twenty new words in a foreign language, to mastering a new card trick.

Learning to Be Patient

  1. Recognise when you are being impatient. We all feel impatient and can get stressed out and anxious waiting for something to happen. The first step to learning to wait patiently is understanding when impatience has arisen, and where that feeling is coming from. Although you may be waiting for something to arrive, or happen, it is your response to that situation that results in the stress of waiting.
    • For example, if you were stuck in a traffic jam you would probably get annoyed at the situation or maybe the other cars for holding you up.
    • It is, however, your response to this situation which determines whether you wait patiently or impatiently.
    • People often get impatient when they perceive the environment as not conforming to their expectations.
    • Recognising that expectations are only expectations and are often not totally realistic can help you to identify impatience.[6]
  2. Accept inevitable waits. Waiting can be frustrating because you feel you have lost control over something. The fact is that you cannot control your environment and there will inevitably be times when you have to wait for extended periods. Accepting this can help you to feel more free and calm.
    • Acknowledging that you cannot clear an accident that has caused a traffic jam is much better than getting annoyed and frustrated about something you have no influence on.[7]
  3. Think positively. Often anxiety about waiting is connected to the feeling that the wait will be followed by bad news or a negative outcome, which can make it harder to wait patiently. Research suggests that those people who have a more positive outlook, and are generally more optimistic about the outcome of what they are waiting for, will find waiting patiently easier.
    • Try to foster a more optimistic outlook, and learn to feel more comfortable with uncertainty.
    • If you are anticipating bad news, try to find a positive in it in advance. This could be preparing for failure and thinking of an alternative way forward.
    • For example, if you are waiting for an exam result, thinking positively about what you could do if you don’t get the grades can help you wait more patiently.[3]
  4. Try some deep breathing. If you’re stuck with a long wait, and have accepted that there is nothing you can really do about it, practicing some relaxation techniques might help you to avoid becoming stressed and impatient. A simple relaxation technique that you can do anywhere and at any time is deep breathing.
    • Take deep deliberate breaths, inhaling for three or four seconds.
    • Fill your lungs and hold the air in for a few seconds before slowly breathing out for another three or four seconds.
    • You could also combine your deep breathing with a mantra, such as “I am breathing out stress, and breathing in relaxation.”[7]
  5. Think of patience as compassion. Becoming impatient about something in your life is entirely normal and happens to all of us all. You will feel the stress of impatience in both your mind and body. Try to recognise that if you become particularly anxious and upset when you are waiting for something, this impatience is a stress response to the situation. Learning to be more patience is a way of being more compassionate to yourself.
    • By being patient and limiting the stress response you are actively taking care of yourself.
    • You will suffer when impatient, so learning to be more relaxed will help you feel better about yourself and the situation.[6]
    • Learning to be patient will also help you feel more compassion towards others who get frustrated when things don’t conform to their expectations.[8]

Acknowledging What Makes You Impatient

  1. Recognise that uncertain waits make you more impatient. To really learn to wait patiently and avoid becoming anxious when you are waiting for something, it’s helpful to think about the different waiting times we experience. It is generally thought that an uncertain wait prompts more anxiety than one you have a clearer timetable for.
    • Uncertain waits can feel longer than if you know how long you will have to wait for.
    • For example, if you are told you will be seen in 30 minutes, it can be easier than if you are just told you will be seen soon.[9]
    • If you're facing an uncertain wait, try to find out a clearer timetable so you have a better idea of how long you'll have to wait.
    • If you can't get any extra information, try to relax or occupy yourself and accept that there is nothing to do but wait.
  2. Know that unexpected waits prompt impatience. Sometimes you will expect to be able to see your doctor at a set time and you arrive only to find out that there has been a problem and you will now have a lengthy wait. This situation can prompt heightened impatient because it was unexpected and it contradicts what you understood would happen.
    • If you find yourself in a similar situation, recognise it and try to relax and shrug it off.
    • Consider finding out the reason for the wait, perhaps somebody is unexpectedly off sick, or has been held up in traffic.
    • This may help you to understand that there is nothing you can do to change it and then wait more patiently.[1]
  3. Realise that getting anxious will only make things worse. Everyone gets impatient, but it’s important to understand that getting frustrated and restless will only increase your impatience. Try to relax as much as possible and take things in your stride. If you are queuing at the supermarket and you are anxious because your line is moving slowly as all the others go quickly, your wait will likely seem longer than it actually is.[1]
    • Treating these situations more lightly, and trying to maintain a good sense of humour about all the waiting around you have to do, can help you wait more patiently and happily.[6]

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/04/27/8-reasons-why-waiting-in-line-drives-us-crazy/
  2. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/03/19/waiting-a-tough-skill-to-master/
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 http://time.com/3619146/wait-more-patiently/
  4. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/10/19/the-psychology-of-waiting-in-lines-8-reasons-that-the-wait-seems-long/
  5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cravings/201411/have-patience?collection=164821
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 6.2 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/turning-straw-gold/201305/impatient-why-and-how-practice-patience
  7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2015/03/24/5-tips-for-being-more-patient-in-all-areas-of-your-life/
  8. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2015/11/24/patience-required/
  9. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/12/21/8-reasons-why-waiting-in-line-is-a-drag/
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