Write Open Ended Questions
Don't you hate getting into a situation, where a person or persons can make you feel nervous but you're obligated to keep a conversation? Generally an open ended question can help get them to talk more than you, so it's great to come prepared with some idea of how to do that. Alone you might be the king or queen of doing that! On the other hand if you get nervous it can cause you to draw a blank which is why it's good to practice on paper.
Steps
- Think on a deep level (get to a place where you can completely focus on something, then focus on this). Ask your self "What's an open ended question?# You will find an open ended question is the opposite of a closed ended question, meaning a question someone can't answer yes or no only to. Seriously ingrain it into your mind so you never have to ever ask that again! Understanding is the key.
- Start by planning your day or week (what ever is easiest for you) then, pick out each situation you might get into where you need to ask these questions. Making it personal will help you learn it on a deeper level.
- Take the easiest situations and write out a short script of how a conversation would typically go (with all the positive and negative parts). All the good and the bad.
- After you've scripted out a short or long conversation (again, what ever is easier), rewrite it so you can fit in some OPEN ENDED QUESTIONS! It's best to replace some response with one or two, because that will keep some balance to the equation. Too much info can overwhelm anyone so know them before you try to test your new "script". Even if it's just writing it out, when you're successful at implementing an open ended question on paper, you might internalize that success and actually do that when you have a conversation with them.
- Practice using open ended questions. The more you script it out, the easier it will be to practice. If you say the wrong thing or accidentally use a closed ended question and sabotage your self out of habit, just take note of it. Then when you try again to plan it ahead of time you can remember "well Susie has the best smile so I need to remember to use bigger words to distract me from that". Or "the boss is so smart, I know if I get too close to him I need to use words that distract me from him or else I will stutter for sure". Some pit falls can be totally avoided if you pay attention, note them, keep trying and be persistent. Until you can overcome the pitfalls and or use open ended questions automatically.
- Apply your trial and error on the many situations that matter just a little until you have it as a habit. Then when you have done it enough to the point you can do it easily, apply this new knowledge on paper with essays or say in the toast masters (where you can get some really good training). The more practice the easier the task.
Tips
- Scientists at UCLA have discovered years ago that it takes 3 months to learn something (aka create a dendrite in the brain) and 3 years to make it a permanent habit. Don't get mad if it takes you a few times to get it right. That means it might at the most take you 1,100 times to make ANYTHING a permanent habit. Most of the time, you don't need to try that hard. You reap what you sow, so keep trying and it will become easy.
- Try it in every situation!
- When writing out your questions, use many types of writing tools. The more you can switch up your repetition will cut down on monotony.
- Immersion is the secret to flowing.
Warnings
- If you practice hard and then get a huge negative response from someone, it could actually cause you to associate asking questions with you not being able to do it right. You need to recognize that was because of a few things. 1)You got angry which might have turned into sadness (especially if you were asking someone out or something)
- 3)Because you internalized it, you will have a much easier time associating it! Change the associations by facing what you doubt or worry. Then continue practicing and you should be back to normal.
- 2)You internalized the anger instead of getting it out some other way.
Things You'll Need
- Time away to focus.
- Acknowledging the fact ahead of time that you will have to write.
- A good night's sleep. and a bedtime story.
