Ask Someone out if They've Already Rejected You

If you really like someone but were rejected by them, it can be discouraging to continue pursuing the relationship. Sometimes, though, it just takes time and familiarity and your crush may start to be interested in you too. Don't just give up right away -- give it some time and then work up the courage to ask out that special someone for a second time.

Steps

Learning Where You Stand

1. Figure out why she rejected you. This can be difficult because you don't want to seem desperate or overly hurt, but if your crush didn't give you a good answer why she didn't want to go out with you, it could be good to meet up with her and ask her a few questions to gain some insight as to what she is thinking.
   • If she very bluntly stated why she didn't want to go out with you like "I'm not interested in you for this reason" or "I'm going through something difficult and don't need the stress of dating," then you don't want to irritate her by asking her for more explanation.
   • People are often caught off guard when asked out, and so a lot of times they come up with an answer on the spot that may not be the complete truth. Calmly approach your crush and ask her if she wouldn't mind grabbing coffee (not as a date) because you wanted to talk through some things with her. Then, when you are together ask her if there was a specific reason she didn't want to go out with you or if your approach was what turned her off. Do not then proceed to ask her out again, but thank her for giving you some insight and be understanding.
2. Think over your current relationship. Sometimes it's the essence of the relationship that is what caused the rejection. Are you asking out your best friend and she is worried that it will ruin the relationship? Have there been conflicts recently that have left your crush confused or irritated with you? Thinking through your relationship can be helpful to know if it was part of the reason you were rejected.
   • If you asked out someone you met once at a party or on a night out this doesn't necessarily apply to you, but if you asked out a good friend it's possible that she doesn't want to ruin your relationship or there's something else going on in her life that's keeping her from jumping into something new. It's also possible that at this point she just isn't attracted to you, which in that case it just takes time and patience before you can ask her out again.
3. Examine your approach. Did you just ask someone out that you didn't know in a very demeaning manner, were you confident or really nervous in your approach, or did you catch your friend off guard and she didn't know how to respond? If you have asked other people out, think about the approaches that were successful and those that weren't and think about how you came across to your crush.
4. Respect her answer. If you asked a girl out and were rejected, don't insist on taking her on a date. It can seem desperate and be incredibly annoying to your crush if you persist when she's already told you no. Once you have figured out why she rejected you, respect her answer and don't ask her out again right away.
5. Be patient. As previously stated, you want to respect the person you asked out by giving her time. Sometimes people need to process and think over things and over time they may realize that they are interested in you. Giving your crush space to think over her feelings towards you could lead to a much more positive answer later on.

Pursuing Your Crush Again

1. Act like you were not phased. One of the biggest ways to show you were hurt by rejection is by acting weird or awkward around your crush or stepping completely out of his life. Now, you don't want to over assert yourself into his life, but it's helpful to act casual around him and not show any pain. If you step out of his life completely and become distant you'll lose an opportunity to ask him out later on.
   • In some cases people do need space and after they learn that you are interested in them, they feel awkward and don't want to be around you all the time. Feel out the situation to see if it's best if you step back for a while or if you should be as present as you were before. It is important, though, that you don't show your crush you were incredibly hurt or that the rejection made you insecure. Most people don't find insecurity attractive, so continue to act confident.
2. Become friendly with your crush again. After you have given your crush some time to think over things, it's time to get back into his life. You may have decided to act like things are normal or maybe you gave him some space, but before you plan to ask him out again you want to develop a relationship with him.
   • If you weren't friends before then becoming friends may be the key to gaining a date with your crush. It's possible that he didn't feel comfortable going out with someone he didn't know, so helping him get to know you could better your chances when you ask him out again.
   • If you were friends before, you don't want to just go right back to where you were before in the friend zone. That may lead your crush to think that you have accepted there is no future between the two of you, and your crush may stop considering the possibility that you still like him. It's best to develop a friendship again but to show that you are interested in other things too, then he won't feel awkward around you.
3. Clean yourself up. This isn't a shoo-in, but it always helps someone say yes to a date if they find you attractive. Consider going to a gym or trying out a different hairstyle to pique your crush's interest. It's also important that you have proper hygiene -- people don't usually want to go out with someone who doesn't take care of their body!
4. Flirt with him and with others. It could be helpful to occasionally flirt with your crush, to show him that you are playfully considering him. You don't want to only flirt with him or flirt with him frequently, though. Make it clear that your options are open and that you are considering other people. Sometimes all it takes is jealousy to make your crush realize he is interested in you.
   • Don't turn all your attention on someone else if you want your crush to know you are still interested in him. This may lead him to feel confused or believe that you have moved on completely.
5. Pay attention to his behavior around you. Before you ask him out again, you'll want to see if anything has changed in the way he is interacting with you. If he is acting somewhat playful or is suddenly interested in your other romantic interests, it could be a sign that he is beginning to see you as more than a friend.
6. Use a different approach. Now that you've had time to better your relationship and pique your crush's interest, you're probably ready to ask him out. However, it could be good to change up your approach from the last time to better your chances. Be confident and ask him in the way you think would receive the best answer.
   • Be cool when you ask your crush out again -- don't seem desperate or like all you have been thinking about is asking him out again. Play it up like you'd love to treat him to lunch or coffee (or whatever it is you want to do) and make it seem somewhat casual. Or maybe do something fun like going to a concert, something that could also be done with a friend.Your crush may be more willing to go on a date like this if he feels you aren't trying to jump into something serious.
   • If you did all this and were turned down again, it unfortunately may be a sign that you need to move on. A guy or girl may reject you once without really thinking about it, but if he or she rejects you a second time it means he or she had some time to think about it and still aren't interested. Respect his or her decision and understand that it obviously wasn't meant to be.

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Sources and Citations

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• Get a Girlfriend in Middle School
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• Get a Girl to Like You in Middle School
• Make a Girl Attracted to You
• Get a Girl to Fall in Love with You
• Get a Girl to Like You when She Likes Someone Else
• Get a Tough Girl to Like You
• Get a Girl to Like You in Fifth Grade
• Get a Girl You Like to Like You Back

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