Avoid Uncomfortable Conversations About Religion

There is a time and place for everything under the sun, including discussions about religion. Whether you are religious or not, if someone is trying to draw you into a conversation, or perhaps an argument, regarding religion or morality but the timing and situation is awkward and uncomfortable, this article will help you find a way to avoid a heated debate as politely as possible.

Steps

  1. Resist the urge to argue. It's difficult to overlook a statement that seems completely ignorant and ungrounded, and you'll likely have the urge to correct the person. Instead, smile and say "Interesting."
  2. Meet it head on with honesty. Be true to yourself and your own feelings. Say "I'm not comfortable talking about that and I'm just not willing to have this conversation."
  3. Ask them why they brought it up.
    • If the reply is a "just cuz", "I don't know", "because I felt like it", or a "why not?" kind of response you can respond like "That's not really an adequate reason for me to talk about/share my religious views" or in another similar way.
    • If they respond along the lines of "I want to know you better", "I'm just curious", or something else that is a type of learn-about-you response, you can either go ahead honestly or politely decline.
    • If they give a rather specific response or one that's a little strange, you would have to conform one of the other steps that is the closest matching to the response/situation because there are too many possibilities to list for this case.
  4. Redirect the conversation.
    • Ask about their Celebrate World Children's Day, Family Friends and Dating, health, or job.
    • Make an absurd joke to deflect the seriousness of the situation. For example, try: "Religion? No, I haven't seen that movie." Or: "Religion?! What . . . do you get that at, like, Walmart or Starbucks or something?" Or: "No thanks. I haven't been able to talk about religion since the last time the Cubs won the Host a Baseball World Series Party."
    • Dead pan, "I am sorry. I have a firm rule to not discuss politics or religion with anyone I've not seen naked." That usually ends the discussion rather abruptly, and on a light-hearted note.
    • For people who are insistent on discussing religion, however, they're likely to return to that topic quickly, so keep the conversation flowing at the level of small talk until you can do something else.
      • Respond firmly. If you feel trapped in the situation, and the person responds with something like "You should want to share your faith with others," firmly decline by explaining that you respect their sincere desire to know, but that you must be true to your own belief that you do not share information about your religious choices.
  5. Suggest a better time. If you would like to discuss religion at a better time and location, invite the person to meet you. This will allow you to control the environment, length of discussion, involved parties and other factors. Simply saying "This is definitely something I'd love to discuss with you, but can we do it at another time?" will do the trick, as long as you mean it. If you do not care to ever discuss religion with this person at all, skip this step.
  6. Excuse yourself. Remove yourself from the situation by taking a bathroom break, or by greeting someone you know who just arrived, or even by lying and saying that your cell phone is ringing silently. Look at the phone and pretend that it's someone close to you and that you must briefly take the call. However, remember to return to the conversation, because bailing out suddenly and not returning will be considered rude, and may only add further motivation for the person to "enlighten" you.
  7. Bring in another conversationalist. When you can't avoid a person who wants to talk about religion, look for another person in the situation who you know has strong opinions about religion and enjoys a good debate. Introduce the two, and leave them to split theological hairs together.
  8. Be straightforward. Tell the conversationalist that this is the wrong time for this discussion.

    • If you are at work, explain that it is not proper to discuss controversial subjects in the workplace because there's a line to be drawn between personal views and professional pursuits, and you would like to focus on maintaining professionalism.
    • If you are at a social event such as a dinner party or a Be a Good Wedding Guest, remind the conversationalist that this was intended to be a happy, lighthearted celebration, and that you would rather not weigh down the evening (or the morning or afternoon) with discussions about more serious things in life.
    • Politely tell the truth. "I do not want to talk about religion right now." If a person rudely continues to discuss their views on religion, politely ask them to stop being disrespectful to you and your request. Tell them that you intend to walk away if they continue.
    • If you don't mind sharing your views but don't want the conversation, share your views and then ask an unrelated question. Often, they will get the hint that you are not interested in theological discussion and move on.

State an assertive personal policy.

  1. Say, "I never discuss religion."
  2. You might clarify, "I'm not saying I'm an atheist, and I do try to respect every kind of believer's faith and each nonbeliever's personal ethical philosophy. But it's my personal choice that I do not discuss religion beyond that.'
  3. If the other person says, "You should want to share your faith with others," respond by saying: "While I do respect your sincere view in that regard, I will nevertheless be true to my own decision for myself, which is that I do not converse about religion, nor do I recognize any obligation to justify or explain that personal decision: I will NOT engage in any religious discuss. I wish you and others well, but I will not engage in any kind of religious discussion or self-identification of any kind."

Tips

  • It is rude for a person to refuse to leave you alone when you have asked them to.
  • Religion should be discussed openly and objectively, but a lack of tact is likely to hurt someone's feelings.
  • Many people don't mean to be rude, they just literally don't realize that not everyone around them has had the same upbringing, background, or culture. It may not occur to someone for example that their coworker is Jewish, not Christian, if the speaker lives in a predominantly Christian area, for example.
  • Conversations about religion shouldn't be uncomfortable unless you are unsure about your own beliefs. It is completely proper to tell them you have your own beliefs, or lack of them, and are not interested in discussing the topic.
  • Understanding your own Defend Your Beliefs, or lack thereof, will strengthen your resolve. You do not need to argue your reasons and, in fact, you are often better off not arguing.
  • Being friendly in a sense, cooperative, withers down any tension the speaker may have. Enough of this attitude will allow an easy parting of ways without any regretful memories left for the religious person.
  • Take a moment. If you feel offended by another's comment about religion, that feeling may be the product of an upbringing in which free inquiry about your faith doctrines was discouraged, sometimes strongly, and seen as offensive. Those feelings, though real, are subjective, and will not always be apparent to those who were brought up in a more intellectually open environment. If the person you are listening to otherwise seems thoughtful, take the opportunity to explain, not defend, your faith position; conversely, ask questions - take advantage of the opportunity to learn about their philosophy. This discussion can end in greater mutual respect, rather than conflict.
  • As long as you are diplomatic and kind when you positively say you do not want to discuss religion, you will be respected.

Warnings

  • Seeming flippant or like a cynic may challenge your friend to find more ways to reach you; so reassure your friend, "I have my beliefs; let's just talk about other things." Keep the friend and keep on the right path.
  • Alcohol lowers inhibitions therefore making people more emotionally labile and reactive. An argument about religion while intoxicated will not often end well. There is also increased risk of saying something stupid.
  • Leading a persistent conversationalist to believe that you are agreeing with their views just so you can quiet them will most likely encourage them to follow up more frequently with you. If you let them think you agree with them, they will may to check in from time to time to see if you are still on the same page.

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