Be Cheerful

Cheerfulness is special because of how it affects others. It isn’t just something that you feel on your own, it involves expressing positive feelings to those around you.[1] Acting cheerful when you’re really not happy can actually produce the opposite effect in those around you. You may think you are great at faking emotions. But, your body language and facial expressions can reveal your true feelings.[2] By focusing on what you’re passionate about and learning to share this passion with others, you can become more cheerful.

Steps

Finding Happiness Within Yourself

  1. Find your passion. Being cheerful isn’t something that’s going to just come about by wishing it. To spread cheer to others, it will be necessary to actually love your life. This means finding and practicing activities that you’re passionate about.[3]
    • Make a list of times in your life when you were deeply happy. Include as many details as possible. Include who you were with at the time, whether you were indoors or outdoors, what activities you were doing, and perhaps even what the temperature was like. These details will be different for everyone, so it’s important to flesh out all those details.
    • Then, look for trends in the details. Have you been most happy when you’re outdoors in nature? Or is it when you’re surrounded by people who challenge you? Notice which conditions produce the most happiness. Then, work on sharing these conditions with other people. Maximize the time you spend under those circumstances. Before you know it, cheerfulness can become natural to you.
    • If nothing comes to mind when you think about your passions, this may take some time and effort on your part. Rest assured that everyone has the potential for passion. Experiment with many activities and situations until passion starts to emerge.[3]
  2. Be comfortable in your own skin. Becoming cheerful requires being comfortable with yourself. You are a unique person with your own individual traits, strengths and challenges. Be proud of your abilities and strive to be happy about who you are.
    • Avoid striving for perfection. Instead, think of yourself and your life as works in progress.[4] This can make it easier to accept yourself.
  3. Accept your feelings. Humans are complex. Even people who appear cheerful most of the time experience a broad range of emotions throughout any given day.[5] Don't try to force yourself to feel happy all the time.
    • Sometimes, you might realize that being cheerful just isn’t something you’re capable of at the moment. There's nothing wrong with that. What’s most important is that you learn to accept your emotions.
    • Learn to work with what you feel instead of trying to focus only on those emotions that you consider most positive.[6] For example, if you are angry at someone, don't try to reject those feelings because anger is "bad." Instead, accept your anger, and think about what you can do to feel better or forgive the person.
  4. Look on the bright side, but be honest. If you're having a bad day, acknowledge it. You shouldn't just ignore the fact and continue trying to act happy. Then, after you've accepted the fact that you're experiencing a bad day, look for positives and think of ways to make the situation better.[7]
    • For example, imagine you've been laid-off from your job. That's probably upsetting for you, and it's okay to accept that. But, after the initial shock has passed, start thinking about ways to improve your situation. Make a plan to apply for unemployment, and for finding a new job. Perhaps this will be an opportunity to find work you like better.
    • This will help you accept the complex nature of life. Faking cheer can be counterproductive. People will likely be able to pick up conflicting messages in your body language and facial expressions.[2] So, it’s best to just let any emotions flow through you, whatever they might be.
    • At the same time, don’t brood over a particular emotion, but instead try to learn why you are feeling it. For instance, if you are angry, that might be because you’re uncomfortable and don’t know how to express it. Or, you might have unrealistically high expectations for the situation you happen to be in.
    • This might not be easy at first. But, by persistently trying to relate your emotions to what’s the present moment, you can learn to control them.
  5. Learn how negative experiences from your past affect you today. Negative experiences can have lasting impacts on our brains work and our ability to control our emotions. This includes traumatic events and long periods of depression.[8] Past events like these can make it difficult to be cheerful.
    • This doesn’t mean your are completely controlled by your past. The brain and body have a certain plasticity to them. This allows us to work through negative experiences and make new, positive changes in how our minds work. Over time, you can overcome experiences that make it hard to be cheerful.[9]
    • If there are events in your past you can't get over, see a counselor or other mental health professional. They will listen to whatever you might be struggling with. They will also provide helpful practices or strategies for working through difficult emotions.
    • If you can, don’t be afraid to experiment with different counselors. Sometimes it takes a while to find one who is the right fit for you.
    • Many health insurance plans provide for a certain number of mental health visits. Check to see if yours does.
  6. Keep a journal. Journaling has many mental health benefits that can help you feel comfortable with your past. Especially if you have traumatic events in your past, try writing in about your feelings in a journal every day.[10]
    • Writing about your past experiences or negative emotions is a particularly useful method for working through past traumas. Sit down and write down as many details as you can remember about the experience you have in mind. Or, just describe the emotions you are feeling in the present moment.
    • Writing about your emotions and negative past experiences can give you some distance from them. It can also make them manageable for you in future situations.
    • If you find this overwhelming, or it is upsetting you more than it is helping, you may need professional help. Consider talking to a counselor or therapist.
  7. Try meditation. Meditation and/or breathing exercises can also help you control emotions related to your past. Some psychologists have called this developing "mindsight." This is an ability to make decisions about how we respond to our emotions.[11]
    • Sit in a comfortable place with your legs crossed and your hands in your lap. Close your eyes and take deep, steady breaths. Focus on your breathing and try let go of everything else in your mind.[12]
    • There are cds and mp3s available to help guide you through the meditation process.
    • You might not be able to stop experiencing certain emotions. But you can learn to control with regard to how we let them affect our day-to-day life. Learning to meditate will help give you more control over your emotional state. Studies show that meditation helps regulate the function of the amygdala, the part of your brain that controls emotional responses.[13]
  8. Stay healthy. Get plenty of sleep and eat well. You need your energy and strength to feel and be your best every day.
    • This might mean getting a little bit more exercise. Try to get at least 150 minutes of moderate exercise or 75 minutes of vigorous aerobic exercise every week. This can lower blood pressure and reduce stress and anxiety.[14]
    • If you want to be a cheerful person, you must to take care of your body. You must get the right amount of exercise and proper nutritional intake to feel your best.

Behaving Cheerfully

  1. Smile. When you feel happy, let it show on your face! Smiling not only shows others that you are happy, but can cheer other people up, too.
    • Further, smiling can also make you feel more cheerful yourself.[15]
  2. Use body language. Use your body to show your cheerfulness. Avoid slouching, as this can make you look tired or unhappy. Keep your posture open and relaxed.[15]
    • Open body language means not crossing your arms or legs. Keep your feet pointed toward the person you are talking to.[16]
    • Relaxed body language means keeping your muscles relaxed, especially your arms and hands. They should hang loosely at your sides.[17] People can often tell when your muscles are tense.
  3. Speak cheerfully. Use your tone of voice, speech cadence, and words to communicate your cheerfulness. Specifically:[15]
    • Vary your tone of voice and avoid speaking in a monotone.
    • Speak quickly (but not so quickly that you are difficult to understand).
    • Use positive words like "love" and "great." Be positive and talk about others, not just yourself.
  4. Be friendly. Be outgoing, and if you see someone who looks like they need a friend, try to be that friend.
    • Say hello to people you don't know, and be open if they want to talk to you.[18]
    • Compliment people and make other nice gestures, like bringing food to a gathering to share with others.[18]
    • Try to include new people in your activities and social circle, especially if they seem in need of a friend.[18]
    • For example, imagine someone new has joined your class or workplace who has moved from far away. You might invite him or her to have lunch with you and your friends. Chances are, this person doesn't know many people in the area yet and will really appreciate you reaching out to them.

Boosting Your Everyday Cheer

  1. Do something now. When you are feeling sluggish or uninspired, try to do something—anything! Staying active will help you stay cheerful.[19]
    • Get moving. Clean your house, do the dishes, fold some laundry, or start exercising. You will feel like you have accomplished something, and this can help you feel more positive.
  2. Do things you enjoy. It's easier to be cheerful if you are enjoying life. Make sure to take some time, every day, at least once a day, to do something that brings you joy.[20] What this will be will vary for each person, here are some suggestions:
    • Put on your favorite song and have a one-person dance party.
    • Go for a walk in the woods.
    • Treat yourself to a favorite food or drink. Have a cup of your favorite coffee or a piece of pie.
    • You don't have to plan this or wait for a certain time of the day, just do it when it feels right.
  3. Practice gratitude. Focus on the things you are grateful for in our life, and express your gratitude to others.
    • Letting others know you are grateful for things they do that make your life better can make you happier, spread cheer, and improve your relationships with other people.[21]
    • You might also want to consider keeping a gratitude journal, in which you write about the things you are thankful for. Research suggests that this can increase happiness and even improve your physical health.[22]
  4. Get involved with a cause. This can include going to meetings about a cause in person or simply joining a group online.[23] Getting involved in a social cause can be a great way to build connections with other people. It's also a good way cultivate a passion about something outside of yourself.[24]
    • Investing your energy in creating change in the world with other people can help you discover new passions. This, in turn, can allow you to be more cheerful in your interactions with others in general.
    • Help someone who is in need. Not everybody is as fortunate as you are. Try to help them out by donating to charities or running a food drive. Even something simple like complimenting someone or offering a smile can improve the lives of others.
  5. Listen to other people. When people talk to you, be a good listener. Make eye contact and acknowledge their perspectives.
    • Listening to others with an open mind is a good way to show you are confident and cheerful. It will make other people feel cared about. In doing so, you might improve how other people are feeling.[25]
    • Listening to others can be a good way to get new insights about the world. It also lets you share the happiness other people might be experiencing.
  6. Be open minded. Don't judge other people. When you meet someone new, try to find something in common with him or her. Try to not to jump to conclusions about people based on their appearances.
    • Judging others can make both you and the other person unhappy.[26]
    • Instead, assume the best about people.
    • Avoid putting people down. Instead, encourage them to rise and accomplish their goals. Display optimism, and cheer people on. Your optimism will become contagious.

Tips

  • Always try to think positively. Look for the upside, even in a negative situation.
  • Smile. When you feel happy, let others know. Happiness can be contagious.
  • Say hello to new people, not just the same people every day. Let others know that you're willing to be friends with everyone.
  • Music has the powerful ability to appeal to people's emotions. Listen to music that makes you feel good to get your mood up and feel more cheerful.
  • Get out of the house. Sometimes being alone is good, but loneliness can consume you. Take a bike ride in the sun or ask a friend out for coffee.

Warnings

  • Be careful; sometimes kindness is misunderstood as a come on. Don't come on too strong, especially with members of the opposite sex.

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cheerful
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 Frank, M. G., & Svetieva, E. (2015). Microexpressions and Deception. In M. K. Mandal & A. Awasthi (Eds.), Understanding Facial Expressions in Communication (pp. 227–242). Springer India. Retrieved from http://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-81-322-1934-7_11
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 Robinson, K., & Aronica, L. (2009). The Element: How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything (Reprint edition). Concordville, Pa.; Norwood, Mass.: Penguin Books.
  4. ↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/accepting-imperfection-making-peace-piece-in-progress/
  5. ↑ L’Abate, L. (2012). Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy as a Science: An Iconoclastic Perspective (2013 edition). New York: Springer.
  6. ↑ Kelley, T. M., & Pransky, J. (2013). Principles for realizing resilience: A new view of trauma and inner resilience. J Trauma Stress Disor Treat 2, 1, 2.
  7. ↑ http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/positive-attitude-happy-life/
  8. ↑ Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma (1 edition). New York: Viking.
  9. ↑ Malabou, C. (2012). The New Wounded: From Neurosis to Brain Damage. (S. Miller, Trans.) (1 edition). New York: Fordham University Press.
  10. ↑ D’Mello, S., & Mills, C. (2014). Emotions while writing about emotional and non-emotional topics. Motivation & Emotion, 38(1), 140–156. http://doi.org/10.1007/s11031-013-9358-1
  11. ↑ Siegel, D. J. (2010). Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation (Reprint edition). New York: Bantam.
  12. ↑ http://theconsciouslife.com/how-to-meditate-a-guide-for-beginners.htm
  13. ↑ http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2012/11/meditations-positive-residual-effects/
  14. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/fitness/expert-answers/exercise/faq-20057916
  15. ↑ 15.0 15.1 15.2 http://changingminds.org/techniques/happiness/act_happy.htm
  16. ↑ http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/open_body.htm
  17. ↑ http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/relaxed_body.htm
  18. ↑ 18.0 18.1 18.2 http://www.succeedsocially.com/friendly
  19. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/balance/news/20100803/stay-busy-stay-happy
  20. ↑ http://edition.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/08/10/losing.job.cb/index.html
  21. ↑ http://time.com/14047/what-10-things-should-you-do-every-day-to-improve-your-life/
  22. ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/tips_for_keeping_a_gratitude_journal/
  23. ↑ Greek, J. (2014). Social Activism Online: Getting Involved. The Rosen Publishing Group.
  24. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200307/what-makes-activist
  25. ↑ http://www.jewelsofhappiness.com/how-to-make-others-happy/
  26. ↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/why-judging-people-makes-us-unhappy/
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