Be Dark

If you’re drawn to dark things like horror movies, true crime stories, and the occult, chances are you’re more in touch with your dark side than other people. It's not necessary a bad thing, and it doesn't mean you're evil. Most people have a dark side. Getting in touch with your dark side can actually make you a kinder, more intelligent, and more interesting person.

Steps

Nurturing your Dark Side

1. Stay true to yourself. Even if you’re still getting to know who you are, you can usually tell what you like and don’t like, and what makes you feel good and bad. Don’t do anything that doesn’t feel right for you.
   • Pay attention to your instincts, feelings, and personal tastes while exploring your dark side. You might find that you like some really unexpected bands or movies, for example.
   • If you find that you don’t like the same things that other people are into, that’s okay. Maybe your goth friends make fun of you for liking an emo band, or vice versa. That’s their problem, not yours. Keep liking what you like!
2. Get in touch with your dark side. Famous psychiatrist Carl Jung described the dark side of a person as their “shadow,” which contained all of the things that society teaches us to repress: greed, anger, hatred, fear etc. — in short, our more primitive side.
   • Jung recommended working to assimilate the shadow into your conscious personality. Instead of repressing your darker instincts then, you should acknowledge them and work through them.
   • By getting to know your dark side, you can know yourself better, and become a better version of yourself. This doesn’t mean you should act on your darker instincts. It means that you should acknowledge your feelings and work through them instead of pretending that they don’t exist.
   • A great example of the shadow that Carl Jung referred to appears in the novella, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, by Robert Louis Stevenson. If you haven’t already read it, it’s great, dark reading material!
3. Get comfortable with darkness. Learn to find comfort at night and in the dark. If you’re afraid of the dark, work on overcoming that fear. Find ways to enjoy the calm, cool, silence of night, and the stunning beauty of the moon.
   • Dark people are often night owls, staying up into the wee hours of the morning. You may find that this is when you’re most creative. If this isn’t the case, though, don’t push yourself. Keep hours that make you feel healthy and fit.
   • If it’s safe for you to do so, go for night walks. If you have friends who are also into dark things, go for a walk with your friends, as there is safety in numbers.
   • As an example, walking in a cemetery at night can be lovely. If you do this, however, make sure that you respect the grounds and don’t destroy anything. If you see anyone being rowdy or aggressive, do not approach them. If they seem dangerous, consider reporting them to the police.
4. Delve into the history of occult beliefs and practices. You can do this with books that are written by practitioners as well as books that are written by academics with a more objective viewpoint.
   • An example of a good book that approaches Vampires from a more academic viewpoint is Paul Barber’s Vampires, Burial, and Death.
   • Richard Cavendish’s The Black Arts approaches the topic from a religious standpoint, but is detailed and highly reviewed.
   • A lot of academic books will refer to primary source texts. These are the books that people are writing about. An example of a primary source would be the Bible. A great primary source for researching the treatment of witches is the Malleus Maleficarum, which is a famous medieval witch-hunting manual.
   • Beyond books, there are also countless documentaries about the occult. A fun (though inaccurate) one from the 1920s is called Häxan, by a Danish director named Benjamin Christensen. Note that there is some nudity in this film.
5. Read scary stories. Read horror novels, campfire stories, and whatever else you can get your hands on that scare the bejesus out of you. Check lists of top horror books to find ones that suit your tastes.
   • There are tonnes of Reddit threads that are full of scary stories, some of which are real. Threads like NoSleep, LetsNotMeet, and Paranormal are a lot of fun. You can even participate in the threads by adding your own stories, or commenting on the stories of others.
6. Listen to dark music. When it comes to music, “dark” could mean anything. It really depends on your own tastes. Ask around and explore forum threads for dark music suggestions. Basically, it’s about what evokes the desired feeling for you.
   • Marilyn Manson and Nine Inch Nails are some of the darker mainstream bands that have been around for a long time.
   • Alkaline Trio and Brand New both have dark lyrics which focus on themes to do with depression and despair.
   • Nirvana and Radiohead might not automatically seem like dark bands, but they both express sadness, rage, and despair through their lyrics and melody choices.
   • Classical music can be wonderfully dark. A famous example is Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata.
   • Old jazz music can sound pretty creepy, particularly when it’s slow and on vinyl. Rezsö Seress’s 1933 song “Gloomy Sunday” is also known as “The Hungarian Suicide Song”, because it reportedly drove some of its listeners to suicide.
7. Watch scary movies. If you have a dark side, chances are you love scary movies. There are a lot of genres to choose from. Maybe you like paranormal stories, or maybe you like violent, gory slashers.
   • Famous slashers include Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho (1969), John Carpenter’s Halloween (1978), Michael Powell’s Peeping Tom (1960), and Wes Craven’s A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984).
   • Famous paranormal movies include Masaki Kobayashi’s Kwaidan (1964), Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sánchez’s The Blair Witch Project (1999), Oren Peli’s Paranormal Activity (2007), and the Insidious series.
   • For dark coming-of-age films that are disturbing but not really horror, try Michael Lehmann’s Heathers (1988), Richard Kelly’s Donnie Darko (2001), or Rian Johnson’s Brick (2005).
   • The options are endless. These are only a few examples of a few genres. If you aren’t sure where to start, check out some horror movie sites and forums to see what might suit your tastes.
8. Broaden your horizons. Go beyond the usual suspects and explore books, films, music, and other art forms that nurture and inspire your interest in dark things.
   • Go to poetry readings and art galleries. Volunteer at horror film festivals or host horror movie nights at your home. Explore the darker side of life as depicted through art, and let it inspire you to create your own things.
   • Practise creating your own art, whether it be music, writing, film, photography, paintings, or anything else you can do to express your own experience of darkness.

Having a Dark Personality

1. Be mysterious. Acting mysterious can make you seem darker and more interesting. The charm of mystery will wear off with time, so once you trust someone and feel close to them, it’s okay to warm up and open up more.
   • One way to seem mysterious is to say less than is necessary. For instance, if someone asks you what you’re doing on Friday night, you might say, “Going out”. This may encourage them to get curious and ask more questions. Be warned, though, some people will tire of having to always drag information out of you.
2. Think before you speak. If you’re trying to give the impression that you’re a dark, mysterious person, it’s best that you choose your words carefully so that they suit the way that you want people to see you.
   • Thinking before you speak will make you seem more well-spoken and intelligent. Just make sure that you don’t overthink everything you say, otherwise you might not ever say anything at all!
3. Make people crave your presence. When you’re always around, people are more likely to take you for granted. If you’re not always around, they may be more likely to miss you (unless you’re not fun to be around).
   • It may feel like you’re playing a game, but it’s actually healthy to take time to be alone and develop yourself and your interests. Having people miss you is just a nice side effect of this.
   • If someone asks you why you aren’t coming out, it’s okay to tell the truth. Don’t make up some lame lie about being busy with something else. Just let them know that you want to have the night to yourself.
   • Don’t say you’ll be there and not show up though. That’s just plain flakey, and it won’t make people miss you at all.
4. Be unpredictable. Have an unexpected hobby, or say unexpected things once in a while. Note that this is not the same as being unreliable. Being unreliable is just selfish and inconsiderate.
   • As an example, maybe you always wear black and listen to a lot of sad music, but you love Lady Gaga. No one would expect that from you, so it becomes a funny personality quirk of yours.
   • Don’t do anything dangerous while being unpredictable. Don’t act crazy just to get attention or surprise people, as this will likely push people away instead of making them more interested in you. It could also end up hurting you or other people.
5. Cultivate a dark sense of humor. Showcase your twisted mind with sick jokes. Try to avoid making fun of people or putting yourself down with your jokes, as this will likely hurt people’s feelings — and that includes your own.
   • A popular example of a sick joke is the one that they play in the movie Fight Club, in which a flight safety manual depicting people calmly following safety procedures is switched with a manual depicting utter chaos.
   • Having a good sense of humor can make life easier in general. Used incorrectly though, your sense of humor can strain relationships.
6. Be respectful. Treat others with respect. Being dark doesn’t mean being rude or mean. In fact, being dark AND being polite and well-spoken will just make you seem even cooler.
   • Don’t assume that people are lame just because they don’t dress like you or share your interests. You don’t know what their life experiences have been. You don’t have to be best friends, but you can still be nice to each other.
7. Don’t stop studying or working. If you’re feeling really dark, it may be tempting to do things that could jeopardize your future. Try not to lose sight of your goals (or make goals, if you don’t have them).
   • Work on things that you love and work towards a career that you love, whether it be playing in a band, publishing a book, joining a travelling circus, or just working a regular 9 to 5 job and saving up for cool vacations.
8. Get outside once in a while. People with dark personalities sometimes end up spending lots of time inside and away from people. This may be what makes you feel comfortable, but it’s likely not actually making you happy.
   • Get outside, exercise, hang out with people. Do things that get you out of your own head and your own little world. It will give you a broader perspective on life, and will help you appreciate your alone time that much more.
9. Know when to seek help. If you struggle with depression, go see a counsellor or a doctor and get some help. Life may seem long and hard right now, but one day you’ll realize that it’s brutally short — far too short to spend feeling sad and unsatisfied with life.
   • It’s still possible to enjoy dark things and feel satisfied in your life. You are not betraying who you are by trying to become a happier person. As much as it may feel like it, depression is not your friend.
   • If you think you are at risk of committing suicide, call a suicide hotline. Give yourself the chance to feel better before giving in to your depression. There are various websites and hotlines available to you.

Looking Dark

1. Don’t depend on your looks. Research has shown that people with dark personality traits such as narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism are generally found to be more physically attractive than others, but NOT because of their personalities.
   • They were actually found to be more attractive because of how their personality traits influenced the way they presented themselves. In general, people with dark personality traits tend to be flashier dressers and have more confident and attractive body language.
   • Research also shows that over time, negative personalities ultimately eclipse physical attractiveness. In short, your bad personality will ultimately eclipse your looks.
2. Find your dark style. It can be fun to express your dark interests through your appearance. If you’re unsure of what sort of dark style to choose, consider your idols. Horror movies and music are great sources for style inspiration.
   • As an example, you might wear your hair long and black like Morticia Addams, or big chunky boots like Marilyn Manson.
3. Be yourself. You can model your dark style after your idols, but it’s important that you change it up enough that you still look like your own person — not just a clone of your idol. You could even mix up the styles of a few dark icons to arrive at your own unique style.
   • A fun example of horror movie characters who manage to look dark while still looking unique is Ginger and Brigitte Fitzgerald, of the movie Ginger Snaps, whose gothy, witchy old lady look is much different from traditional witchy characters in films.

Tips

• A funny example of how faking darkness can backfire is in the movie Dead Man on Campus, when the brooding, gothy lead singer of a band gets caught happily singing show tunes in the bathroom. Moral of the story? Just be yourself!
• It can be fun to show your darkness on the outside, too. Try dressing up in outfits that express your inner darkness, or decorating your room with dark paraphernalia like candles, skulls, and old-fashioned dolls, for example.
• Being dark doesn’t have to mean being unhappy. You can be interested in lots of weird dark stuff and still be a happy, fun person to be around. If you don’t believe that, check out the horror directors the Soska Sisters, aka the Twisted Twins, who are bubbly, happy, and very dark.
• Depression can make you self-centered. If you have trouble enjoying life and feel overwhelmed by negative, depressing thoughts, it’s important to do things that get you outside of yourself (and away from the negative thoughts in your head). Try to focus on things outside of you — help out others, go for walks, take music lessons.

Warnings

• Dark does not mean evil. Even if you have a dark personality, you still shouldn't mistreat other people.
• Avoid cutting as this may lead to infections that could become very serious. Also, you may cut too deep and accidentally hurt yourself more than intended. Once you’re older, you may even regret being covered in big bumpy keloid scars.
• Resist the urge to live like a vampire. Avoiding the sun can result in you developing a Vitamin D deficiency. You should still wear sunscreen, but go outside and walk around in daylight. It’s good for you!
• There’s a difference between being dark and being depressed. If you find that you’re struggling to enjoy things in life, and you feel hopeless and helpless, it’s time to seek professional help. You can start by talking to your parents if you still live at home, or, if that’s not an option, see a guidance counsellor or a doctor.
• Being reclusive will greatly reduce your chances of ever having meaningful relationships with other people, unless you find other dark souls to be reclusive with.
• While having a dark personality may attract people at first, it will ultimately push them away as people get tired of dealing them. Learn to enjoy the darker side of things without being too self-involved, and you’ll be able to be dark AND happy.

Related Articles

• Look Gothic Without Your Parents Getting Upset
• Be Goth

Sources and Citations

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