Look Gothic Without Your Parents Getting Upset
Want to try the Gothic style but afraid that your parents might become upset? Here are some tips that might help you out. Wearing Gothic clothes can be exciting and fun, but you might upset your parents and get them angry at you.
Steps
- Start at a slow pace. If you suddenly leave the house one day in black fishnets, a corset, eyeliner, a tattered skirt and combat boots when just yesterday you wore conservative clothing, your parents will be caught off-guard, and may have good reason to flip. Try wearing a black shirt and pants for a couple of weeks. Then you can gradually move over to some more "extreme" clothes like fishnets, studs, and so on. If you ease into it slowly, chances are that they won't be as surprised and disconcerted.
- If you've tried hiding your goth leanings from your parents because you know they wouldn't understand, but suddenly find that you've been caught, explain your side of things rationally. It's you that has to be seen in public with these clothes, not your mom or dad. Why does it bother them? Didn't they try any alternative life-styles when they were young? By all means, do not start yelling, shouting, or screaming. However, it is also best not to be too keen to compromise; you have your right to your own lifestyle, as they do to theirs.
- Dispose all the religious leanings towards Gothic as much as you can. Try to disassociate being Gothic from any particular religion as best as you can. This may be hard, given the religious imagery often used in all things Goth. Though Satanism is not, of course, associated with the Goth scene, parents may not know this. Try to explain this to them and be as calm as possible. It can be hard if you have fundamentalist Christian family members who are convinced that you are worshipping Satan just because you've started dressing differently. Calmly explain to them that you're not, and if you go to church, continue to do so (It won't ruin your goth credibility, but please be sure to leave the latex and leather at home). If they're still convinced that you've become a Satanist, be sure to spend lots of time with them (they're more likely to think less of you if you're spending a lot of time alone in your room), and point out similarities between a lot of gothic artistic elements and the art of the Medieval Catholic church.
- Don't hang out with "bad people" and expect your parents not to worry. Do your new Goth friends smoke, drink, or do drugs? Can you blame your parents for being scared? They are right, if this happens.
- Buy a thin black (floor length, preferably) jacket (Optional). Wear a bright colored shirt so mom doesn't think a bad thought at all, but put the jacket on when you go out. Your mom won't think about it twice, but you'll be in all black.
- Eyeliner is okay to apply in front of you parents (if you're a girl), but if you want the "overboard" look, wait till you're outside.
- Try to make your mom buy black clothes for you, but don't dress "all-black" too often. That's when your mom will flip out and she'll never buy any more clothes for you.
- Do not dive straight into the Gothic lifestyle. Your parents might think you are going through a phase, or have been put under too much pressure if you immediately start wearing black make-up and want to dye your hair black.
Tips
- Beware! People may/will treat you differently. But don't worry about that. Don't pay attention to what other people say; just keep dressing that way and people will get used to it!
- If you find that you like dressing in the Goth style as well as 'lighter' styles, don't worry too much about it. Being Goth isn't about wearing labels or being a stereotype, it's about originality. You shouldn't confine yourself to a single, monotonous style.
- If you are a Christian you can adorn yourself with beautiful Rosaries. Rosaries and crosses have always been favored in the elegant Goth styles.
- Don't be afraid to wear bright colors! Even certain shades of pink can look Goth if you do it right.
- Try not to hide it from your parents. Hiding it only reinforces the idea that there is something wrong with doing it. If you want to dress Goth, dress Goth.
- The best way to start out is to wear things with deep ironic or satirical meaning, but not black. Eventually start wearing darker clothes (purple, blue) and inch your way to wearing black. Take everything one step at a time.
- If your parents seriously flip out, lay off for a little. Pressing things now will just make all your lives harder in the future.
- You do not have to dress Goth to listen to Goth music and vice versa.
- Bring spare eye-liner and a mirror with you so you can add more when you are out.
- A good thing to do if you have dark make-up, is to put your hair out of your eyes. Like a messy bun type thing. Use a few pairs of chopsticks to hold it in place (it's very quick so you can do it in school)
- Don't dress Goth because your friends do it or for any other reasons other than your own personal preferences. Do it because you like how it looks. Never be anything that you're unhappy with. Put meaning behind your wardrobe and do not give in to post-modern corporatism.
- If you can't dress full on Goth, see if you can wear Gothic accessories. A lace choker, a Victorian drape necklace, a spider ring, a skull hair-bow, a bat bracelet, a studded belt, some glovelets or gauntlets, striped knee socks, etc. can add a Goth touch to otherwise "conformist" outfit.
- Don't make any permanent body modifications unless your completely sure you want them. Even a hair cut isn't necessary. Be creative. Use hair clips or whatever to make your hair look really cool. And your hair does not have to be black!
- Go very easy on the make-up at first. Then when your parents and people around you get used to it, you can use black lipstick and anything else you don't usually do.
- If you want a classic, old school, steam-punk, romantic, elegant Goth style (e.g. Rozz Williams- Christian Death) you can also use certain fabrics to heighten the desired effect. Choose velvets (plush or crushed), lace, chiffon, or satin. Avoid boots and shoes with thick, bulky, or chunky soles and choose pointy boots covered in buckles to accentuate this look. Old Victorian lace up style boots work well too. Even classic feminine Mary Jane's will do.
- You actually don't have to wear too much make-up. Try to focus one one thing at a time. If you want dark lips, then don't wear eye make-up, and if you want to emphasize your eyes, don't wear lipstick.
- If your parents are really that bad, bring your clothes to school with you and get dressed there (unless you have a school dress code).
- Dressing Goth does not make you superior in any way to other people. Keep that in mind. It's not okay to treat others badly just because they don't dress the way you do. Try to steer clear of this "Gothier Than Thou" syndrome.
- Explaining to your parents why you want to look goth or be goth helps a lot. Show them the beauty that you see in the dark side, and it will be much easier for them to understand and accept your choices. Explain that goth is all about individuality, not dark religions.
- Take it slow. You don't want your friends or family to be suspicious or act differently. Also, you don't have to wear just black. Maybe try darker shades of colors you like. It's all up to you!
- Even if your family or friends think you look dumb, don't pay attention. It's your life; live it how you want, within reason.
- Never lower your expectations to suit someone else's, because straight away, you're not being you, so if your friend's a goth and you're not too keen on it yourself, that's fine, but by all means you can still try it out and see if you like it!
- If you want to add accessories to your look, go for smaller, less extreme pieces first; then go for the bigger items.
Warnings
- Don't be surprised if people laugh or make awkward glances at you. Wear it and own it like its nobody's business
- Don't assume that your parents won't like it or will freak out. Some parents are a lot cooler than you think.
- Don't reveal too much skin.
- Don't yak about being Goth as it will make you seem like a "poser" if you tell every person you meet. However, if someone asks "Are you a Goth?" and you are, say yes.
- Grandparents will probably not be as eager to accept your style as parents, as they may have older ideas.
- Don't over-do anything. Take it slow and easy, and you'll be okay!
- Don't be shy about your new look; be confident in your identity. You need to feel that this is the right life style and remember people will stare.
- Only get piercings and tattoos from qualified professionals. You could contract illnesses (including HIV-AIDS) if you attempt this yourself or allow someone else that really doesn't know what they're doing.
- Make sure that you're ready to be called name's. Most people would say "freak" or "monster." They don't understand that you're also a human being.
- Don't become a Goth to follow the crowd. The whole point of being Goth is nonconformity.
- Do not go overboard. This results in a bad look and ticked off parents and peers.
Things You'll Need
- A large backpack for hiding clothes, jewelry, etc.
- Brighter Gothic clothes (dark purple, navy blue, etc.) so you have something to fall back on if you get into trouble.
- Parents don't automatically adjust like you can to your new style so keep in mind that you should be very careful when making this decision.
- Black makeup. Don't think that your friends won't like it; it just matters if you like it.
