Change Your Whole Personality
Personality is a collection of patterns — thought, behavior, and feeling — that make up who you are. And guess what? Patterns can change. It'll take work, but if you're truly devoted to this idea, anything can happen. Remember, though, that your old personality will likely shine through regularly as our beliefs and thinking is shaped by our life experiences.
Contents
Steps
Setting the Groundwork
- Write down your plan. This is a two-fold action: what you're looking to change and what you're looking to become. You can't have one without the other. This is a huge endeavor to accomplish; you'll need to know the battle you're picking before you begin.
- How will your projected new character contribute towards your development as a person? Many people will at this stage come to the conclusion that a personality change is not needed, but rather one small habit that has a negative effect on your interactions with others. Would just a tweak do the trick?
- If there is someone you wish you were more like, distinguish what is it you want to emulate. Don't just look at a person and say "Yes, I want to be like that." Find out exactly what it is that you admire -- is it how they handle situations? Their manner of speaking? How they walk or, move? More importantly, how does this contribute to their well being?
- Tell someone. Part of the reason Alcoholics Anonymous is said to be successful is because you take something you wouldn't usually talk about, and you put it out in the open. Having someone else hold you accountable provides you with an extrinsic motivation you wouldn't otherwise have.
- Talk to a friend about what you're looking to accomplish. If they're a trusted confidante, they'll be able to prod you in the right direction (either by telling you that you're being ridiculous or by keeping you on track). The extra brain power and set of eyes a little bit farther away from the painting, if you will, can help you see how you should behave and what impression you're giving off.
- Make up a reward system. This can be absolutely anything. Anything. It could be as small as moving marbles from one pocket to the other or as large as a vacation. Whatever it is, make it worth it to you.
- And set up checkpoints while you're at it. If you walk up to that beautiful girl and get one word out, fantastic. That's something. If, the next week you walk up to her and get out a whole anecdote, great! Have rewards for everything; it's all a challenge.
Changing Your Patterns of Thinking
- Stop labeling yourself. When you think of yourself as shy and reserved, you'll use it as a crutch. Why aren't you going to that party on Friday? ...Exactly. You've no reason. When you stop thinking of yourself as one way or the other, the world opens up to you.
- You are constantly morphing. If you think of yourself as a band geek, you may find yourself embracing those characteristics. But if you realize that you're always growing and changing, you may open up to opportunities that inspire that growth, opportunities you would otherwise shy away from.
- Quit thinking in "fixed" terms. Along the same lines as labels, stop thinking in black and white. Boys are not scary, authority is not evil, and textbooks do have their uses. Once you realize that it's your perception of a thing that determines what it is to you, you'll see more possibilities and, therefore, more options for behavior.
- Some people view certain traits as "fixed," and that significantly impacts how they behave. The opposite of this would be a "growth" mindset, where the viewer thinks traits are malleable and morph constantly. These mindsets develop early in childhood and can greatly factor into personality. If you think things are "fixed," you don't believe you can change them. How do you see the world? It can determine how you see yourself in relationships, how you solve conflicts, and how and how quickly you bounce back from setbacks.
- Stomp out negative thoughts. Just stop. The beauty of your brain is that it is part of you, and you, therefore, control it. If you find yourself thinking, "Oh my God, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't," you probably won't be able to. When the voice starts going, put a sock in it. It's not doing you any good.
- When the voice acts up, make it sound like Donald Duck. It's a lot harder to take seriously.
- Keep your head up. Literally. Changing your body language can change how you feel and therefore think.
Changing Your Patterns of Feeling
- Fake it till you make it. There's a saying in Zen Buddhism that the way out is through the door. If you want to become less shy, practice going up to people and talking to them. If you admire those who read a lot, start reading. Just jump in. People fall into bad habits, and there are ways to change them.
- No one has to know that deep inside you feel like your death is imminent. You know why? Because soon enough that'll go away. The mind has an extraordinary ability to adapt. What once sends a shiver down your spine, with enough time, will become old hat in time.
- Assume another identity. Alright, so method acting gets a bad rap, but if Dustin Hoffman did it, might as well give 'er a go. With this method, you completely immerse yourself in someone else. It's not you out there; it's this new creature you're trying to be.
- This is 24/7. You must adopt the habits of this new character in every situation. How do they sit? What's the resting position of their face? What are their concerns? How do they kill time? Who do they associate with?
- Set aside a specific time to freak out. Alright, so telling you to completely abandon who you are and adopt a new persona by the simple power of thought and habit is ridiculous. There's no way you can keep it up 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Therefore, give yourself a scheduled time to feel how you want.
- If you have a party on Friday that you are absolutely dreading, tell yourself on Friday night or Saturday morning you can take 20 minutes just to freak out completely about it. 20 minutes of absolutely illogical, non-productivity. But beyond that, nothing. Stick to it. You know what'll happen? You'll find that you don't need to take the time after all.
Changing Your Patterns of Behaving
- Throw yourself into new environments. Truly, the only way you'll see change in yourself is if you add something new into your life. To do this, you'll need to pick up new behaviors, new people, and new activities. You can't do the same things over and over and expect different results.
- Start out small. Join a club. Get a job outside your skill set. Start reading up on the subject. What's more, keep yourself out of old environments. You don't want to hang out with people who do the opposite of whatever it is you're trying to achieve.
- Condition yourself. If you're afraid of spiders, put yourself in a room with one. Day by day, inch closer to it. Eventually, you'll be sitting next to it. Even later, you'll be holding it. Constant exposure dulls the brain from feeling fear. Now take "spiders" and replace it with whatever your goal may be.
- Keep a journal. You'll need some pretty intense self-awareness to stay on track. Keeping a journal will help you sort your thoughts and analyze how you've been handling this change. Write down what's been working and what hasn't to fine-tune your method.
- Say "yes." If throwing yourself into new environments is hard, think of it this way: stop turning opportunities down. If you see a sign that the old you would deem uninteresting, give it a second look. If a friend asks you to do something you know absolutely zero about, agree. You'll be all the more better for it.
- That being said, make safe decisions. If someone asks you to go jump off a cliff, don't do it. Use your brain.
Adding the Final Touches
- Don the clothes. Alright, so clothes don't make the man, but they can help put you in the right mindset. Though this by no means changes your personality, it may help serve as a reminder to you of the person you are trying to become.
- This can be as small as wearing a hat. If there is something that, to you, is indicative of this new person, keep it on your radar. You'll be more likely to stay in tune with yourself to reduce cognitive dissonance.
- Pick up the habits. The clothes and thought patterns may not be enough. Think about what this new person would do and do it. Would they seek out social interaction? Shun social media? Read The Economist? Whatever it is, do it.
- You don't have to stay big -- the small things work too. Would she carry around a pink purse? Would he listen to a specific band? Get into character as much as possible.
- Settle in. Now that you're picking up these new habits and probably these new friends and routines, you may feel a little jostled. What's important now is to embrace yourself, whatever and wherever you are. Sink your nails in and decide that you're staying.
- Uprooting yourself psychologically is risky. If you've succeeded, you may need time to feel like you're truly "you." Relax. This feeling will come as long as you keep this desire close to your well-being.
- Reflect on your new personality. Did you really achieve what you wanted to achieve? Do other people think more positively about you now that you act and wear different? Are you willing to sacrifice yourself for a fake imitation of the ideal person?
- Some people will decide that what they need is not a personality change, but an acceptance of who they are and a willingness to try to improve themselves instead of a full personality makeover but its up to you to make that personal choice. Make sure you are doing this for all the right reasons.
Tips
- Don't get frustrated if you don't change right away; it will take some time.
- If you think you cannot change who you are because of parents or other people in your life, change yourself in small ways. Cut down habits you don't like and introduce new ones. If mom or dad asks what's up, explain to them that there is nothing wrong with your self-esteem, that you are just trying to be more comfortable with yourself.
- Slowly change; a dramatic change could cause questions from people. Address your problem and deal with that area. Slowly it will become natural.
- Start it for the summer and then in the fall people will see the new you.
- Never change who you are because other people don't like you. If you are a nerd, don't become a prep just because they are "cool." Take a look at a group of true goths at your school. They are all standing around laughing at the preppy people and making jokes about how every bully at the school will work for them some day.
- You shouldn't change for people to like you. Ignore all negative comments. You should only change for yourself - because you want to be a better person.
- It's better to enhance your personality than trying to change into a whole person, so try to focus on your positives and slowly filter out the negatives and remember no one is perfect. But strive to be the best you can.
- If you hate yourself then pick someone that you like and see how they act. Always think "what would they do?" before you act. I hope that this helps.
- Keep your head up, and never give up. Change is hard, but also good and will pay off.
- You can also get a haircut, and new dressing style will help.
- Make sure a close friend or relative knows your plan, just in case something goes wrong.
- Know yourself completely, and don't forget to enjoy all the happy moments in life.
Warnings
- Understand that if you make drastic changes to your personality, friends may not like the new you.
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