Be a Good Bogan
Being a Bogan can be simple. Here's a short quiz to determine if you are a Bogan:
- Do you ever have the urge to wear super short footy shorts, singlet, thongs and Akubra?
- Do you actually know what an Akubra is?
- Are you a compulsive VB drinker?
- Are you a poncey business type eager for a change in life's ways?
- Are you an Aussie?
If the answer to any of these is yes, you may already be a Bogan! But if you want to be a really good Bogan, follow the steps outlined below.
Steps
- Come from West Auckland, Bay of Plenty, or Hamilton, New Zealand.
- Listen to the right Music. Metal, Heavy Metal & Hard Rock are some examples of what to listen to. No Pop or rap or anything. And definitely no country music. A redneck is the absolute opposite of a Bogan.
- Dress right. Bogans wear torn Jeans or slightly worn out Jeans, preferably black or dark grey, a band T-Shirt, e.g. Guns N' Roses, Iron Maiden or any band you like. A flannel shirt or leather jacket can be worn over the top. (Doesn't have to be. You can wear just the flannel or leather, but never do up the buttons/zip of your shirt/jacket.) Bogans prefer desert boots but black sneakers can be worn instead.
- Know some famous bogans. Slash, Kurt Cobain and Iron Maiden (The whole Band) are some famous bogans.
- Get the right hair. Long hair is essential when you want to be a bogan. Short hair is not acceptable. Old Bogan had dirty, messy hair but the modern bogan tends to keep their hair clean. Not necessarily tidy, but clean. If you want to impress the ladies, clean is a lot better.
- Locate the nearest pub. Get a slab of VB and sit in front of the telly watching the footy. Whenever your team loses, let out masculine drunken grunts of rage.
- Brush up on your Aussie Slang. This could include shortening words to end with 'i' e.g. Uni, footy, barbie etc. also, brush up on insults and names for people generally annoying to the general public... eg Greenies-people that want to conserve forests etc, Wog-anyone not Aussie or from USA, NZ, Asia or England, Kiwi- New Zealander, POM-Englishman, Yank-American
- Know how to act. Bogans tend to walk normally. Not slouched or hunchbacked. Not fully straight either. If you have some loud portable speakers, you can plug your I-Pod in or something and put some music on as you walk with your friends. headbanging is what makes a bogan a bogan. (Well not really, but still, head-bang!) This shows that you are passionate about your music and that you like being a bogan.
- Acknowledge some bonuses. Some bogans get a few bonuses. Such as having an older brother/sister who is a bogan who can help you, some friends or relatives that can also help you. If you play an instrument, it has to be electric guitar, bass or drums. Or even Keyboards. If you play violin or something. Then No! If you play guitar, have it down low.
Tips
- Black. Not the race, but the color. Black is the dominant color of bogan wear. If you do not have a band T-Shirt, then just wear a black shirt.
- Have confidence in your actions. If your parents are not very happy with your decision as being a bogan, just start off slow. Some people start with the long hair, then the flannel shirt, then the band shirt and the the jeans. This may make the changes less obvious.
- If someone makes fun of you, e.g. calls you a loser because of what you listen to or wear, just ignore them.
- Don't pretend to be a bogan just so you can seem cool. That is not cool and people will find out and you will end up being lonely. If you choose to be a bogan, then be a bogan, but keep your image original.
- Help others. If you are a bogan, help others if they don't know what they're doing. Correct them, but don't be too full on.
- Don't look exactly the same as all the others. try to wear or do something that makes you stand out. e.g. A bracelet or necklace.
Warnings
- Be yourself. Don't give in to peer pressure. If you only become a bogan because everyone else does, then stop. be yourself. Bogans are themselves. And that's a bogan.
- Look out for the posers. Not all bogans are true bogans in their hearts.
Things You'll Need
- Flannel Shirt
- Band T-Shirts
- Black or dark gray torn or worn jeans.
- A leather jacket.
- Desert boots or black sneakers.
- Good collection of music
- Beer. If you're old enough, have a good selection of beers for when your mates come over.
- A guitar. (That you can play) is a good bonus.
- Good quality speakers.
- Drum set.
