Become Heartless

People are often let down by those around them. It is not uncommon that a person might be so overwhelmed by betrayal, disappointment, or other negative emotions that they would rather feel no emotion at all. While being truly emotionless isn’t possible for most healthy people, you can sometimes benefit by appearing to be heartless in certain situations. If you detach yourself emotionally, avoid being too friendly, and put yourself first, people are less likely to take advantage of you or hurt you for their own gain.

Steps

Acting Heartless to Avoid Emotional Pain

1. Let go of your past emotions. The term “emotional debt” is often used to describe emotions that we have never fully healed from and allow to play out repeatedly in our day to day lives. You should be honest with yourself about any past emotions that are still lingering, consciously breaking the patterns that you have developed as a response to those emotions, and step outside your comfort zone. This will allow you to be aware of how past emotions influence you and to move past them.
2. Avoid setting specific expectations. When some experience or person falls short of the expectations you place on them, it hurts. Remove as many expectations as you can from your life, and when you do make an expectation, keep it as broad and undefined as possible. This stops you from subjecting yourself to emotional pain for everything that doesn’t go exactly how you’d like it to.
   • For example, you expecting that today will be warm is much less likely to disappoint than expecting that today will be exactly 73 degrees fahrenheit, breezy, and sunny.
3. Keep yourself busy. Keeping busy is shown to improve contentment. Deliberately choose activities that drive you toward your goals or somehow benefit you. Offering yourself incentives will help justify staying busy.
   • It also allows you to pour your energy into work, working out, cleaning your house, etc., rather than seeking out emotional ties.
4. Keep relationships on your terms. Avoid letting people get too close or control you with promises, pleas, or apologies. Define the types of relationships you want to be in, and have only those relationships. Be in control of how invested you are in any given relationship.
5. Seek professional therapy. If you are overwhelmed by past traumas and cannot seem to let the emotion go, you may need the help of a professional psychologist. Issues like chronic depression or anxiety should not be ignored. Your therapist can help you decide what clinical approaches and/or medications might be appropriate to help you move past your emotional debt.

Acting Heartless to Stop Being Used and Get Ahead

1. Know what you want. It is likely that you already know what you don’t want in your life. What you need to do next is identify your preferences, and then pinpoint exactly what you do want in life. The more clear you desires without reservation, the more effectively you can work toward them.
   • If you know what you want, it is harder for others to convince you to do their bidding. This is crucial both to generating your own success and to stop having your time and energy used by someone else.
2. Communicate your desires. Once you know exactly what you want, it is likely that you’ll have to delegate some things to other people. Communicate exactly what you want and expect to those around you. Do not compromise on your desires.
   • You might have to trade some of your time and talent to get another person to do what you need, but set boundaries and do not let the other person use your desires against you.
3. Say “No” to anything that doesn’t benefit you. When you agree to do things that will not benefit your goals, you are wasting time. Do not give your time away. Engage only in activities that further your personal goals, and politely decline any other requests or invitations.
   • Be direct. Say “No, I cannot (or will not) do that.” If you prefer to add an explanation, such as “I don’t have the time to commit,” that is okay, but not necessary.
   • This can be difficult when are being guilted. Things like charities that you do not support, friends that want your help, and even family that demands too much of your time can be serious hurdles to your success. Say “No.”
4. Consider cooperating with others. Whether you are speaking for yourself or your company, organization, community, etc., it is often hard to accept the fact that you can benefit by working with other human beings, but it’s true. Cooperating with others can be a healthier and more effective way to reach your goals. Make sure that the relationship remains mutually beneficial and that neither party is being used.
5. Contemplate the motives of other people. You will often be asked for help in some way. You should understand why you are being asked and what the other person hopes to gain from asking. Understand why someone wants something from you, and then you can decide if it benefits you in such a way that you’d be willing to do it.

Acting Heartless to Avoid People

1. Avoid small talk. Technology has made avoiding small talk easier than ever. Pretend to take a call, or make it a point to always have headphones in to prevent strangers and acquaintances from engaging. You can also cut the conversation short at anytime with some variation of “I’m too busy to talk.”
   • For example, if your co-worker you at the snack machine, just cut them off with a quick line like “Can’t talk. I have a deadline.”
2. Decline invitations to social gatherings. There is no need to be offensive when you decline. You should, however, make your decision firm and final. If you make up a flimsy excuse as to why you can’t attend, the host/hostess is likely to accommodate you and insist you come.
   • A great way to avoid nearly any event is to say something to the effect of “I’m sorry. I already have other plans.”
3. Refuse to do favors. Favors sometimes feel like chores that you must do. Instead, make saying “No” an option and say it confidently. Again, you do not need to be rude to get your point across.
   • If your friend asks you to house sit, simply say “I’m sorry. That doesn’t work for me.” You can offer an explanation if you’d like, but there is no need for excuses.
4. Consider building a new support system. If you feel like your friends and family are a problem, it might be healthier to build a new support system than to cut yourself off from people. Try meeting new people with similar interests to your own. Look for people who hang out in the same places, work in the same field, or generally like the same things as you do.

Tips

• Take opportunities for yourself without hesitation.
• Stop associating with negative people.
• Do not feel guilty.

Warnings

• Some people may not like that you have become heartless toward them.
• Be prepared for others to treat you cold.

Related Articles

• Be Emotionless
• Deal With Judgments
• Be Antisocial
• Act Cold So He Won't Fall for You
• Discourage Sexual Attention
• Be a Loner
• Cope With Insults

Sources and Citations

See also

• Compromise
• Impress Adults
• Be Social
• Attract an ISTJ Personality
• Respond to Nosy Questions from Others
• Show Someone You Appreciate Them
• Fist Bump
• Ask a Girl to Hang Out
• Impress a Guy
• Relate to an Autistic Person

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• Be Antisocial