Behave In Front of Your Boyfriend's Parents

You and your boyfriend may be spending more time together, and he wants you to get to know his parents. This can be nerve-wracking, as you will likely want to impress them and make them think you are a good match for him. Spending time with your boyfriend’s family may not always be comfortable, but putting your best foot forward will go a long way in keeping relations as friendly as possible. Make a good first impression, have good manners and spend time getting to know his parents through good conversation, and you will be on the road to developing a good relationship with your boyfriend’s parents.

Steps

Meeting His Parents for the First Time

1. Dress nicely. It's important to make a good impression from the first moment they see you. Try to dress in something attractive but modest and comfortable. Do your hair, and apply light makeup if you normally wear it.
   • For a female, an appropriate outfit might be a knee-length or below skirt, or nice jeans with a nice sweater. For a male, a button-down shirt and nice pants might be appropriate. Think about what you might wear to a holiday dinner with your family, and go with a similar look.
   • Choose a hairdo that gets the hair up and away from your face.
2. Greet them warmly. Show you are polite. Upon arrival, shake hands, make eye contact, and greet them with a smile on your face. Say, “Hello, it’s so nice to meet you!” and introduce yourself.
   • Address your boyfriend’s parents by their titles (Mr., Mrs., Dr.) and their surname, unless they have indicated otherwise. You could say, “Mr. and Mrs. Brown, thank you so much for inviting me to your house. Mike has told me so much about you.”
   • Make sure you are making good eye contact when talking to his parents. It conveys confidence and interest.
3. Smile. Smile genuinely and frequently. Don't force your smile, though, or it will look uncomfortable. Try to think of positive things that make you smile, and smile at everyone who speaks to you.
   • Smiling helps you feel happier and more relaxed, as well as helps you appear reliable and sincere.
4. Do your best to relax. It can be stressful meeting someone new for the first time, even moreso someone you want to impress! Take deep breaths and try to be yourself. Remember that it will get easier and you will start to feel more comfortable.
   • Try tensing different parts of your body for 10 seconds and then relaxing them.
   • Breathe deeply into your belly. Breathe through your nose, feel the air fill your abdomen, and exhale through your mouth. Repeat this for a few minutes.
5. Bring a small gift. This is a good idea especially if they are having you over for dinner. It is a nice way of saying thank you for their hospitality. Ask your boyfriend for suggestions. You might want to consider:
   • Flowers or a small plant
   • A box of chocolates
   • A gourmet food item
6. Have good manners. Basic manners, such as “please,” “thank you,” and “excuse me,” go a long way. Good manners help people connect with each other and show others you care about them.
   • If you're invited to eat with them, brush up on your table manners before you go. Make sure you put your napkin in your lap, don’t chew with your mouth open, and ask people to pass out-of-reach food instead of trying to get it yourself.
   • Be sure to say thank you after your meal. For example, “Thanks so much for dinner, Mrs. Flores! That was really good.”

Having Conversations with His Parents

1. Get some background information. Talk to your boyfriend well before the meeting and ask what his parents like and don't like. He should also be able to tell you some favorite subjects you can talk about and topics to steer clear of.
   • Things you might want to find out: Where are his parents from? What kind of work do they do? What do they like to do in their spare time?
   • Make sure you find out conversation topics to avoid in order to prevent a foot-in-mouth moment. For example, you might not want to talk about the expensive cruise your family just went on when your boyfriend’s parents are having money problems.
2. Listen attentively to everyone who speaks to you. Make eye contact and use body language, such as nodding and leaning toward the speaker, to indicate you are interested in what they are saying.
3. Ask questions. Most people love to talk about themselves. Try to get his parents talking by asking about their lives, or to tell you more about their children. Ask them to share a funny story about your boyfriend as a child.
   • Ask open-ended questions. Questions that require more than a yes or no answer are ways to continue the conversation. Try saying, “Tell me more about that” or “What was that like?”
4. Stay out of arguments. If you need to correct his parents on something, be respectful and polite. Don’t act like a know-it-all, and do not engage in an argument.
   • You could say, “I’ve also heard this perspective…” or “You know, I just read about this! The article said.....” which can help take the heat off you while gently offering another perspective.
   • Do not say things like, “You’re wrong,” or “How can you even think that?”
   • Don’t act like a know-it-all. People do not like lectures, they prefer conversations. Make sure you are allowing others to share their opinions, even if you are an expert on a subject.
5. Find things in common. It is easier to talk to people you don’t know well when you have some common ground. See if his parents share any of the same interests as yours, and start a conversation about that.
   • For example, say you and his father are baseball fans. Ask which teams he supports, if he’s been to any games this season, and if there are any players he’s been impressed with this year.
   • Steer clear of controversial topics like politics or religion. Remember that movies, TV, and music are generally easy discussion topics to which everyone can contribute.
6. Talk about yourself. His parents will likely also want to learn about you, too. Share about your childhood, your education, career goals, and family life.
   • Be careful not to overshare. Especially in the early days of your relationship, it’s probably not a good idea to unload on his parents about the problems you have with your family, for example.
7. Be yourself. Remember, your boyfriend is with you because of who you are. Make sure that his family gets to know what makes you so unique, too! While it is important to be polite and respectful to your boyfriend’s family, don’t feel like you need to shove your entire personality in a box whenever you are around them.
   • Share your interests with his family, whether it is your fondness for baking or your unapologetically dorky love for sci-fi movies. Your enthusiasm will help them get to know you better.
   • If you have a good sense of humor, try to make them laugh (with appropriate jokes). If you love children, spend time with his younger cousins. Let his family get to know the real you.
   • If your true personality includes of lots of swear words, make sure you make efforts to stop swearing in front of his family. Many people find swearing unpleasant, and many people also believe it makes a person look less intelligent.

Spending Time with His Family

1. Offer to clean up or help. If they have invited you for a home-cooked meal, offer to do the dishes or help prepare the food. See if there is a side dish or dessert you could bring.
   • Offer to help with family projects. If your boyfriend’s family is outside raking leaves, ask if they need any help. If you are there for a family birthday party, blow up balloons or help set out the snacks.
2. Offer to pay your own way. If his family invites you somewhere, offer to pay your own way. They might not take you up on it, but it is polite to extend the offer.
   • You could also offer to treat for a portion of the outing. You could say, “Thanks so much for taking me ice skating! Could I treat everyone to some hot chocolate?”
   • Be sure to thank them for inviting you and for treating you to the activity. You could say, “Thanks so much for such a fun evening, and thank you for treating me to dinner. I really appreciate it.”
3. Get to know his other family members. Don’t just monopolize your boyfriend. Get to know his siblings, too, or other extended family. It will make spending time with his family more fun if you have built relationships with the rest of his family.
   • For example, if his little sister admires the necklace you made, tell her the next time you come over, you’ll bring your jewelry kit and help her make one.
   • Talk to his older relatives about their lives and memories. Find out from your boyfriend if anyone has interesting stories to tell, and then talk to them. You could say, “Jack told me that you worked for NASA in the 1980s. What did you do? What was that like?”
4. Keep your hands to yourself. No PDA (Public Displays of Affection) in front of his family. Holding his hand is okay, but refrain from doing much beyond that. It’s disrespectful to his family.
   • Make sure your boyfriend keeps his hands off you, too. Before you go into his parents’ house, you could say, “I don’t want to make your parents uncomfortable, so please don’t do anything more than hold my hand, okay?”
5. Respect his family time. Don’t expect to be invited everywhere. Understand that he gets to spend time with them without you, and don’t try to invite yourself to every activity. Let your boyfriend or his parents extend an invitation to you instead.
   • While you may want to be included in his family’s holiday plans, respect their wishes if they choose to keep significant others out of their celebrations. Different families have different boundaries around what “family” means.

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Sources and Citations

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• Show Thoughtfulness and Respect for a Parent
• Make Your Mother Happy
• Be Friends with Your Parents
• Be a Good Daughter
• Become the Child Your Parents Always Dreamed Of
• Be a Good Kid
• Make Your Parents Proud of You
• Earn Your Parents' Trust
• Be a Responsible Teenager
• Help Your Busy Mother Out Around the House

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