Cheer a Guy Up
Is your guy in a funk? If he's feeling down, you can learn how to pick him back up again. Learn to make yourself available as a listener, and some creative ways to distract him from what's bothering him.
Contents
Steps
Being a Good Listener
- Stop asking why he's upset. Guys will often need a little bit of time to cool off before they want to talk about what's bothering them. Look at it this way: If he's upset that you've noticed, you know enough. There's not much need to pinpoint it. Make yourself available to listen, but don't try to pry.
- Instead, say you noticed that he was upset. From there, your genuine concern will sometimes make a guy feel comfortable enough to come right out and say what's bothering him.
- It's probably not about you. If it is, you'll probably make it worse by prying into the issue. If you want him to talk about it, give him a chance to cool down a while, and stay calm.
- Talk about other things. If your guy is still clamming up, show that you care and that you're there by talking about other things. Ask questions about your guy's day, talk about your own, and see if he starts to open up.
- Talk about something he likes to talk about. If he's watching a game, give him a chance to rant for a while about what's going on. Show an interest in what he's interested in to help put him at ease. Even if you're not "having the talk," you are.
- Don't be pushy, but read the situation carefully. Some guys just need to be left alone for a few minutes to make the clear blue skies reappear, that's perfectly normal. Others need to vent, and that's also perfectly natural.
- Just be present. Sometimes, you don't need to do anything special to help a guy cheer up but make yourself available. Just be there. Sit with him quietly and be together. Just watch a movie or relax, and let him process his grumpiness on his own. After a bit of silence, he may want to open up.
- Pay attention to his body language, actual words, read the context you're in, and tone. Sometimes, now is just not the time to talk, and silence is a great tool. When there's silence, people feel like breaking the silence. Let him take his time, and let him steer the conversation.
- When he talks, listen closely. If he starts unloading, just sit and listen. Allow him to vent. Once he does that, he'll feel like a huge burden has been lifted which is really half the battle. From here, you'll start to see a change in his mood for the better.
- Once he's expressed the problem, don't try to move on from it too fast. He'll feel like you weren't listening if you hop onto another subject. Acknowledge his words, genuinely, and let him know that you hear him.
- Feeling like someone is listening to you makes you feel validated, and also helps you reflect on your thoughts. Gloomy days can often be caused by chaotic thoughts, and putting your thought into words helps with organizing them.
- Just listen, don't try to fix the problem. Cheering up a guy is a big waiting game, a lot of the time. If you push too hard at trying to do "cheery" things, you're going to make him feel parented, or condescended to. It's not your job to try to fix his problems, or offer the optimistic solution. Just say, "That sounds tough. I'm so sorry."
- If he asks specifically what you think he should do, voice your opinion if you have one. If not, try to suggest someone else that might be a good person to talk to about the issue.
- Don't mother him. If you try to paste over his gloom with excessive cheeriness, you're likely to really turn off some guys. If you don't want to be around it, then go out. Go elsewhere, and leave him alone for a while to stew. Come back when he's more receptive to talking.
Planning Distractions
- Pick something appropriate for your guy and his problem. All guys are different, and all problems require different distractions. For one guy, pro football tickets may be the cure-all for anything, while for others it would be a huge waste of money and time. Likewise,
- If your guy is just grumpy after work and is really tired and hungry, just let him sit and eat for a while before worrying too much about what to do. He'll likely cheer up with a little unwinding time. More activities will likely make the problem worse.
- If something more serious is going on, or if your guy can't seem to find his own way out of the rut, plan something yourself instead of waiting. Don't ask "What do you feel like doing?" a million times until he gets irritated. Instead, just say, "I bought tickets to that movie. We're grabbing pizza before hand. Let's go."
- Encourage him to hang out with his male friends. Your guy's guys may have dealt with his tantrums many more times than you have. Likewise, if he is having problems with your relationship, it may be good for him to get it out with his guy friends, instead of talking to you about it. That's a healthy part of a functional relationship.
- Plan something for him, if possible. Don't tell his friends the nitty gritty of what's exactly is happening to him. Say something vague like "John seems a little down. Want to come over for the game this Sunday?"
- Give him a change of scenery. If the guy doesn't really feel like talking, suggest an activity that gets you out of the house and gets him focused on something else. Even if it's not an activity that he's a huge fan of, like going grocery shopping, it's still good to get the attention focused elsewhere.
- Do some kind of chore you need to do together. Head to the store to pick up a few things and ask if he can come along to help. Don't require it, just ask. Find a good reason for him to come, like that you need help picking something out. Get his mind busy.
- Try little things, like going for a walk, or getting ice-cream. Even just seeing if there's anything fun on TV can be some kind of distraction. Cue up a dumb meme or puppy vid from the Internet, if necessary.
- Try a hug. A little physical contact is extremely useful in helping to cheer someone up. Hugs stimulate the release of oxytocin in the brain, which promotes contentment and reduces anxiety and stress. A little physical contact can go a long way.
- Warm touches to the upper back, and arm, are automatic charmers. It'll help ease the tension, and trigger endorphins to release, which ultimately will put him more at ease. If you're a couple and want to do more? Up to you.
- As grumpy as some men are on the outside, they want to be comforted and tended to, both emotionally and physically. If you know him well enough, you'll know what he likes, and what he doesn't.
- Get him his favorite food to cheer him up. You know what they say about guys and their stomachs. If he loves chocolate-bacon, go get some at the store and surprise him. If you're tight on cash, whip up his favorite meal. Here are some useful dude-food meal options:
- Play video games with him. Is your guy a gamer? If you express an honest interest in something that he loves, he'll appreciate it a lot. Playing video games with him may help him to get his mind off his problems, even if it's just for a while, and help bring you closer together. You might even let him win a round or two.
- If your guy isn't a gamer, pick something that the loves and do it together. He's obsessed with horror flicks, or baseball games? Sit through one and daydream. It'll mean a lot to him.
- Improvise. Cheering someone up is hard work, and not everyone reacts to it the same way. In general, it's good to just give it time, and tailor your approach to the specific guy and situation. Nobody's happy-go-lucky all the time, that's just the way it is.
Related Articles
- Cheer Someone Up
- Cheer Up
- Cheer Up a Friend After a Breakup
- Cheer Up Your Boyfriend
- Cheer up a Woman
