Come Out to Your Best Friend Without Giving Her the Wrong Idea
Are you a lesbian who wants to tell your best friend that you are a lesbian without her thinking that you like her in a way that is totally outside the boundaries of friendship? Read on.
Contents
Steps
- Ask your friend to meet you someplace. Call her up, send her a text on her cell, email her, or ask her to meet you in person. Say this or something similar to this: "Jessica, can you meet me at the coffee shop on Belmont tomorrow after you get off work?"
- Give her a moment to settle in. When she arrives, ask her to sit down. It is better to tell a secret to her when you both are sitting down. It will settle down the moment.
- Talk about simple things first. Just make a little small talk to let her know that all is well between you. Caution: don't go on like this for two hours. The entire time, she will be biting her nails, wondering what you needed to talk to her about. Collect your thoughts for a few moments, then prepare to tell her.
- Come out and say it. Try to be direct without just blurting it out so bluntly that she feels she was hit with a sledgehammer. You can say something like, "So, Jess, we've been friends for a while now, and you know you're my best friend. Would it change your feelings about me to know that I'm gay?" Or you could try asking a question: "Jessica, what if I told you a really big secret?" Of course she will want to know, so, give a big sigh to yourself and then say "Well, what if I told you I am not attracted to guys, but instead I am to girls?"
- Tell her about your crush. Once she's over the idea of you being a lesbian to begin with, tell her about the girl you are attracted to. Make sure she knows it is someone else, not her, but do be careful here - you don't want to make your friend feel she isn't attractive. You just want her to feel comfortable with you as a friend in light of realizing that you are attracted to women.
- Confide in her about it as she does with you. Be careful not to give her more information than she's comfortable with, especially at first. Don't go into graphic details about your sexual fantasies or experiences, for instance. Let her set the tone about what she wants to know.
- Try not to admit to any attraction you do feel for her. This can be the kiss of death for a straight/lesbian friendship. The time will probably come when you and she will be having a sleepover, and she'll ask in a dreamy voice, "So, what's your "type"? What kind of girls do you like? If I were gay, would you be into me?" Do not be tempted to answer Answer when Your Straight Girlfriend Asks if You (a Lesbian) Are Attracted to Her honestly, no matter what the answer is. Instead, just say, "You are a beautiful girl, and you are my friend. And that's all I'm going to say - we're not going there." If you admit attraction, it may freak her out. If you say she isn't your type, she may be offended and embarrassed. You cannot win this one. Don't try.
Tips
- Coming out is sometimes a little stressful on both of you. Try to be in a place where you can both have some privacy.
- Tell her in a calm, but serious manner.
- Tell her that you were best friends all the time that she didn't know, so nothing's going to change now between you.
- If she thinks you're joking, tell her patiently and calmly but firmly that you are not.
Warnings
- She might freak out, so be prepared.
- She might not want to be your friend anymore for homophobic reasons. Give her time before writing her off. She may just need to adjust.
Related Articles
- Come Out As Gay or Lesbian
- Answer when Your Straight Girlfriend Asks if You (a Lesbian) Are Attracted to Her
- Help Your Bi Friend Come Out
