Tell Someone You Are Bisexual

Coming out is an exciting but difficult milestone, no matter who you are. You're ready to show people your true identity, but you may be worried about what other people think. Explaining to someone that you're bisexual can be even trickier because some people want you to only have one sexual orientation. Luckily, you're not alone — thousands of people have climbed this hill before, and learned a little something along the way.

Steps

  1. Be confident in who you are! If you act unsure of your sexual orientation, people may assume your bisexuality is just a phase, and that you're not sure of your Determine the Sexual Orientation of a Prospect yet. If you beat about the bush, you may give the impression of being ashamed, which may prompt your loved ones to try to "help" you overcome your orientation. No one can change if you don't want to change! If you are matter-of-fact about it, they will take it better.
  2. Consider who you want to tell first. It is usually easiest to tell someone you know will be supportive, like your close friends or parents. This will help build the confidence you will need to tell the rest of the world.
  3. Carefully consider telling your parent(s) at this time. If you are fully dependent on your parent(s) and you aren't sure they will accept you and be supportive, you may want to consider not telling them until you are no longer dependent upon them.
  4. Consider that many people do not have a clear understanding of what it means to be bisexual. Some people may think that you are just trying to get attention or that you are gay, but unwilling to admit it. A good way to counteract this is to say "I'm attracted to people, not to genders." Be very clear about who you are, what you mean, and why you are telling them.
  5. Be calm and rational; be sure of what you are saying and explain that this is simply who you are, and knowing who you are makes you happy.
  6. Be proud of who you are; your sexual orientation is never something to be ashamed of- it is only one tiny part of all the character that makes you who you are.

Tips

  • If people make stupid comments, hold your head up high and ask them why they think that, or that you appreciate their concern but you are comfortable with who you are. People who make that kind of comment usually don't have an intelligent reason for doing so.
  • Don't use phrases like "I'm not gay". That just reinforces the notion that you are partially in the closet. Instead, stick with affirmative statements like, "Since I've realized this about myself, I feel much happier and more confident. I don't know who I will end up with long-term, if I do end up in a long-term relationship, but knowing who I am makes it easier for me to be open to the possibilities."
  • Try to make it seem like it isn't such a bad thing to your friends. Some people prefer to make a small joke out of it. The only problem with this, however, is that your friends might start to believe that you are only saying that you are bisexual to have a laugh. Be serious at the same time that you make the joke - this says to your friends that you're not touchy about it, but at the same time, you are actually telling the truth.
  • Try to make as little a deal of it as possible, treating the subject as commonplace, (which will encourage a calm reaction) and suggest that you're comfortable with your sexual orientation.
  • Smile when you mention it in the future. It makes you look confident, and as if it's not so much of a big deal. This will encourage your friends to think that it's not a big thing, and so they hopefully won't treat you too differently.
  • Take a breath and say it clearly and firmly. It's better than mumbling and skirting the issue. Think about it this way: is it a huge deal that you have a heterosexual friend?
  • If you're comfortable enough to joke about things, go ahead! It helps your friends more easily assimilate the fact of your sexuality into the culture of your group of friends.
  • If you realize that you were wrong about your sexuality in the past, it's perfectly okay. If you came out before, try saying something like "I've realized that I like both, not only (gender b). I thought that I was only attracted to (gender b) because any attraction to my own gender made me believe that was the only thing I would be interested in. It's not." This may help people to understand your goal in coming out (again).
  • Calmly drop it into a conversation with other commonplace facts about yourself if it's merely an acquaintance. Sentences like: "Well, as a 32-year-old bisexual man I think that...." are perfect, as you move quickly off the topic onto something else.
  • Don't be hostile or touchy when somebody mentions it. Otherwise it'll just look like you're embarrassed.
  • Don't be scared to come out because if you don't tell anyone then you will never be truly happy inside!
  • Don't be afraid to tell your friends; if they don't accept it they are not really your friends.
  • Know for sure who you are and how you feel. Sometimes feelings are feelings and feelings pass. Give it time, and once you feel sure of yourself, go ahead and tell your most trusted friend or family member.
  • For your own safety, consider - when coming out to your parents - whether they will be accepting of you or not.

Warnings

  • Some of your friends may freak out at first, perhaps thinking that you're attracted to them. Explain gently that friends are friends, and just because you're attracted to the same sex doesn't mean that you're attracted to everyone of the same sex, just as straight people aren't attracted to everyone of the opposite sex.
  • Not all people are open-minded. There will be people who will be prejudiced against you, but don't let that stop you. What they think is less important in your personal life than you and your feelings.

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