Conceal Your Farting in Public

We've all done it: Farted in public. It's natural, and sometimes it can't be avoided. However, it's embarrassing to most people. There are ways to hide the smell, reduce the chances you'll get blamed, and muffle the sound.

Steps

Reducing the Chances You’re Blamed

1. Get on the move. This is known as “crop dusting.” If you’ve farted in public – and you just really couldn’t help it – leave.
   • Even if you have to stay in the room you’re in, you could move around the room. People aren’t as likely to realize you were the one who farted if most of the smell is where you’re not.
   • If you feel a fart coming on, release it while you’re in the process of walking so the smell diffuses over a greater space.
   • It would be even better to walk outside if you know you are about to fart. If you can leave the room entirely after you fart inside it, that’s good too.
2. Drown out the smell. Do whatever you can to camouflage or reduce the smell if you’ve already farted in public.
   • Spritz yourself with perfume if you have some in your purse (or cologne if you’re a man). Some restaurant and hotel restrooms offer perfume for their customers. Spray deodorant works too.
   • Pull out scented hand moisturizer, and casually apply it to your hands. You will look less like the culprit if you’re busy doing something nonchalantly, and it will smell good too.
   • Even hairspray can help camouflage the smell if you don’t have any perfume or cologne that you can use.
3. Walk somewhere that smells bad. One of the best ways to camouflage a public fart, is to fart somewhere that already smells bad.
   • For example, let’s say you’re in the grocery store when you have to fart. Head for the seafood or fish aisle!
   • Another good location to fart is in the area around trash cans. People might mistake the smell as coming from the trash can, not you.
   • Bathrooms are the obvious place to fart if you’re in public and can control where it comes out. People don’t generally expect bathrooms to smell good.
4. Fart while in couple. It’s harder to just walk away to fart if you’re with a significant other on a date. You may want to hide the fact you have to fart altogether.
   • Walk behind the person before you let it out. This is essentially the “crop dusting” technique, but it will disburse the smell behind and away from your partner.
   • Let it out before you open the car door for the person. That means the smell will be disbursed outside rather than inside the enclosed vehicle.
   • Excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. They will probably think you really have to go to the bathroom, not that you are leaving to fart.
5. Clench your glutes. You might be able to weaken and silence your fart if you make the right moves with your butt when you feel it coming on. Sitting down will also help.
   • Tighten your Gluteus Muscle Workouts muscles as tightly as you can. If you do this maneuver long enough you should find the fart weakening. Fart into a pillow or something else soft to muffle the sound of the fart.
   • Pulling your butt cheeks slightly apart can also diffuse the strength of the fart. It would be hard to do this without someone seeing, but you might be able to pull it off quickly behind a wall or in the bathroom.
   • Letting a little bit of the fart out at a time will also make the fart smaller and less obvious. Do this every 30 seconds until the fart is out. Take care that you don't "shart." This means small involuntary defecation that occurs while farting. You can prevent it by evacuating your bowels fully each time you go to the bathroom.

Putting the Blame Elsewhere

1. Blame someone else. You won’t be able to prove that someone else farted, but there are ways that you can raise suspicion that it was another person, not you.
   • Use the rule of three or more. This means that you should only let the fart out when you’re standing in a group of three or more people.
   • That’s because it will be easier to diffuse the blame and harder for people to tell who did it with a larger group. The key here is to let out the fart as silently as you can. You could blame someone directly or just indicate you’re disgusted by the smell and question who did it.
   • Don’t react until others start to do so, though. When you see them sniffing the area and starting to realize someone has farted, that’s your chance. Act disgusted by the smell, and point it out only after someone else has started to do so. If you blame another person too fast you might identify yourself as the farter following the old adage “whomever smelt it, dealt it.”
2. Stand by the right person. This might sound terrible, but if you want people to think the farter was someone else, choose the right person to stand near.
   • For example, babies and toddlers can’t talk to deny they did it, and most people wouldn’t be surprised if a baby or toddler let out a little gas.
   • A person who is dressed in dirty clothing or who doesn’t always have the best hygiene would be another good choice.
   • Senior citizens and pets can also make good patsies, but it’s really not very nice to blame grandma for something you did.
3. Own up. You might actually gain points if you just confess, and admit that you’re the one who stunk up the room.
   • Apologize and then act as if it’s a normal thing to do. People will probably laugh or act a little uncomfortable, and then they will forget it.
   • You could refer to a cartoon character like Peter Griffin in the Family Guy, who has been known to fart in public before.
   • Just say, “Yeah, yeah, it was me. I’m really sorry. I tried to stop it, but it clearly didn’t work.” Almost everyone can relate. We’ve all been there.

Using Noise to Hide a Fart

1. Fart in an elevator. The worst possible place to fart (other than inside a car) is inside an elevator. If you feel the need, there are ways you can reduce the problem.
   • Hold it until the elevator door opens. The good part is that the elevator doors will make noise when they open and close.
   • Secondarily, new people will come into the elevator when the door opens, and other people will go out.
   • Thus, the new people might blame the farting on one of the people who just left the elevator (and you can blame them too without them being there to deny it). It’s often best, though, to just remain silent because there will be so many suspects no one will know whom to blame anyway.
2. Wait for something noisy. If you’re afraid the fart will be loud, wait for something naturally noisy before you let it rip.
   • For example, if you’re in a movie theater, wait until there’s a particularly loud sound effect on the screen.
   • In a restaurant, wait for the clattering of dishes or the loud talking of a couple about to walk past your table.
   • At a family event, wait for the music or someone to make a loud toast or laughter from a joke.
3. Make noise yourself. Rather than waiting for other people to make noise, you can make noise yourself right as you are about to fart.
   • Cough loudly right as you are about to fart. In fact, cough several times as if you are in a coughing fit, and then reach for a glass of water.
   • Move your chair loudly so that it rubs along the floor or makes noise. If you’re sitting on vinyl move your body so your legs create a rubbing sound on the chair. Pretend the fart is the sound of your chair squeaking.
   • Start singing if the occasion allows for it, start talking a lot and loudly, sneeze, or rattle a dish.
4. Reduce gas in the first place. If you’re worried about public flatulence, there are steps you can take to reduce gas before you go out into public.
   • A dash of cayenne pepper sprinkled into a glass of water is supposed to reduce gas. Ginger can help too. Eating and drinking slowly, avoiding carbonated beverages, avoiding smoking, and using antacids can also help.
   • Don’t chew gum. It can cause gas buildup. Avoid foods known for causing gas, such as beans. Gas is caused when your digestive system has a hard time breaking down certain foods into energy and waste.
   • Milk and dairy products, starches like pasta and potatoes, some fruits (prunes, peaches, apricots), some vegetables (cauliflower, peas, Brussel sprouts, asparagus) and some grains (wheat and oat brain) cause flatulence.

Tips

• Know that it is natural. Farting is normal, and, contrary to the popular belief, girls fart too.
• Don't be the first person to question the noise.

Warnings

• Silent farts normally smell more.
• Wash your hands if required.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Hold in Your Poop in Embarrassing Situations
• Burp
• Act Like You Didn't Fart
• Stop Your Stomach from Growling Loudly in Class
• Suppress an Erection
• Hide an Erection
• Be Comfortable Urinating in Front of People
• Fart Quietly
• Stop Picking Your Nose
• Cover up a Fart in High School Settings

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What links here

• Catch a Girl's Eye
• Cover up a Fart in High School Settings