Convince Your Parents That You Are Old Enough to Date

For some parents, the idea of their children dating is a scary prospect. It indicates a transition from being a child, into being a more mature young adult. Because of this, it’s not uncommon for parents to prevent their children from dating because they don’t believe they are old or mature enough.[1] Many times this fear stems from a fear that their child will become intimate too early in life, or that they will lose focus on important things, like school, hobbies, or sports. As a child of a parent who thinks this way, it can be incredibly frustrating and unfair. Luckily, there are a couple of things you can do to convince your parents you’re old enough to date.

Steps

Proving That You’re Mature

  1. Take care of responsibilities, like chores, without being asked. If your parents have to constantly remind you to do your chores, they may not think that you’re responsible enough to start going on dates. When you’re dating, it’s important that you make responsible decisions and prioritize what’s important, because the choices you make when you’re young can impact the rest of your life.[2]
    • Maintaining a clean room and helping with the dishes or laundry is a great way to get on your parent’s good side.
    • Taking care of a household pet by walking it or feeding it is another way to show you’re responsible.[3]
  2. Maintain good grades in school. Some parents believe that dating is a distraction from school. If your aren’t maintaining good grades, then this may be the reason you’re not allowed to date. Social factors actually do affect academic performance, so stay on top of your studies.[4] Make sure to not skip class and do your homework so you can maintain a good GPA.
    • Put school as a priority over your social life, if you’re struggling with your grades.
    • Get a good night's rest before you have to go to school, so you’re sharp during the school day.
    • If you’re still having trouble with a subject, consider getting a tutor to help you.
  3. Treat everyone in the family well and don’t be hot tempered. Even though it may feel frustrating that you can’t date, it’s important that you keep your cool. Don’t yell or say hurtful things to your parents or other family members.
    • If you have younger siblings, make sure to be a role model and don’t bully them.
    • If you feel yourself getting mad, take a step back and revisit the conversation later.
    • Being more kind will not only be appreciated by your family, it will also make you feel better emotionally.[5]
  4. Get a weekend job if you’re old enough. If you’re working and can afford to buy your own things, this will be a sign to your parents that you’re old enough to date. When you can afford to buy your own movie or concert tickets, it also makes it easier to plan a date because you don’t have to ask your parents for money.
    • Some good jobs for young people include working at a restaurant, working in retail, being a camp counselor, tutoring, or baby sitting.
    • Look at online job boards to see local openings.
    • Talk to your parents about your desire to get a job before you start applying.
    • Remember to figure out reliable transportation to and from your job.
  5. Stay truthful and abide by your parent’s rules. If you can’t follow your parent’s rules while they are around, it’s unlikely that they will trust you. Lying is also another way to get your parents to distrust you, so make sure to tell them the truth, even when you’re breaking one of their rules.[6]
    • Dating behind your parent’s back may hurt your chances to date people in the long run.
  6. Improve in school in exchange for dating privileges. A good way to negotiate with your parents, and show them that you’re mature, is to offer them something in return for the ability to go on dates. Set a goal you know is achievable and say “I will raise my grade in science, if you let me date.”
    • It might take a long time for your parents to see results in your grades. Have patience and bring it up during report card time.
    • If you keep getting in trouble in school, promise to improve your behavior and aim to be more respectful to teachers and other students.
    • You can improve other things in exchange for dating privileges, such as promising to wake up for school on time or being nicer to your brothers and sisters.
    • You can’t just do something positive once and then forget about it. If you want to be able to date, you need to maintain it over the long run.

Compromising With Your Parents

  1. Talk to your parents about a curfew and stick to it. Your parents might be worried that you’ll be coming home too late if you are dating.[7] Make sure to negotiate a reasonable curfew with them to ease their minds at the prospect of dating.
    • Don’t bring up the conversation after you’ve come home late.
    • You can say “I’m going out, but my homework is done and I promise to be home by 9 p.m.”
    • If you’ve broken curfew in the past, the only way to build trust back is to stick to it in the future.
  2. Talk to your parents about physical boundaries. One of the greatest fears for many parents is that their children will become physically intimate too early in life. Talk to your parents about what is acceptable under their rules in regards to kissing, holding hands, and sex. Assure them that you’re responsible enough to make the right decisions, and ask them any questions you might have. Don’t rely on TV, the internet, or friends for advice around this because the advice they give can often be inaccurate or misguided.[8]
    • You can say “I know you’re worried about me getting physical with someone, but I’m way too young for that and I think it’s gross. I just like this person and want to spend time with them.”
    • If you talk to your parents about physical boundaries and show that you agree with them, they may allow you to date.
    • Don’t just talk about sticking to the rules, make it a point to prove it to them through actions over time.
  3. Set limits on the time you spend with the person you’re dating. If your parents think that dating someone will occupy too much of your time and take your focus off studies, then make sure to have an in depth conversation with them about setting limits. Stick to the limitations you set yourself by getting off the phone early, or only agreeing to go on one date a week. If your parents say “I don’t want you dating because it’ll take too much time from your studies,” respond by saying “I have some free social time each week, and I’ll make sure not to monopolize my time with this person. I just want to go out and have a good time, but my responsibilities and school is my top priority.”
    • You can start by setting limits on how much you talk or socialize with your friends to prove to your parents that you can do it.
    • Remember to discuss this with the person you’re dating as well.
  4. Ask your parents if you can go on date during the daytime. Your parents may not like the idea of you being out late, and this could be a reason why they prevent you from dating. Instead of going on a date later in the night, try asking them if it’s okay that you go to the park or museum during the day.
    • It’s easier to go on daytime dates during the weekend, when you don't have school.
    • Other daytime date ideas include the mall, a matinee, a hike, or a trip to a community garden.
  5. Go to a public place for your date. Going to a public place for your date is not only more fun, but it will ease parental concerns about intimacy between you and your date. If your parents are restricting you from dating because you’ll be alone with the person, reassure them by telling them you’re going to a public place and won’t have time or space to be alone.
    • If your parents say “I don’t want you alone with them,” you can respond by saying “We will be in a public place the entire time, and won’t have to be alone in a room unsupervised. I’m just trying to have fun with this person, not be physical.”
    • Being alone with your date in their room or house unsupervised may bring up concerns about sex.
    • A music concert, a play, or amusement park are a ton of fun and in public places.
  6. Go out on group dates instead of individual ones. Hanging out with a bunch of friends doesn’t seem as serious as an exclusive date, but you’ll still have the opportunity to spend time with the person you like.
    • You can all go to the movies, a restaurant to eat, or to the bowling alley.
    • Going out with friends you’ve made in the past will make your parents feel more comfortable.
  7. Text your parents every hour to let them know you’re okay. Although it may be tedious and embarrassing, this is a good way to compromise with your parents. Once they start letting you go on dates, you can have a conversation about limiting the texting.
    • Say “I want to go on a date, but I promise to keep you informed and in the loop so you know everything is okay.”
    • The more that you go out without parental supervision, the more that they will trust that you can handle yourself.
  8. Ask your parents if they can drive you to the date. Some parents don’t like the idea of their child in the car with an inexperienced driver.[9] Other parents may not believe that you’re telling the truth about your destination, so they will prevent you from catching a ride with your friend. A great way to get around this is to have them drive you and pick you up on the date.
    • Allowing your parents to drive you will ease their mind about where you’re going, or what you’re doing.
    • If your parents can’t or won’t drive, ask them if it’s okay for another parent to drive you.

Introducing Your Date To Your Parents

  1. Make sure this person is worth introducing to your parents. If you’ve had trouble convincing your parents to let you date, you want the first person you introduce to them to be worth it. Think hard about how much you like this person and if it’s worth it to try to date them. If you think you’d be embarrassed by them, it’s a good sign they aren’t the right one.
    • Being able to move on from a person you know isn’t the right fit is a sign of maturity.
    • Make sure that you want to date the person, instead of being infatuated with the idea of being in a relationship.
  2. Talk about your date before you introduce them to your parents. You can subconsciously make a good impression on your potential date before your parents even have a chance to meet them.[10] Talk about your date’s achievements and other things that are positive about them.
    • Try to think about what your parents like. If they like good grades, saying something like “I know this person in school, and they are great at math and English.”
    • Don’t talk about your date getting in trouble or doing bad things.
  3. Introduce your potential date as a friend at first. Your parents might be more accepting to you dating a person that they know and trust. Dating a friend will also show your parents that you actually like the person, instead of just being obsessed with the idea of dating.
    • Introducing your future date among a group of friends is a good way to start off.
    • Introducing your date at a public place may ease tensions.[11]
  4. Prepare your date for your parents possible reactions. If your parents are stern and overprotective, it’s a good idea to let your date know so they can prepare themselves. Never surprise your date with an unexpected meeting from your family because it could damage the relationship.
    • You can put your date’s mind at ease by saying “This may not go well, but I’ll still like you and want to date you, even if their reactions are bad.”
    • If the introduction goes badly, make sure to call your date later that night.



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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://alphamom.com/parenting/i-let-my-young-teens-date/
  2. ↑ https://www.acpeds.org/the-college-speaks/position-statements/parenting-issues/the-teenage-brain-under-construction
  3. ↑ http://pbskids.org/itsmylife/family/pets/article3.html
  4. ↑ http://unllib.unl.edu/LPP/umar-shaib-aituisi-yakubu-bada.htm
  5. ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/kindness_makes_you_happy_and_happiness_makes_you_kind
  6. ↑ http://pbskids.org/itsmylife/advice/parent_problems4.html#c
  7. ↑ http://www.metroparent.com/daily/parenting/tweens-teens/setting-clear-curfews-teens/
  8. ↑ http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/parents/how-to-talk-to-your-kids/
  9. ↑ https://blog.allstate.com/the-top-fears-parents-have-about-teen-drivers/
  10. ↑ http://www.hercampus.com/life/family-friends/your-boyfriend-meeting-your-parents-how-make-sure-it-goes-well
  11. ↑ http://www.ladylux.com/articles/When-to-Introduce-a-New-Boyfriend-to-Everyone/
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