Convince Your Parents to Let You Go on a Trip Without Them

There are a variety of occasions when you might be invited to go on a trip without your parents. Such an event is a big deal and signals that you’re maturing, becoming more responsible, and on your way to becoming an adult. However, your parents might see it differently and may be hesitant to allow you to go. Thus, you may have to work to convince them to let you go on the trip. By laying the groundwork for your request, gathering information about the trip, and timing the conversation appropriately, you’ll stand a bigger chance of gaining their permission.

Steps

Laying the Groundwork for Your Request

  1. Be on your best behavior. The best way to lay the groundwork for your request is to make sure you’ve been on your best behavior for the days and weeks ahead of time. If you’ve behaved well, your parents will have a more positive view of you and may be more likely to grant your request.
    • Do well in school.
    • Obey curfews.
    • Do your chores.
    • Don’t talk back to your parents.[1]
  2. Demonstrate you are responsible. By showing your parents that you are responsible, they’ll be more likely to trust you on your own in the future. Thus, you should make it your policy to always act responsibly so that you can establish yourself as a responsible person in the eyes of your parents.
    • Don’t break the law. For example, don’t engage in underage drinking.
    • Avoid friends who are irresponsible or prone to getting into trouble. For example, if your best friend is constantly breaking curfew or getting arrested, your parents may see you as irresponsible because of the association.[2]
  3. Avoid lying. In addition to responsibility and good behavior, you need to establish a track record as an honest person with your parents. If you’ve lied in the past, your parents won’t be able to trust that you are presenting them with the complete truth about the trip.
    • Tell your parents where you go and who you attend events with. If you tell them you’re sleeping over at a friend’s house, but instead you go to a beach party 100 miles away, and they find out, they’ll won’t trust you in the future.
    • Stay away from what you think are harmless lies. For example, if you’re dating someone who is 3 years older than you, don’t tell your parents that the person is just a grade ahead of you.[3]

Gathering Information About the Trip

  1. Determine the cost. One of the first things your parents will want to know is the cost of the trip. This is important, as what you think is a reasonable and small expense could break your parents’ budget. Thus, you need to know the total cost and have all the specifics written down before you approach your parents. Some costs to consider include:
    • Lodging.
    • Air, train, or other transportation expenses.
    • Money you’ll need for food and incidentals. For example, if you’re going to a weekend concert in the Adirondacks, you may want to buy a t-shirt. This should be factored in.
    • Entertainment expenses, like the cost of a ticket to a concert.[4]
  2. Establish a timeline. Before asking your parents about the trip, make sure you know the detailed timeline of the trip. Without a timeline, your parents won’t feel comfortable giving you permission to go on the trip.
    • Present your parents with a written timeline, detailing when you’ll leave home, when you’ll arrive at your destination, and when you’ll return home.
    • Be able to answer specific questions about the timeline.[4]
  3. Figure out who is in charge. After cost, perhaps the most important thing your parents will want to know is who will be in charge. Without an authority figure or chaperone, your parents may be unlikely to allow you to go on the trip.
    • Establish the chaperone or authority figure as someone who has a good reputation and is trusted. If you’ll be going on a trip with your friend’s family, point out that your friend’s parents are reliable people that your parents have met.
    • If you’re going to an overnight concert or something similar without an adult, point to the most responsible person as an example of someone who will keep the group grounded. For example, if your friend Alex’s 17-year-old sibling who has already been accepted to Harvard is going, tell your parents.
    • If your parents don’t know the adults or the group of kids you intend to travel with, they’ll probably be unlikely to let you go.[5]

Planning the Discussion

  1. Anticipate their perspective. Perhaps the most important way to prepare yourself for the discussion is to make sure you’ve thought about how they will respond. In addition, try to sympathize and emphasize with what you think their initial position will be.
    • Accept that it is legitimate for your parents to worry about you. After doing this, try to think of ways you can respond to their worries. You may, for example, bring up the fact that your super responsible and successful friend is also going on the trip.
    • Understand that if you don’t have a good past track record – if you’ve lied, broken curfew, or gotten into trouble – your parents may be very reluctant to grant your request.
    • Try to think about specific dangers your parents may focus on. For example, if you want to go on a whitewater rafting trip with friends, they may think you’ll fall overboard and hit your head. Anticipate this, research it, and let your parents know you’ve already thought of those problems.[6]
  2. Choose a good time to ask. Timing is one of the most important factors in getting your parents to agree to your request. Thus, make sure you pick the moment you ask carefully.
    • Don’t ask right when your parents get home from work. You won’t know the type of mood they’re in. They could have had a bad day.
    • Try to ask after you’ve done something good or achieved something your parents are proud of. For example, wait until you’ve received your report card that shows you’ve earned all As.
    • Try to ask during a happy, non-stressful time. For example, you might want to ask during the weekend at a family picnic.
    • Never ask after you’ve had a fight with your parents or have gotten in trouble for something.[6]
  3. Be prepared to answer hard questions. You need to be prepared to answer serious questions your parents have about the trip. Without doing proper research, you won't be ready to talk about the trip, and your parents may judge that you are either irresponsible or not serious.
    • If your parents are concerned because the trip will include boys and girls, let them know that you’ll be chaperoned and there will be separate sleeping arrangements.
    • If the trip is expensive, and they can’t fund it, be ready to explain how you’ll pay for it. For example, tell them you’ve saved up several hundred dollars from mowing lawns or babysitting, and you’ll use that money.
    • If your parents are concerned that you’re too young for the type of trip, be ready to respond with examples where you’ve handled a similar level of responsibility.[5]

Pleading Your Case

  1. Explain the trip and why the trip is important. It is really important that you focus on reasons your parents might agree the trip is important, rather than the specific reason you think it is important. Some examples include that:
    • The trip represents an experience you’ll remember for a lifetime. For example, say something like "I think that this trip will be a growing experience for me and will be something I look back to for years."
    • You’ll be left out and isolated from your friend group if you don’t go.
    • The trip will be enriching for you. It may be an experience you haven’t had yet. If you’re going camping in Great Smoky Mountains National Park with friends, focus on how you’ll be experiencing and learning about a unique ecosystem.
  2. Pledge to stay in contact. A great tactic to use is to promise your parents that you’ll stay in regular contact on your trip. This way, even though they won’t be around, they won’t be constantly wondering about where you are and what you’re doing.
    • Tell them you’ll call or text them regularly throughout the day. It’s probably best to agree to any contact regimen that they suggest. If they want to talk to you every three hours, you should probably agree.
    • Assure them you’ll keep your cell phone charged and on you at all times. For example, say "I promise that I will keep my phone charged and on me at all times."
    • Let them know you’ve researched the location and there will be cell phone coverage or some other sort of communication available.[5]
  3. Listen to them. After you’ve explained the trip and why it is important, you need to stop talking and allow your parents to respond. Once they’ve started talking, you need to listen to them. This is important, as you won’t know their response without listening.
    • Don’t cut your parents off.
    • Listen to them instead of answering the response in your mind while they’re talking.
    • Pause before you respond to them. For example, count to three in your head before saying anything.[6]
  4. Respond in a mature way. Even if you don’t like the outcome of their decision, you need to respond in a mature way. By responding appropriately, you’ll show that you are a mature person and may be able to handle trips on your own in the future.
    • Don’t become defensive and act is if their questions are a personal attack.
    • Avoid uttering phrases like “that’s not fair” or “you always say no.”
    • When responding to a point your parents made, start by saying "I understand your concern" and then answer them thoughtfully and respectfully.[6]
  5. Accept their decision. Once they’ve come to a decision, you should accept it with grace and maturity. By accepting their decision, you’ll show that you deserve trust in the future. Perhaps next time they’ll grant your request.
    • Assure them that you respect the decision they’ve made.
    • If they’ve granted your request, thank them and promise them you will keep your word.
    • If they’ve denied your request, tell them you understand the reasons why, and in the future you hope to better address their concerns.
    • Don’t try to go on the trip without their decision. If you do, you’ll likely get in a lot of trouble. You may be grounded, lose your allowance, and be denied similar opportunities in the future.[6]

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=107411
  2. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/todd-kestin/how-teens-become-responsible-adults_b_5811766.html
  3. ↑ http://www.parents.com/kids/development/behavioral/age-by-age-guide-to-lying/
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 http://eguides.teenlife.com/summer/articles/10-tips-for-parents-with-teens-traveling-abroad/
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 5.2 http://www.parentscanada.com/school/tweens/how-to-prepare-tweens-for-their-first-overnight-trip-without-you
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 6.2 6.3 6.4 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/hanaan-rosenthal/advice-for-teens_b_2037523.html
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