Dance Like a Badass at a House Party
You walk into a house, your 12 pack in hand and BFF at your side. You are ready to take some back and shred some serious moves on the kitchen floor. You take a peak at the room where the music is and realize that the ONLY people dancing look like epileptic squids trying to make sense of newly developed limbs. Great, you think, no wonder everyone else is standing around sipping at a beer and keeping a three feet perimeter between themselves and the would be Vanilla Ices of the party -- because it would be damn embarrassing to dance near them, not to mention dangerous.
Then you realize that YOU could be the hero, but how? What could YOU do to reform this party into one badass dance party with one cool super star - you. You have to be careful, though, because the girls in heels have already disgraced the floor by falling all over themselves after drinking one too many types of rum and diets and the boys in skinny jeans have definitely demolished any chance of coolness with their too tight shimmy that makes you fear something very private popping out in the wrong place. This article will give you a good guideline about what to do and (more importantly) what NOT to do to make you stand out on the dance floor.
Steps
- Remember that your image is everything, so is the company you keep. So get you and your bros or sisters and take off the pajamas, uggs, or sweatpants and take the time to put on something not only presentable but slick.
- Memorize the dance scene from The Breakfast Club. Yes, it is from the 80’s, but it’s still cool. More than that, it’s identifiable and you can bet that you may single handedly turn wallflowers into somewhat choreographed slick ricks.
- Make sure there is a circle to dance in. If there isn’t, well, start one.
- Dance in the center of the circle,
- Power fist the heck out of the sing a long songs, because you know there is going to be a lot of them.
- Breakdance, if you think you have the moves. That will never stop being cool.
- Take a look around and absorb the environment. Find that cool rock n roller, because if there isn’t one you shouldn’t be at that party. You know the one - they have smooth written all over them with their slick stride, tattoos, and possibly even a pompadour. Find that guy or girl and dance next to them. Stay away from the kid with yesterday’s pizza chunked down their shirt.
- Wear black. Ladies, its slimming. Guys, it’s mysterious. Enough said.
- Re-visit Pat Benatar’s music videos. Guys, you are going to say you have no idea what that means, and you don’t have to admit it to anyone except yourself. Bottom line - everyone looks awesome after successfully executing the dance sequence of “Love is a Battlefield.”
- Learn to Moonwalk! Check yourself before you wreck yourself - if your version of moon-walking equates to something that resembles a dying anaconda you are not doing it right.
- Keep control of the playlist. It should be eclectic, fast, and cool as hell. That means keep your country love songs out of the mix.
- Do the Kevin Bacon. A lot of the ladies think he was super cool in Footloose.
- Dance like you are at a hardcore show. I hate to tell you this, but that punching the air while squatting thing only makes you look like you have to take an exceptionally large and exceptionally painful dump.
Warnings
- Don't try to act drunk. People can tell, and you'll look anything but cool.
- Don't get so sloppy drunk that you cannot walk let alone dance. News flash: vomit down the front of your custom cut t-shirt is not cool, and neither is falling asleep in a puddle of your own puke.
- Don't wear tall heels. This goes for guys and gals. First of all, disco ended over 30 years ago and second of all - you are drinking and dancing. Enough said.
- Don't be “that guy” or “that girl.” You know what this means. Trying to act overly cool only makes it seem like you fell out of the back of the short bus.
- Don't wear your sunglasses at night. I know you were instructed to dress great and wear black, but this does not include over-sized specs that shield your eyes from the sun.
- Don't hammer time - the pants and the dance were unacceptable in the 80’s and they still are today.
