Get a Guy to Ask You to a Dance As a Preteen

Finding a date to a dance can be really stressful, especially in middle school. Getting the guy you like to ask you can be even more intimidating, but it doesn't have to be. By getting to know him better and then bringing up the dance specifically, you might be able to get the boy you like best to ask you to the dance.

Steps

Getting to Know Him Better

  1. Hang out with him. If you want the boy you like to ask you to an upcoming dance, you have to make sure he knows who you are. If you’re not already friends, start doing some of the same things he does – maybe he’s in chess club or on the debate team or he plays an instrument. Joining one of the clubs or teams he belongs to will give you an opportunity to hang out with him. If you are already friends and spend time together at school, increase the amount of time you spend together by asking him if he wants to hang out after school.[1]
    • Don’t join a club or a team you don’t like just because he’s part of it. You could find something that you enjoy doing and ask him to join you.
    • Before you ask anyone to hang out after school, make sure you check that it’s okay with your parents first.
  2. Talk to him. If you end up in the same club or on the same team, and even if you were already friends, he won’t know that you're interested in him if you don’t talk to him. Ask him about himself and tell him a little bit about yourself. If you’re really nervous about talking to him, you can start a conversation by talking about the activity you’re doing together.[2]
    • For example, you can say something like “Hey, so I’m new to chess club but you seem to be really good at it. How did you learn to play?” Or “I play violin but I always wanted to play guitar. I know that you've been playing for a while. Is it hard to learn?"
    • If you’re already friends and you’re trying to talk about something new, tell him something he doesn’t already know about you. For example, you could tell him about your favorite band or your favorite place to go on vacation.
  3. Talk to his friends. If you’re already friends with one of his friends, tell them that you're interested in him. They will probably tell him that they're friends with you - if he doesn't know already - and mention that you like him.
    • For example, you could say to one of his friends, “You're friends with Jimmy, right? I just joined the band that he's in and I've noticed he's really cool.”
  4. Drop hints. If you’re not comfortable talking to his friends about how you feel, ask one of your friends to talk to him for you. They don't have to come right out and say you want him to ask you to the dance, but they should find a way to tell him you’re interested.
    • If you’re asking one of your friends to talk to him directly, ask them to say something like “Sally has been telling me all about being in chess club with you. She thinks you’re really cool.”[3]

Talking About the Dance

  1. Mention the dance in conversation. Even if you’re spending time with the boy who you want to ask you to the dance, he might still not know that you’re interested in going to the dance at all. Bring it up in casual conversation while you’re talking about something else. This way, he knows that you know that the dance is happening and that you want to go.[4]
    • For example, if you’re talking about things happening at school, you could say something like “Oh, did you hear about the dance that’s happening in a couple of weeks? Do you know how much tickets are?” This way, he knows that you know that the dance is happening, but he also knows that you’re interested in going since you’re asking about the price of tickets.
  2. Ask him if he’s going. It might never have occurred to the boy who you want to go the dance with that he should go. If this is true, he’s not going to ask anyone to the dance, much less you. So ask him if he’s interested in going. You can have this conversation at the same time that you bring the dance up in conversation or you can ask him a few days later.[3]
    • For example, if you're already talking about the dance you could say something like “So you’ve heard about the dance? Have you decided if you’re going?” If it’s a few days after you brought up the dance for the first time you could say something like "So have you thought any more about the dance? Have you decided if you're going?"
  3. Tell him you’ve been imagining going with him. Some boys might be embarrassed to ask you to go to the dance with them because they’re afraid that asking you makes it obvious that they want to go. If you tell him ahead of time that you’ve been imagining going to the dance with him, he’ll know that you want to go with him, and might feel more comfortable asking you out.
    • For example, you could say something like “So I know we kind of talked about the dance a few days ago, and since then I’ve really been thinking about how much fun it would be to go with you. Have you thought about who you want to go with?” This way he knows that you want him to ask you.
  4. Give him some space. Once you’ve brought up the dance and told him you want to go with him, give him a few days to think about. It might turn out that he does want to ask you but needs to gather his courage. Even if he knows you want to go with him, he might still be nervous about asking you.[5]
    • You shouldn’t completely stop talking to him once he knows that you want to go to the dance with him. Still do the things that you’ve been doing together, but don’t ask him every single day if he’s thought about who he wants to ask to the dance.
  5. Don't panic if he doesn't ask. There's a chance that the guy you like might not ask you to the dance. If he doesn't, it will probably hurt, but don't panic. There's no reason you can't ask someone else to go with you or just go with a group of your friends.
  6. Ask him yourself. If he’s really taking his time and the dance is only a few days away, you can always just ask him to go with you! This is an especially good idea if he’s really shy.
    • For example, you can say something like "So we've talked about the dance and it's really getting close, so I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go with me."

Tips

  • He might not ask you, or he might tell you that he’s already asked someone else. That’s okay. Rejection feels terrible, but it’s not the end of the world.

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/common-challenges/making-keeping-friends/8-ways-to-help-your-middle-schooler-connect-with-other-kids#slide-6
  2. ↑ https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/common-challenges/making-keeping-friends/8-ways-to-help-your-middle-schooler-connect-with-other-kids#slide-6
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A8966-2005Feb8_3.html
  4. ↑ https://www.verywell.com/prepare-your-child-for-a-middle-school-dance-3288533
  5. ↑ https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/common-challenges/making-keeping-friends/8-ways-to-help-your-middle-schooler-connect-with-other-kids#slide-7
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