Deal With Being Called Ugly

A lot of people have to deal with the emotional pain of being called "ugly" by others. "Ugly" is a strong word, and the potency of this accusation causes the victim to reflect on the comment every time they see themselves in the mirror, in photos, and in other reflections. Many people labeled as ugly do not know how to deal with the feelings this word raises within them. Taking its meaning very directly and personally, it influences how they look at themselves and how they treat themselves in every aspect of life. After being influenced by a negative comment about personal appearance, many people (especially teenagers) give up on themselves or start to view themselves as "unworthy".

This article gives insight on how to prepare against those who may insult you in this manner, how to deal with it, and how to help others around you overcome this emotional pain or discouragement.

Steps

  1. Know yourself. Everyone is beautiful in their own way so don't let others tell you different! Both internally and externally, we all have our positive and negative attributes. You should know yourself better than anyone else, Keep Strengths from Becoming Weaknesses and weaknesses. You should be proud of who you are, and realize that everyone has flaws, whether they are physical, emotional or mental. Nobody is perfect, and we should all accept that. Nevertheless, we are all great at something, and should focus on building up and relying upon our strengths. If you are determined enough to fix your flaws, it shows that you care about yourself.
  2. Look in the mirror. We may not all be happy with how we look, but we should realise that looks aren't everything. More important are the elements that make us a genuine person. Are we a good person? Do we treat others with Respect Each Other at Home? Do we behave appropriately? If we do, then we truly are amazing people. If you are kind and caring and have a positive attitude, then that is how people will behave with you too.

    Some people do the following to improve their feelings about their looks:
    • Apply makeup. Makeup can cover blemishes such as birthmarks, scars, uneven skin tone, redness, etc. and can change the contours parts of our face and bare skin. It's not for everyone and it's a temporary solution that must be relied upon daily but for many people, it's a helpful option.
    • Accept themselves as they are and perceive their looks as beautiful and natural just as they are without the need to put on makeup. Listen to those who appreciate your looks, not the people who don't.
    • Whatever way you see yourself, it should be a positive way. Smile every time you look in the mirror and be proud of who you are and what you have accomplished.
  3. See the world with a different eye. Look at others and don't judge them by looks, and they won't have a reason to judge you like that either. Judge others by how they act with you. Compliment them when they do a good job, and make them feel better about themselves because they will never forget such kindness. Reach out to others in conversations and through daily reminders to tell them they are all beautiful both inside and out, just how they are because they treat each other with respect and are good people.
  4. Deal with bullies by recognizing their weaknesses for what they are. Bullies (both male and female) seek to hurt others in order to feel better about themselves and to distract themselves from their own insecurities. They look for flaws of others around them and want to point them out or invent them to see your reaction. What you must do? Don't let it bother you! Instead, remember that everyone has flaws, some real - some imaginary, and your perception can be fixed if you don't give up, and some flaws can be fixed. (And that's something the bully opposite you hasn't yet worked out – and may never.)
    • What do bullies hate? If they come up to you and say "You're so ugly", look at them in the eyes (eye contact displays confidence) and say something like: "And who are you to define what ugly is? You don't even know me, so don't judge me. I have a lot of positive attributes, but if you have any genuine suggestions, I would be glad to hear them." The bully will then see that they have had no negative effect on you and they won't continue to bother you because they've met their match – someone who isn't insecure in the way that they are and someone who is happy in their own skin. Once that is clear to them, they will leave you alone.
    • Laugh out loud in their face. "You of all people have the nerve to say that? Look in a mirror. Projection..." This is often literally true. Bullies often insult people on exactly their strong points - someone who's bright will get called stupid, someone good looking will be called ugly. Laughing at them for saying it is a slap-down that can scare them off. Bullies always look for victims who are emotionally vulnerable.
    • Be alert to bullies who give more specifics. Some bullies do not stop at just calling others "ugly.". They give specific reasons, and some of those reasons we cannot control, such as Keep the Skin Free of Blemishes, bodily disfigurement or differences due to conditions or diseases, etc. Some of the nastier (and therefore most insecure and unhappiest) bullies will get deep into personal issues to try to have more effect on you. For example, they may say: "You're so ugly – with your crooked teeth you look like a donkey." This may hurt deeply but you must be strong and say something like: "Well, you see, I'm not related to donkeys in any way. They are animals and we are humans. My teeth are something I am looking towards fixing. I am probably getting braces soon. But I think donkeys are adorable. What's your problem with them? All animals should be loved." This type of answer shows you are strong, and that you don't take it personally. Or just "Are you going to pay for my orthodontist? What entitles you to go around picking on people for something they can't control? Just what do you expect to accomplish?" Put them on the spot.
    • If you're a girl, you can use a feminist tactic. "Since when do I dress up to please you? What have my looks got to do with anything? I don't recall asking you out or anything like that." Or anyone can say "Hey, I'd rather be ugly than rude and cruel. Get out of my face."
  5. Remember that the statement about your appearance may not be true or is a subjective exaggeration. Some negative insults that other point towards you may not even be true, but they are just pointing them out to bother you. Be aware that other people's perceptions of you can be skewed by their own preferences, lifestyle and understandings and the more narrow-minded and ill-informed these people are, the less understanding of difference they will be and the more they strive to see conformity wherever they look. This is skewed vision and doesn't reflect reality but they try to twist things to conform to their view of "how the world should be". You must show them that you are stronger than their taunts and their misinformed view of the way things are. By refusing to show any agreement to their accusations and by Stand Your Ground when Being Insulted, you will turn them off, and they will cease to bother you. When you're showing that you really don't care about what they say, you're not taking it personally; moreover, you're also recognizing internally that the bully has some very weird ideas about the world that cannot and do not apply beyond their own head space.
    • Often the Prevent Being Bullied will give up on you after you've responded strongly, but they will move on to others. Seek to help others stand up for themselves too and eventually the bullies will stop bothering them.
  6. Turn accusations of being overweight into quests for suggestions. If a bully comes to you and says that you are overweight, most people do not know how to answer and take it personally; after enough times of hearing this, it's all too easy to slip into a state of anxiety or to even become depressed. However, try a little flattery to turn the tables back on the bully, who is undoubtedly very proud of their own appearance or they'd not feel safe enough to make such a comment. As such, a good answer might be: "I do not see myself as fat, but I will note that I have to get back on track with a good diet to ensure I remain healthy and toned. You seem to be in good shape yourself, so do you have any suggestions?" This kind of answer is one a bully isn't going to like because it draws attention to their own weight and it also shows that you've just turned the insult into a probe for help.
    • Never be afraid to actually say what is on your mind, as with this diet example. Just don't use bad language with the bully or get tearful, because that sort of reaction shows them that you're upset, which is what they want. By telling them about the diet situation, they will not bother you because they see you're well aware and that you're already taking precautions and that if they don't stop making comments, you'll keep asking them for advice!
  7. Be strong and show others like you how to stand up to crass insults. When you ignore the bullies and don't take it personally (after all, keep reminding yourself: Who are they to judge?), you are showing others that you are a strong person. Others will look up to you when you stand up for yourself and in doing this, others will see you as inspiration and will admire your strength. You will be able to influence so many more people if you display your strength, because your resilience, determination and ability to overcome the rudeness of others will be some of your greatest attributes. Showing others that you don't take rude comments and insults personally will give them hope to do the very same. Moreover, it may help to make you feel so much better about yourself knowing you made a difference in someone's life – an achievement to cherish.
    • Sometimes being strong can be hard because you can't help but thinking about that comment every time you look in the mirror or see differences in how your peers look. Ignoring these hurtful comments is certainly not that easy to do, especially if you start asking yourself "What if they were right?". To stay strong and not take on board what the bully says personally, try these tips:
      • Look in the mirror and list the beautiful things about yourself quietly in your head.
      • Laugh at the bully every time you look at the mirror. Don't even take the insult personally. Think: "Who were they to judge me? Look at them now, they left with nothing, but I was a good person to turn them around without hurting them. After all, they have flaws too, but I am not willing to stoop so low as to point them out."
      • Smile at each achievement you have, and review them (like writing a great article on wikiHow, getting 100 percent on a test, improving your grades, meeting a tough deadline, keeping to your diet, etc.).
      • Think positively for everything you encounter in life. Take the time to appreciate all the beauty around you. Look in the mirror and say " I am beautiful. I don't care what anyone says, because I believe in myself".
      • Remember the benefits: If you show that you are a strong person, then everyone around you will realise, and you can reap the benefits. You will be a role model and many people will look up to you, which is an ultimate achievement.
  8. Stay True. If there is an aspect about yourself that you personally feel could be improved through effort, determination and sometimes through other forms of intervention, make a deal with yourself to do what can be done to help your own feelings. Our appearance does play an important part in our overall psychological well-being and if you have the ability to make beneficial changes over which you do have control, then set goals and work toward them.
    • For example, if you're worried about your weight, and you set a goal, you must keep that goal and encourage yourself to keep it. Reward yourself if you lose a pound, or reach the end of your goal.
  9. Just love yourself for who you are, and everything will be fine. Nobody can define what pretty, normal or beautiful are. There is a reason for why the saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" resonates so strongly; often it is only in those who accept us for who we are that we find genuine and true connections throughout life. As long as you have good hygiene, care for yourself and are happy with who you are, and are always caring for yourself with determination, then that is all the support you need. As long as you are also a good friend to others, you know they will also always be there to support you too.
  10. Be confident in all that you do. If you are confident, and have your head held up high, you are the one that stands above all that negativity from bullies that were weighing you down. If you don't let the bad messages get to your mind, then you will be fine. True beauty lies within, and everyone should remember that.
  11. Offer to help. You should also offer to help others who are in the same situation as you have been. Offer support and perhaps even advice (if it's wanted) and share some of the good answers that worked for you when people sought to bring you down. Help others going through what you've experienced to get where you are, a strong and caring individual. Take the time to get to know them and their situation, and let them know they have a friend. One great thing you can offer someone is the power of love, friendship and support. We all have to face challenges without the support we deserve – seek to change that reality for at least some people out there, for the ones who find it hard to make friends as easily. It doesn't mean that they are loners but what you can do is get close to them and help them out. Lend them a helping hand when they need one. This is what being a good citizen is all about. Also remember love yourself for who you are, never doubt it.



Tips

  • Don't worry. People who call other people ugly have often problems with themselves. But don't let them take control of your life, you're a person and no one is perfect. There is no such thing as perfect.
  • Remember you're human. And all humans deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.
  • Use humor. If someone calls you ugly, say something back like: yeah, that's no problem, you're not my type anyway.
  • Always consider the source. If you know your bully is infamous for picking on people or generally just being rude, don't even waste your time and energy. Nothing they say can ever really be constructive or build your self-image.
  • Practice taking care of yourself to feel more confident, such as taking time in the morning to make your hair look nice, dressing in clean and well cared for clothes, and have good hygiene (take showers, put on deodorant, wear a little perfume and shave, etc.). Being called "ugly" is different from being called "not well taken care of" or "unkempt". Take responsibility for your image, for things that you can change.
  • Do not go up to ask your friends "Do you think I am pretty?" If you don't see yourself as pretty, you shouldn't go and ask others. You are the first person who should make an opinion on yourself. Remember that if you need to ask or you need confirmation, then the answer is likely to be one you don't want to hear (it can also turn into "badgering" people, which is annoying). Concentrate instead on looking for the positive in everything you do and experience and on truly knowing the answers for yourself rather than having to ask others for their opinion.
  • You cannot change some flaws (such as a sickness) but there are some aspects of yourself that you can change or maintain in a good way, such as your attitude towards others, and your self presentation. Be clean and neat and be nice to others. If you aren't, those are flaws that can be prevented, so you should try your best to have a positive attitude and lend a helping hand.
  • Don't be rude with a bully or swear; to do so is just giving them what they want. Instead, fight with niceness and compassion, which will turn them off.
  • Never say never. Don't be shy to take a change, because anyone can make a change.
  • Take action and spread the message (use sites like Facebook, blogs, make supportive comments on places like wikiHow). Active real time ways of spreading the message include giving speeches or starting clubs at school, college, work or from home.
  • Teamwork is often better when facing adversity, so it is good to talk to others to overcome any stressful comment you have.
  • Raise awareness. Maybe make a t-shirt saying "We all have flaws. My strength ain't one of them." or "Nobody's perfect, but I am perfectly capable of anything" or "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". There are also many other catchy phrases like this. Soon enough, a lot of people will be using these shirts, or you can make a bracelet with the same words on it.

Warnings

  • Don't believe everything a bully tells you. People get conditioned to assume any negative comment must be true and any compliment must be self-interested, manipulative or just untrue. If both your friends and enemies agree on something, it's probably true. When they don't, it's important to disbelieve the negatives. Very often they come from projection.
  • Remember that all bullies want out of you is a reaction. If you make a huge deal out of it or cry then the bully would have seen that it had gotten to you. Therefore they perceive you as an easy target to go for and will continue to bully you. The less you say the better.
  • It's very common for good looking kids to be called ugly and intelligent kids to be called stupid. Insulting people about their strong points makes a huge impact because they probably rely on those strengths and work at them. So pay attention to neutral and positive comments more than insults. Someone who calls you ugly to your face does not mean you well and is not looking to help you in any way.
  • Show that you are better than the bully, so don't stoop to their level by being rude or tricky. Fight hatred with love, and kindness.
  • Do not swear at the bully or introduce conflict. It may feel easier or more fulfilling initially to fight back and to turn it into a hate fest but that will only cause your bullying companion to keep at you. Resist being aggressive or nasty and introduce some sweetness and light into their otherwise nasty day instead.
  • Appearances aren't even appearances. People respond much more to social signals like goth clothing or other subculture attire and hair styles than to physical reality. This set of assumptions will do a lot in itself to change people's perceptions of you. So dress well to the reality of your build and express your real interests in life.

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