Deal With Boys Who Are Obsessed With Your Boobs

Boys can be unduly interested in breasts, and a lot of girls don't want that kind of attention. If you're becoming uncomfortable with male attention to your chest in general or in specific situations, such as at work, school, or in other areas of your personal life, you have several options for redirecting or deterring their interest.

Steps

Dealing with Boys at Work or School

  1. Walk away from the situation. If a boy is bothering you, calling you names, or trying to touch you, probably the best thing you can do is to walk away from the situation, which may be more difficult to do than fighting back. He will thrive on getting a reaction out of you, and if you don’t give it to him, he will eventually get bored and hopefully leave you alone.[1]
    • If you are feeling upset by something he did or said, consider visiting your guidance counselor to discuss what happened. Not only will this give you someone you can trust to talk about it, they may also talk to the boy directly, informing him of the consequences of such behavior.
  2. Ask the person bothering you to stop. It may be that the boy who is being inappropriate thinks he is giving you a compliment, or that he is just trying to be funny. He may not realize that what he is saying/doing is inappropriate, and that it truly does bother you. Therefore, you should approach him, and politely ask him to stop.[2]
    • Try to approach him when he is by himself, if he is with a group of friends, he is more likely to respond defensively. If you think he doesn’t realize his behavior is wrong, you can try starting out with a friendly, but firm tone of voice. Don’t walk up to him and start yelling accusations, as it will make him less likely to listen, and more likely to become defensive.
    • State clearly what he has said/done that has bothered you. For example, if he constantly points out that you have big boobs, you can say something like, “When you talk about my boobs, it makes me feel very uncomfortable, and you don't have the right to talk to me like that.” Hopefully, at this point, he will realize you mean business, and promise to stop (don’t worry if he looks or acts annoyed, he is probably just embarrassed). However, if he says he’ll do whatever he wants, and continues like that, tell him you will report him to the principal (or to your boss) for sexually harassing you if he says anything else.
  3. Try to avoid being alone. If a boy has been bothering you, and you are worried that he might try to touch you or bother you, try to avoid being alone.[1] For example, if you walk home from school try to walk with other friends. When you see the boy who has been bothering you, try to join in the conversation of people around you so that he will see you are with friends.
  4. Avoid violent reactions. It may be tempting to slap, kick, hit or punch a boy who is saying hurtful things to you, but it will show him that he can easily provoke you. If he is a violent person himself, he might even hurt you physically. Therefore, resist the urge to show him what you think physically.[1]
  5. Be prepared to defuse the situation confidently. As a woman, it is very likely that someone, at some point will make a comment that is inappropriate or will stare in a way that is inappropriate. Accept this fact, and have a few ideas about how you will react.[3]
    • For example, if your co-worker or classmate says something inappropriate to you, you can respond by firmly, but politely saying, “I feel that what you said is inappropriate, and I would appreciate it if, in the future, you would avoid such comments.”
    • If you catch someone staring at your breasts while you are talking to them, simply stop talking until they realize you have stopped, and look at your face to see why, then begin talking again as if nothing happened. More than likely, they’ll get the hint.
  6. Report the person that is bothering you. If you feel afraid for your safety, or the person has ignored your polite requests to stop, don’t be afraid to tell human resources, a trusted teacher, or guidance counselor about what is going on.[4]
    • If the person you tell doesn’t seem to take you seriously, don’t be afraid to tell someone else. For example, if you have told a teacher, and the teacher responds by telling you to relax and take a joke, then go to your guidance counselor, vice principal, or principal. If you are at work, start by telling your immediate supervisor, and keep moving up the chain of command until someone takes you seriously. If it seems that no one in your work or school will take you seriously, you may need to go to the police.
    • If you have to tell more than one person because you aren’t being taken seriously, be sure to report the authoritative person who didn’t take you seriously in the first place. If they think sexual harassment is a laughing matter, then they also need to be taught about why it is a very serious issue.
    • If you are a child or a teen, make sure to tell your parents what is going on.
    • It is true that reporting a person to human resources or a teacher might cause awkwardness in the office or classroom, especially if it somehow gets out. However, it is better that the person bothering you truly understands what he has done, and that you can go to work or school each day without fearing what will be said to you.

Dealing with Boys Who Stare or Make Comments in Public

  1. Ignore unwanted stares or comments. If you are in public, and you catch someone staring at your breasts, or if someone is making inappropriate comments about your breasts, it is probably best just to ignore it. More than likely, they are trying to see if they can get a reaction out of you, and the best way to get them to leave you alone is to show that you won’t react to it.[5]
    • This is especially true if you feel that the person may physically assault you. In this case, the goal should be to get out of the situation as quickly as possible. Make your way to a very public space where there are lots of people around. If the person is threatening you, call the authorities immediately to tell them what is going on.
  2. Ask them to leave you alone. If someone is making comments to you, and won’t let off even though you’ve ignored them, politely (but firmly) ask them to please leave you alone. It may be tempting to use strong language, but try to remain polite. If it is a stranger, it will be difficult to predict how they might react to provocation, particularly if they are the kind of person who thinks it’s ok to make inappropriate comments to women in the first place.[5]
    • For example, you can simply say, “Don’t talk about my body that way. That’s harassment.” If they persist, take your phone out of your bag or pocket, and tell them that you will call the police if they continue. Don’t be meek, be firm and confident.
  3. Keep your body language strong. If someone is threatening, for most of us, the natural reaction will be to shy away from them. Face the person directly, stand up straight, maintain eye contact, and tell them to leave you alone.[5]
  4. Point out something that can help others identify him. If someone is harassing you, make sure that you quickly pick out something unique about them that will help friends or strangers around you to quickly pick him out of the crowd. You will want to use this identifier in your sentence when you tell him to leave you alone.[5]
    • For example, if a boy wearing a bright green shirt says, “Hey! You have a nice rack!” Look him in the eye, and loudly say, “You in the green shirt! Stop talking about my body! That’s harassment!” If you say it loudly enough, it will draw the attention of others around you, and he will almost definitely leave you alone.
    • If you are alone, and no one is around, pointing something out about that person that is unique may still help you to identify him later, if necessary, and it will show him that you’ve had a good look at him, so he isn’t completely anonymous.

Dealing with the Boys Involved in Your Personal Life

  1. Discuss their behavior with them. If the person making you uncomfortable about your breasts is someone such as a boyfriend, husband, or friend, you should absolutely discuss the issue with them. Explain to them that you know they probably don’t mean anything by it, but that their comments and actions make you feel uncomfortable and disrespected, and that you would really appreciate it if they would stop.
    • Be firm and confident during this discussion. You need him to understand that you are really serious about what you are saying.[6]
  2. Be direct. You need to make them understand exactly why it bothers you, and why it is inappropriate. Explain to him each reason why it bothers you, and that in this day and age, you don’t feel that you should be objectified by the boys in your life.
    • Don’t expect him to read your mind. If you never say anything, he simply may not realize that what he is saying is bothering you.
    • You can also point out that no woman deserves to be treated like an object. Many males have seen other women in their life harassed by fathers, grandfathers, brothers, or friends, so it is important to try to put an end to the cycle.[6]
  3. Change the conversation. If he tries to bring up your breasts in conversation, try to quickly change the topic of conversation to something non-sexual. For example, you could talk about a new restaurant you have tried, or how great the weather has been lately.
    • Over time, it may also help him understand that you will not tolerate or encourage these remarks in any way.
    • Understand, though, that it is important to address the behavior. People should not be allowed to get away with treating women (or boys for that matter) like objects.
  4. Consider removing him from your life. If, after one or more direct discussion(s) about the matter, the man in your life continues to make remarks that disrespect you, it’s time to think of removing him from your life. In the future, you might want to consider including boys in your life who respect you enough to honor your wishes, and who respect you enough to not make inappropriate remarks about your body.
    • This may mean breaking up with him if he is your boyfriend, or ceasing contact if it is just a friend. If it is your husband or partner, and you don’t want to give up on the relationship, consider suggesting couple’s counselling. Having someone to help guide you and your husband through the reasons why you don’t want your body to be objectified may make it more clear for him.

Tips

  • It is important to remember that you have every right to set limits on the kind of attention you want to receive. You do not need to feel sorry because you don’t appreciate the unwanted attention of a man.

Warnings

  • Do not hesitate to contact the police, your teacher, a supervisor, or human resources if you feel that you are being threatened. Especially if the comments and/or behavior has escalated after you have tried to address the behavior on your own. Although many boys simply don’t realize the effect of their behavior, others might be provoked by this dismissal.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/bullies.html#
  2. ↑ https://www.kidpower.org/library/article/sexual-harassment-schools/
  3. ↑ http://www.forbes.com/sites/prettyyoungprofessional/2011/05/26/how-to-cut-out-the-unwanted-come-ons/#4ec1be9e4ac6
  4. ↑ http://www.cosmopolitan.com/career/advice/a2371/jerks-at-work/
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 5.2 5.3 https://libcom.org/organise/dealing-with-street-harassment-guide
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 http://www.feminist.org/911/harasswhatdo.html
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