Tell Your Boyfriend You're Pregnant

Finding out that you are pregnant is a life changing experience. It is also very emotional. Maybe you have been trying to get pregnant or maybe this is unexpected. Either way, you might be wondering how to address the topic with your boyfriend. It is normal to feel some nerves. After all, it is a very important conversation. There are several steps you can take to make sure that the conversation is constructive.

Steps

Communicating Effectively

1. Reflect on your feelings. When you find out that you are pregnant, it is normal to go through a wide range of emotions. You might be excited, scared, surprised, or anxious. Before you share the news with your boyfriend, take some time to consider your own feelings.
   • Once you have gotten over the initial shock, ask yourself some questions. For example, "How do I feel about this pregnancy?"
   • You can also say, "How will this change my life? How will it change my boyfriend's life?"
   • Think about what kind of reaction you expect. You will naturally want your boyfriend to be supportive, but do you also want him to be excited about having a child?
2. Plan what you want to say. If this pregnancy will be good news for your boyfriend, that makes it a little easier to figure out how to tell him. If you know that he will be happy, you can focus on planning a fun surprise. For example, you could buy a baby toy and give it to him as a hint.
   • If this pregnancy was unplanned, you might be somewhat nervous to tell your boyfriend. That is normal and understandable.
   • Spend some time thinking about your goals for the conversation. For example, are you only looking for emotional support? Or are you also seeking financial support?
   • Once you've clarified your goals, spend some time planning the conversation. This is important, so it's a good idea to jot down some notes to have with you. This will help you to remember what you want to say.
   • Take some time to practice. For example, look in the mirror and say, "John, I am pregnant. I know this is a surprise, but I'm very happy about the news."
   • Rehearsing what you want to say can help you feel more calm and confident. It can also help you sort out your own feelings.
3. Choose the right time. Talking to your boyfriend about your pregnancy is a very important discussion. You want to make sure that you will have time to have an in-depth talk. It's important to broach the subject when you both have plenty of time.
   • Schedule a time to talk to your boyfriend. You can say, "Andrew, I have something important to discuss with you. When is a good time for you in the next few days?"
   • Whether this is good news or bad news, you want to give your boyfriend time to process the information. Don't bring it up as he's heading to work or school.
   • Choose a time when you are both clear headed. Don't bring it up when you are both exhausted or getting ready for bed.
4. Speak clearly. Make your points clear. This pregnancy involves both of you, but it is your body. Don't be afraid to let your boyfriend know exactly how you feel about the pregnancy.
   • For example, if you are planning a cute and creative way to tell your boyfriend, make sure that it is clear that you are excited.
   • Maybe you want to plan a themed dinner to reveal your big news. Don't just keep dropping hints--tell him what you want him to know.
   • If you are telling your boyfriend about an unexpected pregnancy, you will want to explicitly tell him about your feelings. You could say, "John, I found out that I am pregnant. I'm scared and not sure how to handle this."
5. Be respectful of his reaction. Remember that you have had a little bit of time to process this big news. Your boyfriend is just now learning about it. His immediate response might not be exactly what you are looking for.
   • Even if you've been trying to get pregnant, knowing that he will be a father can come as a big surprise. Don't get upset if his initial reaction is one of shock.
   • Give him some time to process. If he says he needs a little time to clear his head, suggest that he take a walk around the block.
   • Understand that everyone processes information differently. Let him know that his emotions are valid.
6. Handle conflict effectively. The conversation might become difficult to deal with if your boyfriend's reaction is not positive. You might be disappointed to find out that he is not supportive of the pregnancy. There are some ways that you can effectively handle the situation.
   • Listen to his reasons. Ask your boyfriend specific questions such as "Do you not ever want kids, or just not now?"
   • Try to determine the cause of his reaction. You can say, "Are you worried that we can't afford a baby?" Once you understand the issue, you can work together to make a plan.
   • If your boyfriend just does not want a baby and you do, you need to express your feelings. You can say something like, "I understand your feelings. But I want this baby and the choice is ultimately mine. Please know that the door is open to continue this conversation."
   • Remember that your hormones can cause you to be very emotional when you are pregnant. Make sure to give yourself the time and space you need to deal with your feelings.
   • If you do not initially get the reaction that you want, you will likely be frustrated. Try saying, "I understand that you're surprised, and I am emotional. Can we take some time to think and try talking about this again?"

Making a Plan to Handle Your Pregnancy Together

1. Take some time to process the information. Once you have broken the news to your boyfriend, the next step is to figure out together how to handle the situation. It will be useful to each of you to take some time to think about your feelings.
   • After the initial conversation, consider having a time-out. You don't need to plan the rest of your lives immediately.
   • Try saying, "This is a lot for both of us to handle. Maybe we could talk again tomorrow about what we want to do."
   • Relax for a while. Watch a funny movie or take a nap. You're going through a very emotional time, and it is ok to take a break.
2. Do your research. Maybe you've been anticipating this pregnancy for a long time. In that case, you probably have a lot of things planned already. But if this is a surprise for your and your boyfriend, you will want to consider gathering some more information.
   • Have a conversation with your boyfriend about what questions you both have. Be honest and open about any concerns or expectations you have.
   • Maybe you have no idea what pregnancy really entails. Visit some reputable websites and gather some books from your local library.
   • Find out what health care options are available in your area. Look into different clinics and medical providers.
   • Ask friends or family if they can offer any recommendations.
3. Consider all of your options. You will want to discuss your options with your boyfriend. When you first learn that you are pregnant, you will have to decide how you wish to proceed. One of your options is parenting.
   • Think about what parenting will mean for you and your boyfriend. Do you have the emotional and financial resources to raise a child? Is this something that you want to do?
   • Adoption is another option. If you are not ready to become parents, you can give the baby up for adoption at the end of your pregnancy.
   • Your third option is abortion. Termination is a choice that many women make.
   • Although it is ultimately your decision, you might find it useful to discuss all of your choices with your boyfriend. Places such as Planned Parenthood offer a lot of resources to help you make an informed choice.
4. Discuss your future plans. When you tell your boyfriend about your pregnancy, you can take the opportunity to discuss the state of your relationship. Have an open and honest conversation about your goals and plans. Try to figure out how you fit in one another's lives.
   • This is a great time to decide if you are ready to make a long-term commitment. If you decide to have the baby, you should talk about how involved each of you will be in raising the child.
   • Maybe you have realized that this relationship is not what you want. Let your boyfriend know that you would still like to have his emotional support.
   • Take some time to think about logistics. Who will pay for medical procedures? Will your boyfriend go with you to doctor's appointments? These are all important things to consider.
5. Consult a doctor. It is a good idea to visit a doctor. First, she can officially confirm your pregnancy. She can also give you objective information about each of your options.
   • Ask your boyfriend to go with you to the appointment. If you want him to be involved in the decision making process, allow him to participate in the conversation.
   • Prepare for your appointment. Make a list of questions to take with you.
   • Your questions can include things such as "Do I need to take prenatal vitamins?" and "How long do I have before I need to make a final decision?"
   • Talk to your boyfriend after the appointment. Take some time to discuss how you each feel about the information you learned.

Taking Care of Yourself

1. Find a support system. Finding out that you are pregnant can be a very emotional experience. Whether you are planning to become a mom or explore other options, you will be going through some significant changes. It's important to surround yourself with people who can support you.
   • In addition to your boyfriend, choose some other people to tell about your pregnancy. Maybe you trust your mom to help you figure out your next steps.
   • It is up to you to decide who you tell about your pregnancy and when. Don't feel that you have to share the news before you are ready.
   • Your doctor can be part of your support system. She can give you a lot of information and help you make healthy choices.
   • You can also join online support groups. There are many pregnancy support groups available.
2. Get some rest. Your body is going through a lot of changes. Make sure to stay healthy by getting enough rest. When you are tired, it can also be more difficult to think and communicate clearly.
   • Allow your body to get the sleep it needs. If you find yourself needing a nap in the late afternoon, that's ok.
   • Go to bed earlier if you need to. Your body needs more sleep when you are pregnant.
3. Visit a counselor. It is normal to feel some anxiety when you learn that you are pregnant. You might find it helpful to talk to someone about your feelings. Consider visiting a mental health specialist.
   • Your local Planned Parenthood clinic can provide you with a counselor. With this person you can be open and honest.
   • If you want your boyfriend to be involved in this part of the process, invite him to go to sessions with you. The two of you might learn some great communication skills.
4. Manage your stress. Whether or not you have planned for this pregnancy, you will probably be somewhat nervous. For your own mental and physical health, it is important to not let that stress get out of control. It is also important for the health of your baby.
   • Keep a journal. Writing your thoughts down on paper is an excellent way to keep track of your feelings.
   • A journal can help you track patterns in your emotions. It can also help you figure out goals for the future and how to meet your emotional needs.
   • Try doing yoga. Stretching and going through poses is great for your mind and body.

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Tips

• Give him time to process this information.
• Remember that everyone's relationship is different. Your experience might differ from others.

Sources and Citations

See also

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• Tell Your Grandparents You're Pregnant
• Tell the Position of a Baby in the Uterus
• Manage Pregnancy Food Aversions
• Plan a Postpartum Beauty Routine
• Find Out Your Baby's Sex
• Tell Coworkers You're Pregnant
• Determine How Many Weeks Pregnant You Are
• Treat Post Traumatic Stress Disorder During Pregnancy
• Know That Your First Period Is Coming

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