Deal With a Boyfriend Who Is Obsessed With Your Butt

Your boyfriend is probably attracted to a number of your physical features; however, attraction can sometimes border on obsession. If your boyfriend seems obsessed with your butt, you may feel uncomfortable or objectified. Start to address the behavior in the moment. Address problem behaviors as they occur to make your boundaries clear. From there, have a sit down talk with your boyfriend. Explain which behaviors bother you and why. Spend some time evaluating the relationship, especially if things do not change. You do not want to waste your time with someone who only sees you as a sexual object.

Steps

Coping in the Moment

1. Figure out your personal boundaries. Before you can figure out which behaviors to address, consider your own boundaries. You want to have a firm understanding of what you are and are not okay with in your relationship.
   • You should never feel bad about asserting your boundaries. If a behavior makes you uncomfortable or unhappy, you have every right to address it. Do not worry about your boyfriend's feelings when considering where you draw the line.
   • Think about what behaviors bother you. You may not mind your boyfriend expressing appreciation for your body in private; however, intimate touching in public may seem embarrassing. Try to have a list of boundaries in your head. In the future, you will know when to speak up.
2. Address the issue as it comes up. You do not want to let any resentment simmer in a relationship. You should also feel comfortably routinely speaking up for your rights and boundaries. The second your boyfriend crosses a line, let him know.
   • For example, say you do not like it when your boyfriend makes demeaning comments about your butt. Even in private, you do not like to be talked about in an overly sexual way.
   • If you are hanging with your boyfriend and he makes such a comment, do not get angry, but don't stay silent. Immediately address the issue. Say something like, "I don't like it when you talk about me like that."
3. Be gentle, but firm. Being assertive does not have to mean being aggressive. You do not want to start an argument with your boyfriend. When you are addressing problem behaviors, be clear and direct about your feelings without being aggressive.
   • There is no need to raise your voice or snap at your boyfriend. You can simply state your issue in a calm, clear voice. Avoid argumentative or angry language. Be polite, but also firm.
   • For example, say you dislike it when your boyfriend grabs your butt in public. If this occurs, say something like, "I really don't like it when you do that. I feel uncomfortable."
4. Accept your rights in the situation. Many people feel responsible for the feelings of those around them, or that being nice means avoiding confrontation at all costs. This is not the case. If your boyfriend gets annoyed or angry when you assert yourself, this is not your problem. You have rights in your relationship and a right to say who can touch your body — and when and how they can touch it — and no one has the right to violate them.
   • Stand strong if your boyfriend makes you feel bad for asserting yourself. He may resist your resistance to the situation, and try to say something like, "It's not that big of a deal," or, "I can't help if it I'm attracted to you."
   • You are not responsible for your boyfriend's feelings. His right to express himself does not take priority over your right to feel respected. Do not feel bad if your boyfriend gets frustrated by your response. Remember, you have the right to feel safe and comfortable in a relationship. No one should disrespect that right.

Talking About the Issue

1. Think about what you want to say. You should eventually have a sit down talk with your boyfriend about his behavior. It's a bad idea to let resentment simmer. Before you talk, think about what you want to say. What do you want to address in this conversation? How can you best address it?
   • You can try writing down your thoughts. Jotting down your feelings in a journal beforehand can help you figure out how to best express your feelings.
   • Think about what is most vital to you in this conversation. Do you just want your boyfriend to understand your thoughts? Do you need him to change? Think about your goals for the conversation while you write down what you want to say.
2. Go into the situation without expectations. Expectations can create a sense of apprehension or anxiety. If you think your boyfriend will react in a certain way, that can influence your behavior.
   • For example, you may assume your boyfriend will get angry. If you think he will react with hostility, you may go into the conversation defensive and hostile.
   • Try to release any expectations you may have. This will help you enter the situation calmer. It will also allow you to let things unfold naturally rather than trying to control the situation.
3. Use "I"-statements. These are statements framed in a way to emphasize personal feeling over objective judgement. "I"-statements reduce blame in a situation. They have three parts. They begin with "I feel..." after which you immediately state your feeling. Then, you explain the behavior that led to that feeling. Lastly, you explain why you feel the way you do.
   • For example, you may be inclined to say something like, "It's demeaning when you grab my butt in public. I'm not an object." While this sentiment is valid, your boyfriend may feel attacked or judged if you express it in this way.
   • Instead, rephrase the above sentiment using an "I"-statement. Say something like, "I feel demeaned when you grab my butt in public because it makes me feel like I'm an object and not a person."
4. Talk about what you want to change. You should leave the conversation with some kind of game plan. You and your boyfriend should have a clear understanding of what needs to change going forward.
   • Give your boyfriend concrete and positive instructions on how to move forward. Do not just focus on what he is doing wrong. In addition to saying what behaviors need to stop, tell him what he could do instead.
   • For example, you could say something like, "I like it when you compliment my body. It makes me feel good about myself. But I would really prefer if those comments occurred in private and not in front of your friends."

Making Decisions Regarding the Relationship

1. Recognize if you're being sexually objectified. There is a clear distinction between sexual attraction and sexual objectification. While your boyfriend may claim he's just attracted to you, an obsession with a particular body part can cross the line to objectification.
   • Do you feel like your boyfriend views your butt separate from you? If your boyfriend is treating you as a body and not an individual, this is sexual objectification.
   • Think about the way your boyfriend talks about your butt, and interacts with you physically. Do you feel like he's paying attention to you as a person? Do you feel like he values your personality and intelligence in addition to your body?
2. Watch for misogynistic tendencies. These kinds of tendencies can really harm a relationship over time. If your boyfriend has a misogynistic mentality, it may be hard for him to change his behavior.
   • Does your boyfriend have a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality? He may cross your boundaries and upset you, and then try to make up for it with kind, charming behavior. With time, however, he'll cross your boundaries again.
   • Does your boyfriend act controlling or competitive with you? Does he have rules for how you dress and act? Does he feel threatened by your success or achievements?
   • Is he inconsistent with how he communicates? Does he sometimes talk to you every day, and then disappear for a week without an explanation?
3. Evaluate whether you want to stay. Relationships take work. There are a lot of things you have to compromise on, but your personal boundaries not not one of them. Your boyfriend should respect you as an individual. If he is not respecting you, the relationship is not worth it.
   • If you've talked to your boyfriend about your boundaries and he still violates them, this shows a fundamental lack of respect. You owe it to yourself to find someone who treats you with respect.
   • If your boyfriend consistently violates your boundaries, this is a clear indicator the relationship is not healthy. It may be best, at this point, to end the relationship and move forward.

Tips

• Wear clothing you're comfortable in. Wear whatever makes you feel comfortable and confident. If it draws attention to your butt, that it is not your fault. You should never have to dress a certain way because men are being disrespectful.

Related Articles

• Deal With Having a Big Butt As a Teenager
• Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust
• Know if You Are Loved and Not Lusted

Sources and Citations

See also

• Overcome an Infatuation
• Get out of a Bad Relationship
• Deal With a Boyfriend That Has ADHD
• Deal With Stress in Relationships
• Overcome Jealousy
• Tell Someone They're Moving Too Fast
• Stop Over Thinking in a Relationship
• Ignore a Guy That You Like
• Avoid Bad Relationships
• Fix a Huge Argument with Your Girlfriend

Read more ...

What links here

• Deal With Boys Who Are Obsessed With Your Boobs
• Get Guys to Like You for Your Personality and Not Your Looks