Deal With a Difficult Co‐worker

You spend a lot of time at work, so it's important for you to have good working relationships with your coworkers. Unfortunately, you may encounter some coworkers who are mean, unprofessional, or just plain toxic. These people can add to your stress level, making it more difficult to get your job done. Learning how to effectively deal with a difficult coworker will make you a better employee and will make your job a lot more enjoyable.

Steps

Understanding Your Coworkers

  1. Try to understand other people's perspectives. If you're having a hard time working with a coworker, take a minute to look at the situation from his perspective. You may realize that he is acting the way he is because he is overworked, because he is dealing with an unreasonable customer, or because he is just having a bad day.[1]
  2. Realize that a difficult coworker may have insecurities. If you're dealing with a bully at work, it's important to remind yourself that she may be treating you badly because she is insecure about her own performance and jealous of your success or ambition. While this is no excuse for her behavior, it may help you understand your coworker.[2]
  3. Make sure you're being fair. Take a minute to think about why you dislike your coworker, and make sure that it is actually because of things that this specific person has done. It can sometimes be easy to hold grudges against people because they somehow remind you of other people who you don't like.[3]
  4. Don't expect everyone to work the way you do. Everyone is different, and you can't expect all of your coworkers to operate exactly the way you do. Before you jump to the conclusion that your coworker is difficult or irrational, take a minute to consider what it is you are expecting of her. You may discover that you are imposing completely unrealistic expectations on your coworker.[3]
  5. Don't try to be everyone's friend. It's great to be friendly with your coworkers, and you should always try to be as nice as possible to everyone at work, but that doesn't mean that everyone is going to be your best friend. Don't let it bother you if you don't get along with a particular coworker. Instead, try to think of ways you can work together effectively even though you don't like each other.[3]

Dealing With a Problem

  1. Ignore the coworker. If you don't have to work directly with the difficult coworker, do you best to stay away from him.[4]
    • When you do need to interact with this person, keep your interactions brief and pleasant. Be professional instead of giving the person the cold shoulder or being rude.
    • Depending on the situation, it may be best to simply ignore certain behaviors as well, even if they are exhibited by coworkers with whom you work closely. Remember, you need to pick and choose your battles.
  2. Talk it out. If you're having a problem with a coworker who you really do need to work with, try talking to the person openly about the issue. Make sure to communicate what the problem is, listen to her perspective, and offer your own suggestions for resolving the problem.[1]
    • You don't need to be afraid about bringing up an issue for fear of hurting your coworker's feelings; you just need to be diplomatic. Try to keep your conversation directed at the specific issue at hand, instead of making it about your coworker as a person. For example, instead of saying, "You need to get your act together and work harder or we're going to miss our deadline," say, "I'd like to talk to you about what we can do to get that project you're working on finished sooner."[5]
  3. Make your perspective known. It may be that your difficult coworker simply has a different style of communication than you do, which can make it difficult for the two of you to understand each other. Make sure to communicate to your coworker if you feel that there is something he needs to do to improve your working relationship. You also need to be willing to step in and do your part.[3]
    • Avoid accusing your coworker of anything. For example, instead of saying, "You never give me enough time to prepare for presentations," say, "I work best when I know about a presentation two days in advance. Can you try to let me know by then?"
    • Don't take offense if your coworker offers you some constructive criticism in return. Do your best to learn from it, assuming it is reasonable.
  4. Point out negativity. If you have a coworker who is constantly bringing other people down with her negative attitude, let her know how you feel about it. Everyone has different ways of venting frustration, and she may not have any idea how her negative attitude affects you.[6]
    • If you don't want to confront her directly, try responding to your negative coworker with an abundance of positivity. She will most likely get the hint that you don't like her negative energy.
  5. Know when it is appropriate to report a concern. In some circumstances, the best thing you can do is to tell a superior, such as a manager or your company's HR department, about your coworker's unacceptable behavior. The appropriateness of this option will depend upon the unique situation and your office culture. Make sure you take a minute to think about whether the situation is really worth reporting before you go running to your boss.[7]
    • Before reporting a coworker's behavior to your superiors, you should make sure that you are doing so because you believe the behavior is genuinely harmful to the company and/or employees, and not because you are feeling angry or want to get someone in trouble.
    • You should also ask yourself if the problem could be more easily resolved if you confronted your coworker about it directly. Keep in mind that if you go over his head, he will likely feel threatened.
  6. Stand up to office bullies. You have the right to feel safe and respected at work. If a coworker's behavior is simply unprofessional, make sure he knows that you won't stand for it. You can try telling him that you will report his behavior to your manager or to HR if it happens again, but if you say this, you have to follow through.[8]
    • It's important not to let the bully see that his actions are affecting you the way he wants them to. Be strong and don't react emotionally.[9]
  7. Document your grievances. It's a good idea to keep a record of your coworker's bad behavior, just in case it gets to the point that you feel you need to report it.[10]
    • Keep hard evidence like emails or voicemails if you can. If you don't have anything like that, simply keep a log of your coworker's bad behavior.

Being the Better Person

  1. Don't take disagreements too personally. Everyone gets upset for different reasons, and it is important to keep in mind that just because a coworker upset you, does not mean that it was her intention to do so. Try to take a deep breath and let go of the conflict if possible.[3]
    • If you still feel personally insulted by something your coworker did or said to you, even after you've had some time to think about it, try explaining how you feel.
  2. Avoid complaining all the time. You don't want your other coworkers or your boss to think you are whiny or a troublemaker, so don't go running to others with every little problem. Before you report something, make sure you can't handle the issue on your own.[8]
    • Even if you have a perfectly valid reason to complain, keep in mind that your negativity can be contagious and bring your coworkers down. Try to be a source of positive energy in the office.[11]
  3. Don't gossip. It may be tempting to spread gossip about the coworker you don't like, but it is always best not to get involved. If another coworker is spreading gossip, just walk away or tell him that you're not interested in hearing about it.[12]
    • Avoid talking about anything that is not directly related to work with coworkers who are known gossipers.[6]
  4. Be a team player. You may be able to get jealous or overly competitive coworkers to work with you if you just acknowledge the role they play on your team. Treat everyone with respect, praise the achievements of the whole team, and show them all that you value their input.[13]
  5. Calm your coworker down. If your coworker is the type to get overly stressed out and overreact about everything, respond to him calmly and rationally. Don't let the stress wear off on you.
  6. Ask helpful questions. Instead of trying to argue with a coworker who doesn't want to hear your opinion, try acknowledging his point of view and asking him to explain his ideas further. This might make him more open to having a dialogue with you.[14]
  7. Communicate accountability. If everyone in your department knows exactly who is responsible for doing what, then you won't have to worry about a coworker who isn't pulling her weight or refuses to take responsibility for her actions. Try to encourage clear communication with your whole team.[14]
  8. Think before you speak. You don't want to end up saying something you regret in the heat of the moment, so if your coworker has said something that really upsets you, always take a moment to cool down before responding.[5]
    • Keep in mind that if your coworker is purposefully upsetting you, he wants you to lose your cool, so don't give in.

Tips

  • Keep your focus on your job. Some people like to talk non-stop while working, while others don't. If you don't want to talk, either nod and smile or explain to a difficult coworker that you need to concentrate on your work.
  • If possible, change your seating arrangement to get away from a coworker who drives you crazy.
  • Avoiding controversial topics such as politics, family values, and religion might make it easier to tolerate coworkers.


Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 http://www.allbusiness.com/slideshow/ten-tips-for-dealing-with-difficult-coworkers-15607989-1.html/10
  2. ↑ http://www.bullyfreeatwork.com/high-achievers-are-the-target-of-a-bullys-insecurities/
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 3.2 3.3 3.4 http://www.fastcompany.com/3040353/how-to-deal-with-a-coworker-you-cant-stand
  4. ↑ http://www.allbusiness.com/slideshow/ten-tips-for-dealing-with-difficult-coworkers-15607989-1.html
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201309/ten-keys-handling-unreasonable-difficult-people
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 http://www.careerealism.com/dealing-coworkers-tips/
  7. ↑ http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/08/10/cb.tattling.report.concern/index.html
  8. ↑ 8.0 8.1 http://www.allbusiness.com/slideshow/ten-tips-for-dealing-with-difficult-coworkers-15607989-1.html/5
  9. ↑ http://www.salary.com/co-workers-from-hell-dealing-with-difficult-colleagues/slide/3/
  10. ↑ https://www.dailyworth.com/posts/2504-how-to-deal-with-difficult-coworkers/4
  11. ↑ https://www.dailyworth.com/posts/2504-how-to-deal-with-difficult-coworkers/2
  12. ↑ https://www.dailyworth.com/posts/2504-how-to-deal-with-difficult-coworkers/7
  13. ↑ http://www.salary.com/co-workers-from-hell-dealing-with-difficult-colleagues/slide/9/
  14. ↑ 14.0 14.1 http://www.womansday.com/life/work-money/advice/a5853/how-to-deal-difficult-coworkers-123208/
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