Cool Down After an Argument

After reading about how to Defuse-an-Argument, you may still be mad or have other negative feelings towards the person you were arguing with. It is important that you cool down so you can return to interacting normally with the person you argued with.

Steps

  1. Remove yourself from the situation. This is perhaps the most important step, as it allows you to escape from what is causing these feelings. See other things, give yourself a change of scenery. Taking yourself away from where the simple sight of any little object can bring back a memory of an argument can help you calm yourself.
  2. Release what anger you have through a relaxing activity. You can try:
    • Writing a journal entry.
    • Creating something artistic to represent your feelings.
    • Gardening. Even pulling weeds can refocus your attitude.
    • Ranting to your pet (make sure the other person isn't around to hear it).
    • Confide in a friend who won't tell the other person. If you don't want to make the other person look bad, try giving just the details of the situation and no names.
  3. Get your mind off the argument in an active way. When you are distracted from the argument that took place after releasing your anger, you are more likely to be in a better mood than if you had sulked over the argument. Some activities you can try are:
    • Going for a walk and enjoying everything around you.
    • Doing some housework or errands.
    • Taking a relaxing bath.
    • Watching your favorite movie or TV show.
    • Talking to friends about something fun. Not the argument.
  4. Reflect. Think over what the argument was about after you have calmed down, but avoid getting angry again. Now that you have some distance and are more relaxed, you are more likely to look at things from an objective perspective, rather than an emotional perspective.
  5. Attempt to reconcile. See if you can work things out with the other person - but avoid negativity. If the other person is still angry, leave it be for the time being. It won't work if one is angry - one of you will probably get the other riled up all over again.
  6. Agree to disagree respectfully if things can not be worked out on the subject matter.
  7. Suggest doing something fun with the other person. This will allow you to forget you even had the argument in the first place. A fun experience can dispel any lingering feelings of resentment, anger, or bitterness over the argument.

Tips

  • If this argument happened online, step away from the computer. Realize that what you had was just on the Internet, and as soon as you step away from the computer it goes away. Of course, it will be there if you choose to go back again, but by then you both may have calmed down.
  • Give other people time to cool down. If you don't, you will probably get mad again.
  • Realize that sometimes people don't feel like being wrong and will keep going and going. Try to Defuse-an-Argument if you can. If they will not stop arguing, tell them to leave you alone while you try to cool down and suggest they do the same.

Warnings

  • If you confide in a friend, make sure it's one who is not part of your mutual circle of friends with your opponent. You don't want gossip going around, stirring things up again.

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