Deal with Your Child Being Suspended from School

A suspension from school means that a child is temporarily banned from attending school for a period of time, lasting anywhere from one day to a week or longer, as a punishment for poor/bad behavior and performance. Sometimes a suspension is issued for a single, serious infraction; other times, it is issued after continued disruptive or defiant behavior when other methods of discipline have failed.

Steps

Reacting to the Suspension

  1. Don't overreact when the school contacts you to inform you about the suspension. Ask as many questions as you can. Find out the following information:
    • What the child has been suspended for
    • What exactly happened
    • Why suspension has been the chosen punishment
    • Were other students involved in the incident, and if so, have they also been suspended; if not, why not
    • How long will the suspension last
    • What your child will be expected to do during the suspension
    • How this will affect your child academically
  2. If you don't get all the information you want at the first contact, don't be afraid to call back for further details. The schools much prefer an involved parent who wants to know what is happening to their child over a disengaged one.
  3. Don't be quick to blame the school. Suspension is a very common punishment in schools. In some schools as many as 30% of students are suspended each year. It does not mean your child is being rejected.

Making the School's Punishment Meaningful

  1. Make sure they do not set foot in the school grounds for any reason while on suspension unless supervised by you; for example to pick up a sibling from school or to attend a club meeting. If they are doing extracurricular activities at school usually they will be banned from doing these while on suspension. Some schools will call the police if a suspended student is on school property; however, most will force the parents or guardians to pick them up as soon as possible.
  2. Make sure each day still has a strong routine. It is easy to let it become a matter of sleeping in and doing nothing all day. This will just make their return to school harder. Have a set time to get up each day and if the school has not set work to do, set some of your own. There are lots of online resources available.
  3. If the school has left school work for the child to do, make sure all of it is completed. This will help your child's return to school. They will not be as far behind on their classwork, and the school will be more willing to have them return to normal schedule.
  4. Punish your child when they get home. Take away their privileges and possessions such as watching TV, using the computer (unless your child needs to do research and/or projects assigned during suspension days), and going out with friends. This also applies if there will be a break between suspension days such as weekends, holidays, class suspension, etc.

Discussing the Issue

  1. Don't expect your child to talk about it right away. They may be angry, upset or emotional about what happened, or possibly even gloating about it. You will probably be angry and upset too. Talking about it straight away can lead to a pointless battle. Wait until you both calm down (perhaps the next day) to discuss the issues.
  2. Discuss what happened with your child(ren).
  3. Have your child come up with a different way they could have dealt with the situation. Role playing often helps with this. Many kids will not want to participate, but cooperative participation can be linked to their punishment.

Making Sure Your Child Understands Future Consequences

  1. Make sure your child understands why the behavior was wrong. Don't assume that they do understand why; teens and kids can be very self-centered and they don't always see how their behavior can negatively affect others.
  2. Make sure your child understands what the future consequences of their actions could be. They could hurt themselves, and they could hurt others. If they repeat the behavior, they could be expelled from school.
  3. Follow up with the school as needed. Upon reentry to school, you may be required to attend a meeting to discuss how further behaviors will be prevented. Often the school will impose further sanctions such as a loss of participation in sporting teams, a behavioral contract, or a behavior monitoring sheet.

Tips

  • Preview the TV shows your kid/teen likes to watch. They have a great influence on students' behavior.
  • While serious, a suspension from school is not the end of the world. It happens quite frequently in schools these days.
  • Do not yell at your child or get angry at them immediately. Most of the time they are just as emotionally shocked, if not more than you are.
  • For student's role, see Deal With a School Suspension.

Warnings

  • Further problems can lead to longer suspensions, strict behavior improvement policies, and even expulsion.
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