Punish Your Child if He Was Suspended from School

In case of serious misbehaviour, an hour-long detention or in-school suspension isn't enough. An out-of-school suspension is often the school’s last resort and is the school’s way of saying that they can’t offer a serious enough consequence in school setting and it's up to the parents to find suitable discipline. This is why this is very important that you set punishments for the period of the suspension so that the suspension is not an excuse to stay home.

Steps

Reacting to the Suspension

  1. Don't overreact when the school contacts you to inform you about the suspension. Ask as many questions as you can. Find out the following information:
    • What the child has been suspended for
    • What exactly happened
    • Why suspension has been the chosen punishment
    • Were other students involved in the incident, and if so, have they also been suspended; if not, why not
    • How long will the suspension last
    • What your child be expected to do during the suspension
    • How this will affect your child academically
  2. If you don't get all the information you want at the first contact, don't be afraid to call back for further details. The schools much prefer an involved parent who wants to know what is happening to their child over a disengaged one.
  3. Don't be quick to blame the school. Suspension is a very common punishment in some schools. It does not mean your child is being rejected.
  4. Evaluate the fairness of the suspension with questions such as:
    • Does the consequence fit the crime?
    • Is the child old enough to understand what they have done wrong?
    • Was the child suspended for one-off petty offenses such as long hair or for throwing pencils at another student?
    • Was the child suspended also for throwing stones at students and/or teachers/faculty?
    • Was the behavior caused by learning disabilities and/or other disabilities or delays your child has such as ADHD, autism, learning difficulties, hearing problems, vision problems, health problems, etc. Exercise your rights under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) if this pertains.

Making the Suspension Meaningful

  1. Set up a suspension kit. Consider including: a table (or portable table) set up in an isolated area away from the TV, computer, gaming consoles, and/or other fun areas. Include wide ranges of educational work appropriate for your child's grade level, and a timer that will ring at certain times of the day.
  2. Keep your child(ren) focused during the suspension days.
    • Tell your child to do work from the suspension kit/schoolwork.
    • Make sure you use an alarm to let the child know when it's time for him/her to do other work.
    • Get help from your spouse, a babysitter, a neighbor, or a grandparent to make sure your child's not having fun during his/her suspension.
  3. Confiscate privileges such as TV, video games, and computer (unless your child needs to do research and/or projects or anything educational online for school) during the suspension days.
    • If you leave your older child at home alone, take all power cords associated with withdrawn privilege(s) to prevent him from violating his/her grounding.
  4. Use alternative punishments.
    • Don't allow your child to listen to music they like. If your child has crushes, don't allow your child from going out and/or being with them. Prohibit your child also from going out with friends, best friends, boyfriends, or girlfriends. Don't allow older children, also, to go to extra-curricular activities such as sporting events, and proms, too, while suspended. The punishments can also apply if the child hasn't finished his/her chores you assigned during the suspension days and/or work from the suspension kit and if there will be a break during suspension days. Your goal is to make his/her day less pleasant to make sure he/she isn't suspended in the future.
    • Give him/her a time out or ground your child, if he/she leave stop doing their work and/or leave their room and/or the house.
    • Put a password on the child's laptop or tablet (if they have one), if necessary.
    • Give your child some unpleasant chores.
    • Beware of any inclination for the child to take the suspension days as leisure away from teachers/faculty and/or class responsibilities. Example: If Grandpa or Grandma is more likely to be sympathetic to him/her and let him/her watch TV all day, that will not work.
    • If you're unsure what to do, read up more on the following articles:Punish Disobedient Children,or Punish a Child in the Right Way

Discussing the Issue

  1. Don't expect your child to talk about it right away. They may be angry, upset or emotional about what happened, or possibly even gloating about it. You will probably be angry and upset too. Talking about it straight away can lead to a pointless battle. Wait until you both calm down (perhaps the next day) to discuss the issues.
  2. Explain to your child what they have done was wrong and why it's wrong.

Tips

  • While serious, a suspension from school is not the end of the world. It happens quite frequently in schools these days.
  • He/she needs to know that physical fights can have serious consequences/punishments and he needs to learn how to resolve problems in other ways before he/she enters into the work force.
  • Establish clear rules about school behavior. If your child is aged 10 or older, he/she’s only got a few more years until he/she enters adulthood.
  • Wait until you both calm down to discuss these issues. If unsure see How to Deal with Your Child Being Suspended from School
  • Spend some time talking with your child about the incident. Investigate what led up to the fighting and/or other offenses and talk about how he/she can handle the situation better next time.
  • Teach him/her problem-solving skills and impulse control so he/she will have the tools he/she needs to deal with conflict.

Warnings

  • Cultural and familial norms around spanking and other punishments vary widely.
  • Further problems can lead to longer suspensions, strict behavior improvement policies, and even expulsion.
  • Talking about it straight away can lead to a pointless battle.

Things You'll Need

  • A timer that will ring at certain times of the day
  • A table and/or portable table isolated away from the TV,computer,gaming consoles,and/or other fun areas
  • Wide ranges of educational work for his/her grade level
  • Camera and sensors
  • The alarm to let your child know when it's time to do other work
  • Help from your spouse, and a neighbor or grandparent to make sure your child is not having fun

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