Defend Yourself from Bullies

In the hallways between classes, on the playground, on the school bus, bullying can happen anywhere. Bullying can be a terrible, life-changing experience for children and adolescents. If you are being bullied, there are some actions you can take to defend yourself.

Steps

Involving an Adult

1. Make a parent aware of the situation. Your parents can often speak out on your behalf to the teachers and school administrators. Parents often exist within the same community, and your parents may be able to have a talk with the parents of the aggressor.
2. Reach out to a teacher or school administrator that you trust. Many kids, especially those who are not very popular, may have a few choice teachers they really like. If you have someone like this at the school, talk to this person about the bullying incidents.
   • If you are nervous about speaking to a teacher or school counselor on your own, ask a friend or parent to come with you for support.
   • Don't fear retaliation. Telling someone can result in the situation getting better. It cannot improve if you keep bullying a secret.
   • Don't view yourself as a tattletale. Bullies need to be stopped because they make one person's educational experience unsafe. By telling an adult, you are doing the right thing.
3. Follow the suggestions of the adults first. Some schools have very serious protocols in place to act out against bullying. Speaking to adults first may get the situation under control before bullying goes too far.
4. Follow-up if the behavior does not change. It may be necessary to take greater measures if bullying does not stop after parents and teachers are involved. You need to be persistent with updating them on the situation so they will know if further actions need to be taken.

Asserting Yourself Against Bullies

1. Stop being a victim. Just because you have been the victim of bullying, you do not have to act like a victim. This gives the aggressor more power over you and the situation.
   • Walk with your head held high, your chin up and your back straight. Project self-confidence rather than a lack of confidence; this makes it harder for someone to perceive you as weak.
2. Avoid the bully whenever possible. Be aware of your surroundings and the people around you. Stay away from students who seem to be trouble-makers. When a bully approaches you it's a good idea to stand near a teacher or any adult to deter them from teasing and taunting.
   • Sit near the bus driver on the school bus.
   • Choose a different route to class or home to avoid the bully.
   • Refrain from being in unsupervised areas of the school alone with the bully such as bathrooms or locker rooms.
   • Leave expensive possessions or excess cash at home to avoid confrontation.
3. Get with a friend who can serve as a source of strength. When you cannot prevent being in the same area with the bully, having a friend nearby can give you the courage you need to stand up to the bully or ignore the taunts.
4. Role-play with your parents. If your parents suggest that you use certain tactics to deter bullying behavior, it's a great idea to practice these skills when the pressure's off. Have your parents act as the bully and practice avoiding, ignoring, or appropriately responding to bullying, so that you will feel confident doing it in real life.
5. Use verbal defense strategies. Bullies count on your fear and discomfort to make them feel powerful. Rather than playing into their hands, employ verbal strategies that will show them you are not fazed by their tactics.
   • Bully approaches in the hall: "Hey, you loser! What did Mommy pack you for lunch today?"
   • You: Smile and say, "Hi, there. See you later!" Walk away calmly and confidently.
   • Based on the phrase "kill them with kindness", a bully may be deterred from picking on you if it seems like the bullying behavior is not effectively scaring you.
6. Use a strong voice. Speak confidently and assertively against the person bullying you. Practice doing this with a parent or close friend so that you are fully prepared when the situation arises.
   • Bully: "You can't sit here."
   • You: "There are no labels on these seats. I am free to sit where I please."
7. Use humor. Bullies often seem very frightening. Visualizing the bully with bright purple hair or a pig's nose may take away some of the fear this person causes you.
8. Be a role model for other kids who experience bullying. Handling bullying in a healthy way can encourage others who are being terrorized by bullies. Standing up to your bully may give someone else the strength to do it, too.

Protecting Yourself From Bullies

1. Learn self-defense. Take a general self-defense class or martial arts. These types of skill-based training courses not only help you defend yourself physically against aggressors, but they also teach you to avoid potentially harmful environments, how to read potentially unsafe people, and how to de-escalate a fight before it starts.
2. Train in the gym with a personal trainer or train for a sport that you enjoy. Gaining physical strength and mastery can help you to project self-confidence rather than weakness.
3. Walk away. Never fear looking like a wimp or loser for retreating from a bully. Practice flight rather than fight. Saving your life is far more important than saving face with schoolmates.
4. Use physical force as a last resort. Avoid a fight whenever you can because there is no way to control whether someone will get hurt or injured. Plus, if you engage in a fight, you may end up getting in trouble or suspended from school, too.
   • Only fight back when you are in immediate danger of being harmed or when you are in an environment when you cannot call for help.
   • In cases where defending yourself physically cannot be avoided, stand with your legs wide and guard your face with your arms and hands. If a bully sees you preparing to defend yourself, this may catch the person off guard. The bully may decide that a fight is not worth it, after all.
5. Beware of falling into the bully trap. Gaining the courage and strength to defend yourself against bullies can be empowering. However, you should never use your new-found confidence against others and become a bully yourself.

Understanding Bullies

1. Know that bullies get off on power. Bullying happens due to an imbalance of power. Bullies tease and pick on kids who are smaller or younger than them. Plus, bullies target peers who are not as accepted socially as they are.
   • A bully is unlikely to pick on a kid who is popular and well-liked. Instead, these individuals pick on kids who are relatively unknown or socially ostracized because other kids are less likely to stand up for them.
   • Some bullies may come from families who have financial difficulties. They may grow up without many superficial items that other kids have so they end up bullying kids who appear to be richer than them.
2. Think about how bullies fit into the social hierarchy. Bullies generally pick on kids who they perceive to go against the norms of the school environment. You may have different hobbies or likes than the masses and be targeted for being different.
   • For example, if the school is big on sports and one kid performs very poorly in sports, this kid may be picked on for failing to meet the social expectation that students at that school are good in sports.
   • Kids who are observed as seemingly gay or lesbian are also known to be targets of bullying. At home, the bully's parents or the community may have a strong opposition to individuals with sexual orientations other than heterosexual. Therefore, parents can often model unacceptable behaviors that their children imitate at school.
   • Some kids are bullied because they are socially awkward. Perhaps, they have developmental delays or learning disabilities. Other kids may tease these students and refuse to allow them to join in on activities or sit with them at lunch.
3. Realize that bullying doesn't just happen with kids. Since bullying exists because of an imbalance of power, it can happen in various situations, even to adults. Individuals with higher rank or better connections may engage in bullying behaviors in the workplace, selecting an employee perceived to be weaker and hitting, teasing, or intimidating this person.
4. Consider that some bullies are also bully-victims. Children often are modeled behaviors in the home that result in bullying in schools. For instance, some children are physically or verbally abused by their parents or older siblings at home. These kids may go to school and act out those same behaviors with kids they see as weaker.
   • Bully-victims frequently have trouble fitting in, have greater emotional problems, and feel unsafe at school.
5. Don't assume it's personal. Even though a bully may pick on you because you are different or socially isolated, that does not mean it's about you. Bullies simply choose targets to humiliate and intimidate because they get off on this kind of behavior and it makes bullies feel better about themselves.
   • Being the target of bullying can be a difficult experience emotionally and mentally. It will not help your situation to internalize it and beat yourself up. Remember, it is not your fault.

Tips

• Projecting self-confidence is your strongest defense against bullies. They are less likely to target you if they don't see you as weak.
• Surrounding yourself with peers who you like is a great buffer against bullies at school. Spend time with friends and, together, develop a strategy to avoid being near troublesome people
• Don't be the victim. Don't let what he says effect you. It only makes things worse for you.
• Try making friends with the bully. Sometimes, that's all they want. An example: A person threatens you, and feigns physical violence, try asking, in a calm and understanding tone, what's wrong or why they bully, and offer to be their friend. This often takes either some confidence, or some courage, which are often lacking in bully victims, but even if you lack these, try anyway- it may just work.

Warnings

• Remember, if you fight back, you may be at risk of getting into trouble at school. That's why you should always involve adults and use verbal defense strategies. Physical defense should always be a last resort.
• If someone is injured as a result of bullying, call 9-1-1.
• If bullying causes you to feel depressed or anxious, speak to your school counselor or psychologist. These situations can have lasting effects.
• If bullying causes you to have suicidal thoughts, speak to a mental health provider or call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.[1]

Related Articles

• Defend Yourself when Threatened by School Bullies
• Defend Against Verbal Bullying
• Deal With Severe Bullying
• Defend Yourself in an Extreme Street Fight
• Dominate a Bully in a Fight

See also

• Get a Friend to Stop Bullying Someone
• Handle a Mean Girl
• Deal With Bullies
• Stop a Person From Bullying You
• Deal with Name Calling Bullies
• Get a Boy to Stop Teasing You
• React when Someone Teases You
• Deal With Bullying when Authority Figures Are Unsupportive
• Stop Bullying
• Stop Being Bullied

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What links here

• Deal With Severe Bullying
• Defend Against Verbal Bullying
• Defend Yourself in an Extreme Street Fight
• Defend Yourself when Threatened by School Bullies