Develop Your Son's Self Esteem

Boys frequently suffer from low self esteem, measuring themselves against those around them and the media portrayal of men. Despite what many people think, boys are very sensitive and their egos are easily damaged. With a little care however, you can bolster your son's self image no end.

Steps

1. Give boys an emotional vocabulary, as they are not generally encouraged to talk or think about feelings as girls are. They often simply lack the words to express emotion. (A classic example is when children complain of tummy aches when just miserable.) So teaching him to say when he feels angry, frustrated, sad, happy or lonely may appear odd but it is vital that these channels of communication are opened. Your son must know that it's OK and healthy to have and talk about these feelings.
2. Listen to him. Parenting is taking time to listen. Feeling that we have been heard and understood is vital for self esteem. When he tells you something, stop what you are doing and look at him. Acknowledge that you heard him by repeating his words back - tell him what he has told you. It sounds strange, but it shows you listen to him. This way, when he grows up, he'll feel worth listening to.
3. Spend time doing "his" things together. Boys with low esteem benefit from you taking the time to appreciate what they enjoy - be it playing football, studying science, collecting models, hiking, music or swimming.
4. Praise him. Let him know that he is appreciated, and don't wait for him to do something special - just take the five seconds it takes to say - thank you darling, you did that really well.
5. Help him identify his strengths, as boys with low esteem don't know or even realise they have them! They don't know that being kind, helpful, sensitive and friendly are strengths, as they are focused on the physical.
6. Help him to be himself. He faces daily pressures to macho, usually a football playing-mountain hiking-rugged-outdoors type, which doesn't suit everyone. Some like drama, music, reading and art. High self esteem comes from knowing who you are and liking that person.
7. Let him feel successful. Boys with low self esteem often regularly experience failure, often because they are smaller, less coordinated, slower to understand or shy. Find something he excels in and encourage him with it. Boys with literacy issues might have great ball skills; one with poor motor skills might be a great communicator.
8. Look at your own self esteem. Do you run yourself down? Are you shy and nervous? If you don't think highly of yourself, your son might be learning low self esteem from you. Don't put yourself down over it - address it! It's not your fault that no one helped you to see yourself positively, but it is within your power to seek help.
9. Finished.

Tips

• Talk to your son's teachers. They will have insights into him that you cannot have because they see him in a different environment from you. Schools often have programs designed to increase children's esteem.

Warnings

• Do not try to make your son into someone he is not. Pushing a child - especially a boy - in a direction which is not natural for them will result in a miserable child, a stressed parent and, ultimately, misunderstanding, mistrust and alienation.

Related Articles

• Be Shy but Not Have Low Self Esteem
• Develop Self Esteem Through God
• Be Self Motivated

See also

• Ready a Young Child for Ballet Class
• Inspire Creativity in Your Kids
• Compliment Your Kids
• Encourage Kids to Read
• Play an Active Role in Your Child's Education
• Raise Smart Children
• Identify a Gifted Child
• Be Patient When Doing Homework with Your Young Child
• Help Your Child Choose a Musical Instrument to Study
• Build Children's Confidence

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