Feel Good About You and Your Life

A string of disappointments can easily make it difficult for anyone to feel good. However, you must always remember that you are in control of your choices and take care to honor the kind of person you strive to be, your character, and the life you are living. Sometimes reframing your perspective is all you need to feel better about yourself and your life.

Steps

Treating Yourself and Others with Kindness

  1. Reinforce the qualities you like about yourself. We all need reminders of the positive parts of who we are, and it is easy to forget or not give yourself the credit you deserve. Are you a positive person? Are you a caring person? Do you cherish your family, whether it be your family by blood or choosing? You can write everything down in a journal.
  2. Treat yourself with kindness. Feeling good about your life starts with feeling good about yourself, yet it can be easy to focus on the negative aspects of ourselves instead of the positive. Take a twenty-four-hour period to conduct an experiment about how you treat yourself. Make a list throughout the day of all of the times you talk down to yourself. At the end of the day, take a look at all of the negative self-talk you participated in. Make another list that reframes all of those negative statements in a positive, honest way.[1]
    • For example, say in the morning you forgot your keys and your automatic thought was to call yourself stupid. In your reframe list, you can change that thought to: “I’m not stupid. I’m a person who makes mistakes.”
  3. Reward yourself. Make sure you are always taking time to nurture yourself. Life is challenging, and nurturing yourself will motivate you to be kinder to others. The way we treat ourselves is often a reflection of how we treat others. Start with yourself, practice kindness for yourself every day, and then it will seem more natural to extend that kindness to others.[2]
    • Make an effort to go out to your favorite restaurant or enjoy your favorite dessert. It can also be something as simple as getting a haircut or a massage.
  4. Treat your body well. Treating yourself with respect and care makes it easier to spread that kindness to others. Make some easy goals to care for your body. This is not about changing your entire lifestyle, but more so taking small steps that prove to your body and yourself that you care about you.[1]
    • If you don’t get much exercise, make a goal to walk for at least ten minutes a day.
    • Take a look at your diet and health and think of easy changes you can make to nurture yourself. For example, say you eat fast food more than three times a week. You could make it a goal to only eat fast food once a week.
  5. Make a list of kindness goals. Imagine it almost like a kindness scavenger hunt. As you check off your goals on your kindness scavenger hunt, also be aware of how you feel at the end of the day. Did it feel good to be kind to someone else? Did it make you feel good about yourself?[3]
    • For example, you could make a goal of smiling at a stranger at least twice in a day.
    • Another goal could be finding someone who needs help with a project such as moving or painting their home and offering to help or comforting someone in your life who is having a rough time.
  6. Get involved with your community. A wonderful way to feel good about yourself and your life is giving back and getting involved in your community. There are many people in this world who need help. There is nothing more gratifying than knowing that you have helped someone in need.[4] Try spending some time volunteering in your community. You can contact shelters, animal rescues, youth organizations, or co-ops just to name a few.

Developing a Realistic Sense of Self

  1. Form realistic expectations for yourself. Part of feeling good about yourself and your life is having realistic expectations. Your challenges make you who you are just as much as your positive qualities. Everyone has challenges, makes mistakes, and has to deal with disappointment sometimes. Accepting yourself for who you are will help you feel better about yourself and your life.[5]
  2. Make a list of your unique qualities. You have no control over most of the physical traits you have inherited, so a great way to start feeling good about you is to release yourself from impossible standards. [6] Try seeing yourself as the unique person you are. Journal about your physical uniqueness and how it makes you you.[7]
    • You could even make a collage of all the celebrities or people you admire who have used their uniqueness to their advantage.
  3. Try journaling about your passions. What you do for a career also may affect how you feel about yourself and your life. Start a journal about what you are passionate about. The more of a balance you have between your responsibilities and things you truly love, the more you will be able to feel good about your life.[8]
    • For example, you may love filmmaking. Make time to hold screenings for your friends or share your work on youtube.
    • Maybe your passion is motorcycles. If you aren’t able to work full-time repairing motorcycles, make it a hobby and dedicate yourself to indulging that hobby.
  4. Do your best and accept it. Always do your best in the context of a situation, but remember that your best doesn’t always lead to a perfect result. Something doesn't have to be perfect to be excellent. This is a great way to feel good about yourself. As long as you know you did your best, then you can rest easy.[9]
    • Say you had a presentation to do at work and you woke up with a horrible cold. Maybe the presentation didn’t go as well as you wanted it to because you weren’t feeling well. Instead of feeling negative, ask yourself honestly: under the circumstances—with a stuffy nose and a foggy brain—did you do your best? If the answer is yes, then let it go and release the expectations you had of a completely on point presentation. The presentation could still have been great, especially given the circumstances.
    • Accepting and letting go is often easier said than done. The most important step in letting go disappointment or frustration is to give yourself an honest account of the situation.[10] You may find yourself worrying that you won't get a promotion due to providing less than 100 percent on the presentation. An honest analysis of the situation, though, would mean accepting that your promotion is tied to your overall performance, not to a single presentation. It would also mean accepting that those in attendance at the presentation knew you didn’t feel well and probably cut you more slack than you’re cutting yourself.
  5. Learn from disappointments. Keep yourself lighthearted. Instead of fixating on your disappointments, always consider what you’ve learned from them and how you can apply that new knowledge to the future.[11]
    • For example, say you are really attracted to someone. You finally get up the guts to ask the person out, and he or she says no. It’s natural to feel some disappointment, but let go of the expectation that just because you wanted to get that date you would get it. Instead focus on how brave you were for asking someone out and look at it as practice for next time.
    • Another example would be that you interviewed for a job. You thought the interview went well, but you didn’t get the job. Release your expectations of getting that job, and instead look at it as a way to practice your interviewing skills for your next interview.
    • Keep a journal on things that didn't work out to your expectations so you can assess why they didn't work out, how you can change things in the future so they work out better. For instance, maybe you blew off a job because of the low pay without realizing that there was actually an opportunity to build skills. Instead of regretting your actions in the past, focus on being more cooperative, sticking it out, and being appreciative of the skills you're learning.
  6. Show gratitude. Having gratitude for everything in your life, including the challenges is an excellent way to keep a flexible, positive attitude. You can make a list of ten things every day for which you are grateful. If you feel yourself getting discouraged, remind yourself to recite ten things you are grateful for immediately. Keep your lists handy, so you have concrete reminders in case you feel yourself getting stuck in negative thinking.[12]

Building Your Self-Worth

  1. Aim for progress instead of perfection. In order to feel good about yourself and your life, it is important to remember that you and your life are works in progress. As long as you progress or strive to, then you are doing right by yourself and your life. The more you keep yourself motivated in your progress, the more you will convince yourself that you deserve to feel good.[13]
    • Remind yourself of the mantra “progress not perfection” several times a day if you find it helpful.
  2. Make a list of the type of person you want to be. Write in your journal the traits and attributes that you think are valuable. Make an extra effort every day to try and be the type of value you want to see in yourself and in your life. By knowing exactly who you want to become and the value of progress over perfection, you can build worth and satisfaction in actualizing those goals.
  3. Avoid negative people. Take a step back from difficult relationships and determine if they are helping or hurting your ability to to feel good. To build your self-worth, you need to surround yourself with people who believe in you, make you feel worth it, and lift you up. If you find yourself with some negative people, take the steps to decide if they are really right for you. You may have to have some discussions with people about how they treat you and how that makes you feel. It is up to you to decide who you want around you, and building a solid support system full of positive, supportive people is a great way to build self-worth and feel good about your life.[14]
  4. Praise yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back and recognize all of the healthy qualities you possess. If your goal for that day was to smile at two strangers and you did, praise yourself for spreading positivity. You never know who needed that smile on that day. Build yourself up in a realistic, flexible way by making sure you are acknowledging the value you are putting into the world.[15]

Tips

  • You can’t please everyone all the time. Remember to have realistic expectations of yourself and to know when you’ve done your best.
  • Laugh often and loudly.

Warnings

  • If you’re still feeling down despite your best efforts, you may want to turn to a professional counselor or therapist, especially if you find yourself turning to thoughts of self-harm.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 Happy People Become Happier through Kindness: A Counting Kindnesses Intervention. By: Otake, Keiko; Shimai, Satoshi; Tanaka-Matsumi, Junko; Otsui, Klanako; Fredrickson, Barbara L. Journal of Happiness Studies. Sep2006, Vol. 7 Issue 3, p361-375. 15p.
  2. ↑ An Inestigation of the Predictive Role of Self-Compassion on Subjective Happiness in Turkish University Students. By: Akin, Ahmet; Akin, Umran. Education Sciences & Psychology. 2014, Vol. 32 Issue 6, p59-68. 10p.
  3. ↑ Getting the most out of giving: Concretely framing a prosocial goal maximizes happiness. By: Rudd, Melanie; Aaker, Jennifer; Norton, Michael I. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. Sep2014, Vol. 54, p11-24. 14p.
  4. ↑ Practicing Compassion Increases Happiness and Self-Esteem. By: Mongrain, Myriam; Chin, Jacqueline; Shapira, Leah. Journal of Happiness Studies. Dec2011, Vol. 12 Issue 6, p963-981. 19p.
  5. ↑ Resilience—A Concept. By: Rensel, Dennis J. Defense Acquisition Research Journal: A Publication of the Defense Acquisition University. Jul2015, Vol. 22 Issue 3, p294-324. 31p.
  6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/when-your-adult-child-breaks-your-heart/201501/how-improve-your-body-image
  7. ↑ Measuring happiness: The higher order factor structure of subjective and psychological well-being measures. By: Linley, P. Alex; Maltby, John; Wood, Alex M.; Osborne, Gabrielle; Hurling, Robert. Personality & Individual Differences. Dec2009, Vol. 47 Issue 8, p878-884. 7p.
  8. ↑ Self-Compassion Increases Self-Improvement Motivation. By: Breines, Juliana G.; Chen, Serena. Personality & Social Psychology Bulletin. Sep2012, Vol. 38 Issue 9, p1133-1143. 11p.
  9. ↑ An examination of self-compassion in relation to positive psychological functioning and personality traits. By: Neff, Kristin D.; Rude, Stephanie S.; Kirkpatrick, Kristin L. Journal of Research in Personality. Aug2007, Vol. 41 Issue 4, p908-916. 9p.
  10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201410/let-it-go
  11. ↑ Self-verification 360°: Illuminating the Light and Dark Sides. By: North, Rebecca J.; Swann Jr., William B. Self & Identity. Apr-Sep2009, Vol. 8 Issue 2/3, p131-146. 16p
  12. ↑ Gratitude and Happiness: Development of a Measure of Gratitude, and Relationships with Subjective Well-Being. By: Watkins, Philip C.; Woodward, Kathrane; Stone, Tamara; Kolts, Russell L. Social Behavior & Personality: an international journal. 2003, Vol. 31 Issue 5, p431-452. 22p.
  13. ↑ Negative Self-Efficacy and Goal Effects Revisited. By: Bandura, Albert; Locke, Edwin A. Journal of Applied Psychology. Feb2003, Vol. 88 Issue 1, p87-99. 13p
  14. ↑ The Relationship Between Social Support and Subjective Well-Being Across Age. By: Siedlecki, Karen; Salthouse, Timothy; Oishi, Shigehiro; Jeswani, Sheena. Social Indicators Research. Jun2014, Vol. 117 Issue 2, p561-576. 16p.
  15. ↑ Relationship Among Practice Change, Motivation, and Self-Efficacy. By: WILLIAMS, BETSY W.; KESSLER, HAROLD A.; WILLIAMS, MICHAEL V. Journal of Continuing Education in the Health Professions. 2014 Supplement 1, Vol. 34, pS5-S10. 6p.

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