Flirt With a Girl the Alpha Way

Being an “alpha male,” means being a dominant, self-confident, and strong man. It means knowing, and getting, what you want.[1] Alpha men seem to always get what they want, and that is why they’re often admired and emulated. If you respect the alpha male mentality and want to bring it to your personal life, there are a few things you need to do — and avoid — to flirt with a girl “the alpha way.”

Steps

Approaching Girls Confidently

  1. Walk like an alpha male. When you approach the girl you have your eye on, don’t wander around, casually bump into her friend group, and then awkwardly initiate an interaction. An alpha male sees the girl he wants to flirt with and approaches her directly, with confidence and purpose. Walk like you are in control, with slower, determined steps. You know where you are going, and nothing is standing in your way.[2]
    • As lame as it sounds, don’t be afraid to practice your walk in your home. Try to find a place with mirrors so you can observe yourself. Sometimes, people have nervous twitches that they don’t even notice, so don’t be embarrassed to practice a little bit.
  2. Make eye contact. When you’re talking to a girl that you’re interested in, especially an extremely attractive girl, it can be intimidating to look straight into her eyes. But when you divert your gaze, you send the message that you believe she is out of your league.[3] Most women aren’t going to be interested in flirting with a man who has already unconsciously announced he feels unworthy. When you introduce yourself and start talking make eye contact.
    • This doesn't mean you should stare at her — that can be a little creepy. It's okay to break eye contact occasionally.
  3. Introduce yourself in a confident, steady voice. If she’s in the middle of a conversation, wait until there is a slight pause before saying something like, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I had to come say hello.” If she’s a bit taken aback, that’s a good thing. You’ve immediately shown her that you’re confident and you don’t hesitate to pursue what you want. Extend your hand for a handshake to show you’re mature, and make sure to grip her hand firmly enough so she knows you feel secure in your interaction.
    • Avoid pick-up lines. Women are attracted to genuineness, so don’t act like you’re using a flirting manual to talk to her. Tell her confidently why you approached her. You can say anything from, “I saw you from across the room and I had to come say hi to someone so gorgeous,” to, “I really wanted to introduce myself to someone with such a beautiful smile.”
    • If you don’t want to use a compliment right off the bat for fear of sounding cheesy, make sure you plan another logical opener. If you have mutual friends, you can say, “You’re friends with ____, right? I recognized you and had to come say hello.” You can even make an observation to start off a conversation, like, “I noticed you’re eating _____, isn’t it excellent?” By planning something to say, you’ll avoid an awkward silence.

Conversing and Flirting

  1. Ask her questions. This will allow you to control the conversation. Controlling a conversation doesn't mean you should talk over her, interrupt her, or act like a know-it-all. It means that you are steering the conversation. Ask her questions about herself, both to show her that you’re interested in learning about her and also to control the conversation topics. Don’t ask her anything intense or personal, but typical, introductory topics.[4]
    • If you're at a party, you can ask her how she knows the host. If you're out somewhere ask her simple introductory questions: her name, what she does, where she's from, and the like. Once you find out a little bit about her, you can ask more personalized, in-depth questions.
  2. Limit your words. Talk about yourself only when it’s appropriate, but don’t launch into long stories or monologues about your life. Let her share more about herself than you do about yourself, only talking about yourself if she asks, or if you want to highlight something you have in common. The more she is able to talk about herself, and the more rapt attention you show her, the better.[5]
  3. Keep things light and positive. Alpha males don’t complain, and they certainly don’t feel sorry for themselves.[2] They create their own realities, so avoid being a “Debbie Downer” while you’re speaking to the girl you’re interested in. If you have a sense of humor, use it! Making a girl laugh is an extremely effective flirting technique.[6] You want her to associate you with positivity, laughter, and fun, so don’t complain.
    • If she says something negative, support her opinion but offer a positive spin on things. If she says something about the weather being awful, you can say something along the lines of, “It’s not great, but at least we can suffer through it together.”
  4. Offer genuine compliments. Don't bombard her with flattery just to make her like you. Comment on the attractive qualities you see in her. Because alpha males are secure in themselves, they don't say things that they don't sincerely mean.[7] Not only will this show her that you are a genuine person, it will make her appreciate your thoughtful compliments even more.
    • If she talks about her job, you can say something like, "It sounds like you're extremely intelligent to manage all of that." If you tell a joke to make her laugh, you can offer her something like, "You have a unique laugh. I like it." You won't look like an alpha male just by telling her she's hot.
  5. Create banter. Don't be afraid to tease her a little bit. Alpha males ooze confidence, and they they don’t shy away from being genuine. Obviously don't say anything that could actually offend her, but make her laugh by calling her out on silly things.
    • A fun way to start a lighthearted back-and-forth with a woman you've just met is to act like you've known her forever. Once she starts talking a bit about herself, you can say something like, "Oh [her name], you've always been so funny/stubborn/clumsy/observant/nerdy." You can create attraction by making her laugh and feel comfortable.[8]
  6. Let the conversation flow naturally. Don’t approach a girl with the singular goal of securing a date with her. Instead, make it your goal to have a great, flirty conversation. Women can typically tell if you’re “picking them up” rather than flirting, and flirting is much more light-hearted, fun, and noncommittal. Let the conversation be organic and natural, and only ask her out when it feels like it’s going well.
  7. End the conversation. Once you’ve chatted for a bit, end the conversation appropriately. If it’s gone well, ask her out on a date or simply get her number. If you know you’ll see her again, tell her that you enjoyed meeting and talking to her. By ending the conversation on your terms, you’ve once again asserted your alpha-ness. Wait for a lull in conversation, and say something like, “It’s been wonderful talking to you, and I will [give you a call/see you later/whatever].”[9]
    • If things don’t go smoothly and she doesn’t seem interested, do not worry or stress over it. Even alpha males get rejected sometimes, but it doesn’t matter. The key to being an alpha is not needing anyone else to validate you, so carry on. Rejection is nothing to fear.

Looking Like an Alpha

  1. Look great. This doesn’t mean you need to suddenly get a six-pack, cut your beloved beard, or drop thousands of dollars on a new wardrobe. Decide what “great” means to you, and be that. If it means exercising regularly and getting more fit, do it. If it just means brushing your hair, do that! Being an alpha, and flirting like an alpha, is all about feeling your best. Polish up anything that you think would make you look better, groom yourself how you like, and know that every time you meet a girl, you’re the best version of yourself, whatever that means to you.
    • There are alpha males who look like Zac Efron, with huge muscles and perfect clothes. There are also alpha males like Bill Clinton, who find power in confidence and intellect. Being an alpha male is more about mindset than it is about outward appearance.[10]
  2. Maintain good hygiene. While things like hairstyle and wardrobe are personal and up to you, good hygiene is non-negotiable. If you want to have your best shot with girls, you can’t be dirty or unpleasant to be around. Shower regularly, keep your breath smelling fresh, and keep your skin and hair clean.[11] It might be possible to flirt successfully while maintaining a sloppy hygiene routine, but cleanliness will certainly increase your chances.
  3. Know the difference between alpha and cocky. Sometimes people confuse a confident, "alpha" attitude with being cocky. An alpha is self-assured, doesn't need to dominate a conversation or always be the center of attention, and are flexible — they recognize that they're human, just like everyone else; they make mistakes and they own up to them. Someone who is cocky, on the other hand, is arrogant (his self-esteem is based more on wealth, privilege, and external factors), will talk over others, be ruthless in trying to get ahead, and will not admit to wrongdoing or apologize.[12]
    • A truly confident person can accept criticism, can allow someone else to step into the spotlight, and admit it when he's wrong (without over-apologizing).
  4. Carry yourself confidently. Stand up straight, and don’t be afraid to take up space. You will not see alpha males hunched over and nervously fidgeting with their clothes or hands. Take a deep breath and tell yourself that you are the coolest man in the room. Take a wide stance if you’re standing, and keep your arms to your sides. Focus on looking comfortable, self-assured, and dominant, whether or not you feel like that on the inside.[2]
    • Looking like an alpha male is like exercising a new muscle. Every time you do it, it will become easier and easier. Eventually, you’ll start to feel like an alpha male as well.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://nymag.com/betamale/2016/05/the-rise-of-the-alpha-beta-male.html
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 http://www.tobealpha.com/alpha-male-characteristics/
  3. ↑ https://www.pipubs.com/building-eye-contact-confidence/
  4. ↑ http://www.alphamalementality.com/7-tips-flirting-with-women
  5. ↑ http://www.beyondtalk.net/attract-women/
  6. ↑ http://www.alphamalementality.com/what-is-the-alpha-male-mentality
  7. ↑ http://womanitely.com/signs-dating-alpha-male/
  8. ↑ http://www.nicknotas.com/blog/10-playful-teases-that-women-secretly-love/
  9. ↑ http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-gracefully-exit-a-conversation-2014-7
  10. ↑ http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/alpha-beta-males-comp/
  11. ↑ http://www.primermagazine.com/2011/learn/15-hygiene-habits-that-you-shouldnt-miss-in-your-daily-routine
  12. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/12/26/the-fine-line-between-self-confidence-cockiness/
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