Get Out of the Dog House
Sometimes you screw up so badly that the person you hurt doesn't want to be around you, but they don't want you completely out of their life either. So you end up "in the dog house"--that is, resentfully ignored. Here are some steps you can take to get out of it.
Steps
- If you're getting the silent treatment and aren't sure why, confront them. Sometimes people get upset and they don't know how to express their dissatisfaction except to avoid interacting with you. Other times, they think you should know by now what you have done to upset them, so it requires no explanation. Either way, the sooner you can talk about it, the sooner it can be water under the bridge. Don't just hear what the other person is saying when you encourage them to speak about what's bothering them. Be a good listener.
- Swallow your pride and apologize. Really apologize. That means understand what you did wrong, why it was wrong, take full responsibility for it (no excuses, no explanations, no "I'm sorry but") and make amends.
- Make silent peace offerings. Wash the dishes or do the laundry without being asked. Buy them a flower and leave it next to their alarm clock or coffee maker. Fold a Dollar Into a Heart and put it in their pocket.
- Suggest (and/or specifically plan) activities for the both of you to do that you know the other person particularly enjoys. Be proactive. Make all the arrangements yourself thus assuring the other person your sincere interest.
- Be comically sweet and apologetic. Do things that are shamelessly humble, so the person who's mad at you won't be able to resist laughing. How about Serenade a Woman when she comes downstairs in the morning? Or writing "I'm sorry" with frozen hot dogs across his car dashboard? The fact is, if someone cares for you, they can only stay mad at your for so long, and humor is a great way to disarm them.
- While you probably can't afford to bring on the circus, this video does offer some ideas to bring back the smile to your loved one's face.
- Let things slide back to normal. But remember that "normal" now encompasses a change in the behavior that got you the dog-house visit in the first place. "Normal" isn't static and neither is a relationship. In order for us and a relationship to grow and flourish change in negative behavior is imperative. If you've kept up your end of the bargain in that sense, the other person shouldn't stay angry and expect you to jump through hoops forever. Some people, however, enjoy the power that being angry with someone brings. If you're in the dog house a lot, and you find yourself constantly changing your behavior to please them, you might be in an unhealthy relationship. See How to Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship.
- Consider breaking your chain. If they get you in the Dog House, perhaps there is something wrong in your relationship.
