Get Over Friends Who No Longer Want to Be Friends With You

There are lots of reasons a friendship might end. Sometimes people reach disagreements that they can not get past. Other times you just drift apart. You may find yourself in a situation where, despite your best efforts, some friends are simply unwilling or unable to continue being your friend. These are sad moments but they happen to everyone. Remember that you have to power to survive and move on.

Steps

Letting Go

  1. Take some time to mourn. Losing a friend can be very painful. Pretending like it didn't happen or repressing the hurt you feel may seem like a good idea in the short term, but ultimately it will make it much more difficult to move on. Acknowledge that you have lost something important to you and that it is okay to feel sad about it.
    • Don't be afraid to cry. Crying can be a great release of emotion.
    • Listen to some sad music or watching a sad movie can actually be very cathartic. It reinforces the fact that you are not alone in how you feel and can give you hope that better times are ahead.
  2. Delete old correspondence. Don’t hang on to text messages or emails that you might be tempted to go back and reread. Going back to these time and time again will only prolong the loneliness and hurt after a friendship ends.[1]
    • You may want to save copies to a USB drive and then give it to a friend or family member in case there comes a time when you feel it would no longer be too painful to look back on old times when the friendship was still solid.
  3. Unfriend or unfollow them on social media.[1] Seeing what your friends are up to without you will just cause you to dwell on the past instead of looking toward the future. You’ll heal more quickly and be able to let go more readily if you aren’t constantly exposed to their Facebook posts.
  4. Take down photographs. You don’t necessarily have to throw them away, though you could. Get rid of anything that reminds you of your friends like souvenirs or gifts.
  5. Write down how you feel. A helpful way to process feelings is to write them down. You might have questions about what went wrong or be feeling anger towards your friends. You can get all of these emotions down by writing a letter to you friends that you won’t ultimately end up showing them. When you’re done you can tear the letter up or put it away in a drawer. The purpose is just to process how you feel.[1]
  6. Don’t blame yourself. Avoid seeing this as a reflection on who you are. There are lots of reasons why friendships end. Even if you feel like you had some hand in your friend or friends not wanting to remain friends with you, know that all relationships are 50/50. You can’t control other people.[2]

Reaching Out For Support

  1. See a therapist. If you are really having trouble moving on it can be helpful to deal with these feelings in a professional setting. A trained therapist will be able to listen to your perspective of what went wrong in the friendship and help you learn from mistakes.
  2. Call a family member. When friends are the problem, sometimes turning to family can be a safe solution. If you can, try to call someone you think has gone through similar friendship breakups in the past. Perhaps a parent or grandparent with more life experience, though any family member can be an enormous comfort.
  3. Consult friends you don't have in common with your lost friend.[3] Reach out to people who don't know the friend or friends you are no longer hanging out with. They can listen to how you feel and offer an objective perspective on the situation. Let them know how much you appreciate their support. Remember that even though you may have lost a friend, you are still not completely friendless.
  4. Be mindful of your mutual friendships. Mutual friends may not be the best people to reach out to if you feel like you really need to process the loss of the friendship. This puts your shared friends in an awkward position. You'll also run the risk of alienating more people if you are perceived as trying to get people to take sides. That said, you can still reach out to these friends for companionship. It can be a nice reminder that you still have people that care about you.
    • Avoid mentioning the friend that no longer wants to hangout with you.
    • Try to focus on the things you still have in common with your current friends.
  5. Don't bad mouth your lost friend. It can be very emotional when a friend says they do not want to hangout with you anymore. Avoid the temptation to talk badly about them or tarnish their reputation in any way. When the emotions die down you may both realize that the friendship is actually salvageable. It may even come back together stronger after a disagreement of this magnitude. You don't want to make the situation any worse or lower any chances of the friendship being mended because you bad mouthed someone behind their back.

Moving On

  1. Know that you’ll make new friends. Lots of people come and go throughout our lives. Your friendship might have just run its course. Think of it as an open space in your life that you can fill up with new, stronger friendships. [4]
  2. Be grateful. When a friendship ends it can be easy to focus on negative things. Take stock of the things in your life that you are grateful for. Make a list of people you still feel close to, skills you are proud of, groups you’re involved with or tasks you enjoy. Keep the list close by in a your wallet or bag or hang it above your desk so you can look to it when you are feeling lonely.[3]
  3. Get out of the house.[5] Sitting around and dwelling on lost friends will make it harder to get over them. If you catch yourself spending too much time in the house feeling sad get out. Go for a jog or to the gym. Go to a place where you can be around other people like a coffee shop, the library or a concert.
  4. Take a class.[1] Seeking out a new hobby can be a great distraction and can help you meet new friends. Sign up for something you are interested in to keep you busy. A yoga class or meditation group can be particularly helpful in times of distress. You might also consider a cooking class, dance lessons, or learning how to play an instrument.
  5. Do your favorite things.[5] Don’t let lost friendships keep you from enjoying yourself. Make sure you make extra time to do things that you enjoy and that make you happy. Read, play video games, go out with other friends, play an instrument. Keep busy.
  6. Be patient.[1] Healing from the loss of a friendship is going to take time. Even though you might be experiencing very real feelings of loneliness and depression, know that no feeling lasts forever and that as long as you are taking good care of yourself, you’ll be able to find the strength to pull through.[2]

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 http://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/how-to-deal-with-a-breakup-by-someone-also-going-through-a-breakup
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/laugh-cry-live/201208/coping-distress-and-agony-after-break
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Get-Dumped-Good-Now-Pull-Yourself-Together
  4. ↑ http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/29/fashion/its-not-me-its-you-how-to-end-a-friendship.html?_r=0
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/05/dealing-with-a-breakup-7-tips_n_3389381.html
Retrieved from "https://kipkis.com/index.php?title=Get_Over_Friends_Who_No_Longer_Want_to_Be_Friends_With_You&oldid=311257"